A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a 'survivor' I suppose you would say...but when do you stop trying and give up? Hope is all that has kept me going.I suffer from anxiety; have done for 20 years. This takes the form of panic attacks, sometimes agoraphobia. I have deep seated fears from childhood, that one can't just gradually expose oneself to, it just isn't possible without being a health risk. I have tried a whole variety of therapies including CBT. My own surgery is meant to be finding me a counsellor but it has been months.Over the years I have tried absolutely everything to help myself. What I want more than anything is a life! But I don't really have one apart from being stuck in my little house, feeling anxious every single day. It is distressing.I have tried voluntary work, part time work, I have tried joining groups... you name it, from kick boxing to Christian groups, dancing to drama groups. All took so much courage to attend, and all went wrong either through people simply not being nice or the group falling apart for some reason or another. Or through anxiety getting the better of me.Every single day of my life I try to do something that will make life better; I send off short stories to be published, I too am supposed to be a voluntary agony aunt for others in my area for local newspapers but the editor who so keen, doesn't get back to me...I ask 'friends' to raise money for breast cancer (and this would be so hard for me to do with anxiety) but they either can't be bothered, are too busy or don't even answer! I have tried organising reunions...no one wants to know. This only serves to create further isolation and depression.I have been to my library to look for more things to do that will enable me to make new friends but there is nothing and I come away more anxious than ever, feeling I will never have a life. I can honestly say I have tried everything I can but support is limited in the community.I could die in my house of anxiety and loneliness and no one would really know or care.Please help?
View related questions:
christian, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, iamaphony  +, writes (26 January 2010):
There are clearly two of you, of us. I can see it clearly in yourself as well myself, and everyone else. Anxiety is horrible; but look what it brings to your attention.
A part of you wants more; to do more, to make more of your life and to bring a happiness, a desire, that involves more than what you described or are right now living. Another part of you can recognize that part, but prevents you from doing it, and wants something completely different.
What are these two aspects of the self? I sure have no clue. But having anxiety, you know these two competing forces very well.
I came across this board by google search. I have anxiety, and have had anxiety for a good twenty years. My desire, as it is when I go through a bad spell of anxiety, is the desperate urge to leave my current surrounding and environment, and just go someplace else. Somewhere away from everything that is associated with this current life, and start new. "Change the picture", change it from what it is, to what it could be.
But you have to find those two parts of yourself, and CHOOSE, which one you side with. There is not one person who has experienced anxiety that couldn't relate to this dilemma. I ask you, how can you say you want this or that, and then do the exact opposite that prevents you from doing the thing you want? It's a battle with yourself sadly, and one way or another, you're going to have to choose what side of that battle you want to be on.
If you WANT to remain lonely, and avoid anything that causes you anxiety, then be happy to be alone, be happy to be living the life, no matter how pathetic, you are living. Or, you can change it; and go with the part of you that wants more, that wants something else.
Either way, you either kill that part of yourself that says "I want more", or you kill that part of yourself that says "This is the way it is, and I can't change it".
And you can be sure, both are hard and painful to do. But you already know that. You've lived it. So CHOOSE. And enjoy the pain, the suffering, the love, and all the things to come.
A
female
reader, anxiety chick +, writes (13 August 2009):
I too suffer really bad with anxiety. I have 2 jobs and its becoming harder and harder for me to cope with. I can hardly look at people in the face and when I do I feel like they can tell something is wrong with me. I also feel like something is wrong with my eyes because every morning when I wake up I have blurred vision and dont know why. I went to an eye docter twice and they just told me they do not see anything at all. Every time Im invited to a party or somewhere where there is a crowd of people I panic becasue I feel like they are going to think I m crazy. I know I am all over the place with my post but I just dont know what to do. I can not get myself to a therapist because Im just to ashamed of my problems. I also live in a small town where everybody knows each other and work 6 days a week and dont even know how I would find the time. Another strange thing is I also have this around my family and friends which I think people are starting to notice. I used to have anxiety only in certain situations but it has now become a part of my every day life and every minute. I would never be able to kill myself but sometimes I just wish I would not wake up in the morning that I would be better off. I used to be a very happy smiling girl who could talk to anybody and do alomost anything now Im a scard coward who cant face anything. I feel like Im going crazy because my emotions thoughts and everything are just running wild and all over the place ugh :(.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): Hi Ms anonymous, your question has come back on the board here at Dear Cupid. We are wishing you well, and as you can see there are still people interested in your problem and wishing you well. Happy New Year I hope, all here are hoping that you found a good solution to do with your problem and we are sending you our kind thoughts for your happiness.
...............................
A
female
reader, sarar87 +, writes (2 January 2009):
I have anxiety as well and am going through the same thing you are. I am 21 and was diagnosed with anxiety when I was 15. I have lost some of my friends since then and the friends that I do have seem to have lost faith in me being their friend. It hurts and sucks, but the thing that gets me through the day is my family and being able to talk to someone. Have you ever considered seeing a therapist about this? Do you take any medications?
...............................
A
female
reader, LaydeeOfSorrows  +, writes (26 October 2008):
 I'm sorry your going through this.
I am too, at least you have the courage to go out there and join, where as I prefer to stay in the house.
I'm a bit younger than you, but know what your going through, as i experience it every day.
