A
female
age
36-40,
*eminChanel
writes:Say your gf/bf was hanging out with you all day until you have to go to work. Then all of a sudden, their friends show up to get them. There was no talk of the friends coming by or that they were leaving with them. How would you feel? How should you feel? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, GeminChanel +, writes (14 June 2011):
GeminChanel is verified as being by the original poster of the question I've realized that I'm a loner, I don't really deal with crowds, and I'm not a 'go with the flow' type of person. I'm fine with that. What I don't understand is why is it that I attract the total opposite of me? Granted I know everyone is different from one another but, really? Almost every relationship that ive been in this year have been with 'whereever the wind blows' type of people and I'm tired of it.
A
female
reader, GeminChanel +, writes (14 June 2011):
GeminChanel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk yea it doesn't concern me as to what they were doing and where they were going (which I didn't care about), but it was how it was done. You don't just show up at someone place and take them. And for her response; just because they showed up, she starts getting dressed. She said she had no idea that they were coming. But she still jumped up and got ready. I felt disrespected. Can I at least spend my last few hour before my shift with my gf? They were still gonna see her. I would've dropped her off on my way to work. Since I work all the time, I don't really get to see her. When I'm at work she's always with them. When I get my days off and she's off too, it's like we can't enjoy each other she always wants to be with her friends too. So there's alot of group activity. I feel like I have to spend time with her friends just so I can be with her. It's annoying and makes me not even want to deal with a relationship.
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A
female
reader, GeminChanel +, writes (14 June 2011):
GeminChanel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk yea it doesn't concern me as to what they were doing and where they were going (which I didn't care about), but it was how it was done. You don't just show up at someone place and take them. And for her response; just because they showed up, she starts getting dressed. She said she had no idea that they were coming. But she still jumped up and got ready. I felt disrespected. Can I at least spend my last few hour before my shift with my gf? They were still gonna see her. I would've dropped her off on my way to work. Since I work all the time, I don't really get to see her. When I'm at work she's always with them. When I get my days off and she's off too, it's like we can't enjoy each other she always wants to be with her friends too. So there's alot of group activity. I feel like I have to spend time with her friends just so I can be with her. It's annoying and makes me not even want to deal with a relationship.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 You shouldn't feel bothered by this. The real question is why are you bothered by friends coming over to hang out? Isn't that quite the ordinary? Does every move have to be run by you? Do you struggle with compulsive behaviour, that you need everything to be clear and happen as you think it will happen, or else you find yourself upset and something feels wrong?
It can be an easy thought pattern to fall into, especially if you're used to planning in detail everything you personally do. And if you like for things to happen the way they did. I can only imagine you'd be upset by friends coming by if you in your mind, without really having any reason to, imagined they wouldn't come. So, when what you had planned for to happen didn't happen (even though it does not concern you whatsoever as you were off to work), you feel uncomfortable. If you like to have things predictable, and are easily thrown off... then I could see this bothering you.
What you must realize is that there is nothing wrong with things happening a different way than you thought they would. You must learn to relax, and let things happen as they happen. They are outside of your control, but that does not mean it is bad. You can never control things in life, and you shouldn't try to either. Don't try to predict what will happen, just go by the flow of things. Take it as it comes. Accept that others do things differently from how you would do them. Accept. That's basically it.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 I don't know if that would really bother me. I mean he didn't bail on time you were supposed to be together. He may just not have mentioned it which does happen. You can't expect to know all of his plans. Was it for a party or just a night out which friends?
I would just let it go and maybe mention that it would be nice to know that he was planning on going out. Other than that I would never be mad for my gf to be going out with friends or having other plans as long as we had time together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): I think if you spent most of the day with your bf/gf and the friends turned up just an hour or two before you were going to work then this is ok.
You dont expect your partner to stop seeing friend and whats the harm if you are not there?
You dont want them to sit around doing nothing. Thats just not fair. You should be happy that they have other interests aslong as it works both ways. No relationship should make you lose contact with your established friends.
The friends might of rocked up without prior notice and if your bf/gf has nothing planned for evening while your working then again i see no harm.
Hope this answers what you need to know. x
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