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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi AllI thought I trusted my girlfriend 100% untill today! Let me know what you all think of this please.........Firstly to start of my story I'll rewind a month back, my g/f is out on a work night out. Usually she'll text me a few times etc but she didn't at all this night. She finally sent me a 'Miss u, crazy about u' text at 3.15am or so. I just had a really strong bad feeling about the whole thing and didn't sleep right but didn't confront her about it. She said she had a great night, nothing out of the ordinary so I brushed it off.Anyway, to this morning: I did the silly thing to read her phone text messages when she was in the shower and read the following which she still had: 'I never forget it babe. Wish I was in bed with you now x' from a work collegue of hers who's going away party it was that night mentioned above....I looked at the date and it was sent that same night at 2.45 am!! Ok, classic case of ignorance is bliss before I read the text messages but a)U think she defo cheated that night?b)How do I confront her about it (prefer not to mention the whole phone snooping thing) as I need to knowAdvice greatly appreciated
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): It sounds like she did cheat...sorry
I was in a very similar position once, and I confronted her straight away, she denied any wrong doing but I didn't belive her and split up. I then relised later I was a little hasty and maybe should have listened first.
You should confront her, and then listen. You looking through her phone is a minor wrong in comparison to her cheating. If she has a really good explination then you can make you apologies, but I think this is unlikely.
A
female
reader, amcfoxy +, writes (22 May 2006):
 confront her and tell her you read the text as you had a funny feeling she was lyin and God werent you right,are you scared of the truth .love is blind eh?
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A
female
reader, mower +, writes (22 May 2006):
 i think u should tell her about it
i know u dnt want her to know what you did but seriously what she did was disgusting and 100 times worse!! u cant just pretend it didnt happen,itll eat away at you
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (22 May 2006):
 Just ask her. But do it by surprise and you'll know by the look on he face. Just say, did you fool around on me with X ? You could also say, what's going on between you and X ? But do it when she least expects it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2006): Agree with everything Bev said. And sorry to say, yes she is cheating...what other explanation could there be?
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (21 May 2006):
 Ye gods! I can't believe that people are seriously advising you to be more sneaky and underhanded than you've already been! Hey, it was snooping in her phone that landed you in this predicament, right? You're guilty of trespass on her privacy, and all you have is a suspicious text to base your concerns on.
So more snooping and mind games are NOT the answer.
Here's a shocking idea instead: tell her the truth.
"Hon, I know I shouldn't have, but I read some of the messages on your phone when you were in the shower. I'm sorry I did it, but there was one there that worries me. I really want to talk about it."
Boom. It's all in the open, ready for discussion. No high-school head games, no infantile pretending required. Yes, there'll probably be some heated interchanges between the two of you, but would spying on her and sneaking around and trying to interpret her every move save you any of that?
Please consider the obvious solution and come out with the Truth, before you make a bad situation worse.
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A
male
reader, helpme100 +, writes (21 May 2006):
Hi there, I caught my girlfriend cheating recently and it was things like text messages that made me suspect her. She continued to tell me she loved me and would spend the rest of her life with me yet she was cheating for 6 months! My advice is not to confront her right away as reading her text messages will start arguements - and what if your wrong it shows a lack of trust. She could just lie anyway. My advice is give it 2 weeks before you confront her. In this time watch out for some clear signals of cheating.
1. Leaving the room to take phone calls on her mobile - big giveaway.
2. Increased texts.
3. Puting a password on her phone. She has something to hide.
3. Changes in behaviour towards you such as kissing different or new moves in the bedroom which she hasn't done before.
4. Saying work is getting busier and not spending as much time with you.
When you do confront her be smart. Think of a funny text to send. Send it to her mobile then pretend you are checking that she got it and you just happened to stumble across this message trying to work her phone.
Good luck mate, I seriously hope you are worrying about nothing because breaking up with the woman you love is the worst feeling in the world. If its meant to be though, why would she cheat? Its better to find out as not knowing will make you feel terrible too.
Again I hope your wrong and it turns out to be nothing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2006): Hi mate
Sorry to hear about your situation!
First of all I'd think could there be an excusable reason behind this text message. From the tone of it though, it doesn't sound like it.
If I were you, I'd have another look at her phone, and find the number, see if there are any more texts or how many times they have called each other.
If you find more texts or find they have called each other, it would show that this wasn't some random text message sent to her by mistake and you can be more prepared if she tries to lie her way out of it.
As for confronting her, it depends on whether or not you still want to be with this girl. If you plan on ending this relationship then it won't be a problem saying that you were suspicious so looked at her phone.
If for whatever reason you want to confront her, but not reveal you have seen her text message, you could make up some other reason, such as someone has anonymously emailed you telling you that your girlfriend is seeing someone else and put a date around that time you know it happened, you don't have to give her any more details.
It sounds though mate that this is something you definately need to deal with by asking her, I don't think this cheating was a one off, I think it's happened more than once.
Perhaps you should mention you looked at her phone - just tell her she has been acting really differently for a while. I think it justifies the reason why you did it.
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