A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey. Urh, I have a feeling this could go on a while.Where to start... Lol :') Well me and a boy went out for nearly two years, we broke up in February. He was abusive and really hurt me numerous times and cheated on me more times than I can remember. So most of you will think well it's a good thing you're not together anymore then. But, he never exactly ended it with me, he got another girlfriend while he was supposed to be with me, so I took that as it was over and done with. His girlfriends not very nice to put it nicely, there are many more harsh words I'd like to use for her. So, in a way she's welcome to him.But yeah, I have moved on and I have a new boyfriend myself. We've been dating for about a fortnight. I do really like him, he gives me all the right feelings like the butterflies and the constant smiling. But I can't stop thinking about my ex, I really want to because this new guy in my life is so amazing, but I've caught myself saying things to him that I used to say to my ex. I know he's not just a rebound because I actually have feelings that I want to pursue with him and I'm not constantly thinking of my ex when I'm with him either.But it's bothering me that I can't seem to shake my ex off... Is there anything I can do to stop feeling like I'm replacing my ex with my new guy...? Because I have a whole new world of feelings for my new guy.Please help me, I'm young and in love lol :')3
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female
reader, Chiavennasca +, writes (3 August 2010):
You obviously had strong feelings for your ex, and if this is your first boyfriend since your ex, it's perfectly reasonable to assume you would draw comparisons in your mind. What you have to remember is, this new man is not your ex. Perhaps the only reason you think of your ex and these butterflies returning remind you of being with him. But the more time you spend with your new boyfriend, your feelings will become stronger. It is only through time that your ex will fade away. Don't let him stop your new relationship. Do you think he's thinking about you when he's with his new girlfriend?
Exactly.
A
female
reader, Jodie-agony aunt-27 +, writes (3 August 2010):
 I wouldnt look at it as replacing your ex but consider the term 'moved on'. you are with someone else and your ex is out of the picture now so focus on the fact that you and your current boyfriend are together and soon you will come to terms with the fact that you have actually moved on. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): Hmm..to me I think that this might be normal if he has some of your ex's shadows in you.
I think you should try to rethink that this is not your ex anymore. Which he can't be your ex anymore. So you must get off that feeling as I is not good. Know it won't be easy, but, have a try, just focus on your new boyfriend. Try to forget things in the past which links to your ex. Through this way maybe you'll see him in a new and diferrent way.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, tammarnie  +, writes (3 August 2010):
the best thing that happened to you was losing this guy. why would anyone what to be involved with an abusive partner. you had a lucky escape but the thing you can't get your head round is that he never finished with you personally! He didn't have too because he knew if it never worked out with this new girl he could walk back into your life and you would have accepted him. You have a new man in your life, so look to the future and when you find yourself thinking about your ex focus on your great boyfriend and everything you could have. its only been two weeks so take it slow and have a laugh. don't you think its about time you had closure and thank your lucky stars you had a lucky escape. You say your young so listen to the advice of someone who has worked with victims of abuse and i can promise you, stay where you are and steer well clear of the scum you dated and wasted two years on!!
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