A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't understand what I've done wrong. I'm close friends with a guy an the other day he asked me to send an email for him which i did. I saw another which I shouldn't have and I basically got the idea that hes being played by a girl from the Phillipines. I told him I saw it in error and he didn't say much but what I've also discovered is hes been borrowing money from payday places to help her and when I ask denies it. Hes now denied contacting her( I know he has ) and passing her off for another girl he says hes confused about. He also keeps telling me shes here (shes not) and one email said was $550 enough to get here. I'm so worried about him but hes lying to me now and I don't know what to do.
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male
reader, Nithyanala  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Yes, he's getting played. There are people who used to do it in thailand also but its even more common in the phillipines. you can only keep reiterating that you think he's making a mistake. finally he's a grown man entitled to make mistakes.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 He's a big boy. If he is dumb enough to fall for one of those con, it's on him.
Hopefully what you said already will make him think. But, you aren't his mother. I would let it go, unless HE brings it up. People usually don't want their friends to see when they are really really dumb.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (14 June 2011):
 He's a big boy, there's nothing you can do. If you've told him you saw these things on his computer and told him you were worried that he's being scammed, and he's still doing it, forget it. That's all you can do, is share with your friend what you see is happening to him and his money. Is he that desperate for female companionship? Fix him up with some of your single friends! He can't possibly think this is going anywhere on line? She just wants money and even if she does come over here, she'll use him to get a Visa by marriage and then ditch him. He'll never see it coming. But he has to live his life. However wasteful that is. You can point him to the truth, but he has to decide to act on the advice. After that you have to back off and let him crash and burn. You cannot live his life for him.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (14 June 2011):
 As a friend, you should really talk to him again. When it comes to money, I am sure this girl is using him for money. Don't let this go any further. Its your obligation as a friend to help him see through.
I feel bad for your friend, because he's giving this woman money he doesn't have.. He's borrowing money? Its pretty sad...
Talk to him nicely and make him come to his sense while still time...
Good luck
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (13 June 2011):
 Well, first of all, it is none of your business.
He is an adult, you already questioned him about it, and he denies it.
Let him deal with his own life. If he is truly being played, then he has to live with the consequences of it.
It is sad when we watch our friends make stupid mistakes but they are THEIRS, not YOURS.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): You have left the conversation open by saying you read the email by mistake.
You could say you are worried about him and you care for his welfare and leave it at that. If he doesnt want to talk about it then im afraid you need to back of from this subject.
He will come to you when he needs to talk.
Do not what ever you do give him any money. Its his life and if he wants to get in debt then it has to be his debt alone and he will only get out of it by himself.
You have got to be cruel to be kind in these situations, and he will learn a valuable lesson that money does not buy love.
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