I would recommend pills, but they dont really help me.
If you have family or friends, try to stick close to them, and meet their friends etc...
Please update!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): PS: You can always register and become an agony aunt here at Dear Cupid. That's what I did in your situation, and I have had so much support and met so many people from all over the world, and many, many dear friends. Come and join us here, we need people like you a lot... :^)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): Have you tried medication honey, it worked for me. It regulates my moods and makes me less sensitive to things. At the moment, everything is negative, and this just adds to the cycle of loneliness, anxiety and depression. Medication can play a part by making you more emotionally stable so you can cope with the disappointments that happen in life. Things do go wrong, groups fall apart, you loose friends, things go wrong all the time. But when we are emotionally vulnerable, we see these things as attacks against us, or a pattern of disappointments that will always be there. Go back to your doctor and make some plans to talk about how medication might be able to help you. Don't be afraid, if they don't work, then they don't work, but for me they changed my life and helped me put things into perspective..
I notice that all the things you are trying to do involve other people, and need other people to make it work. Have you try doing things that are more about yourself, and your own personal development. College and studying, getting fit, religion, that kind of thing. Try to work on yourself, and make yourself stronger, happier, fitter, more beautiful. Try to think of you and how you can improve your self-image. The friends and company will come later, but you need to feel good about yourself and strong and confident, then you won't care what the outside world dose, and you'll find disappointments so much easier to handle. I'm thinking about you, and wishing you hope and happiness in your life.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): There are times when I look in to the future and see only loneliness and anxiety. I am 21 years old, miss, and I, too, suffer from these very same things. I'll wake up every morning and ask myself what I am going to accomplish today, knowing I must do something; since my life is just too dull on its own. I've tried taking more risks, being more Christian-like, reading and writing more- especially philosophy, which is like a form of therapy to me- complimenting others, etc, etc, etc. Nothing helps. What is worse is that I'm obsessed with my life, and how it never changes, never moves forward, and seems as if there is no reason at all for any of it. I've gone from a sprightly Christian to an aggressive nihilist, and now I'm just confused and ashamed. My panic attacks have also grown worse- which is awful for me since I am totally obsessed with the concept of death- and it totally annihilates the joy that I once had. You know what has helped though? Reading your summary about your life. This is not to say that I like hearing how you suffer, quite the contrary; it only means that I know my lifeblood, my feelings and behaviors, are almost completely in-tune with somebody else. Know that I am here for you, if not in person, than in thought; and that every time you suffer from life, think of me, your fellow anxiety/loneliness fighter. Of all the ways we try to change our life, I often think that change comes from accidents, circumstances, and not the pressure we force upon it. I've tried building my life to some grand idea, something that will tell people who I am centuries after I'm gone; but while I'm alive, here, I need to give my life the desire to propagate and flourish. Have you ever been married, or been in love? I have not; in fact, I've never even made a real connection with any girl: I've never even shared a passionate moment with one; and believe me, miss, this is really crushing for me. I've decided that those moments are the ones I live for: passionate ones. When desire is dead, the mind is dead too. If I'm ever with a girl, I will not allow our love to wither and fade; I will keep both of us wanting to love more intensely as the years go by. I hope you maintain your passion and carry on, and maybe someday, miss, you and I will meet; and then, wouldn't that be a stroke of, something idealists call, destiny? Know that I love you, even though I don't know you, and please, please, don't be terrified of life.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): Hello. You are not alone. Many suffer from this including myself. I never thought it could happen to me. But in 1 years time alot happened to change my life...marriage, moving away from family, having a baby, and what took me over the edge was not enough sleep. Sleep is very important because our brain processes the days events and 'releases' them in REM sleep...so first and foremost take care of Yourself. You sound very busy and I hope you're taking time to relax and do things that bring you love and joy. Getting your feelings out is very healing too. What also helped me was drinking decaf green tea. It 'cleared' my head...and as the above mentioned, please continue with your volunteer work, etc...it will give your life a rewarding purpose...Thank you for all you've done! Lastly I recommend putting yourself on a prayer chain...it's comforting to know people are praying for your recovery...He cares!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): It is a tough situation to be going through. It is not easy to make friends let alone doing this with anxiety. I might add that many people suffer from difficulty in meeting people I hope that you do not give up. The best tool you have is the power of determination. Keep at it. Do you not have neighbours? People close to you you can invite over for tea or something? The more you open up to people, the more you will find it easier to do so. I hope things get better for you. Good luck xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 October 2008):
All you can do is keep trying hun!Go and do more voluntary work but try to stick at it. If you are going to get into the real world then you need to accept that some people aren't going to be very nice and people will also be a little bit strange around you till they get to know you. I's probably harder for them to do that if you look like a frightened rabbit.Keep trying, and keep chasing the newspaper editor, he will be overworked and under paid so you have to keep chasing at him. I'd be interested to know how you landed that offer though as you don't sound too wordly wise. You have to keep pushing your self to just walk to the shop and going to new groups.Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): Hi. I am so sorry for what you are going through. You must be so upset. Do you have family close by? I have experienced what you are talking about, not to the degree that you have, but definetely where I went for weeks too afraid to go out of my home (was going through withdrawal from a prescription pain killer!), BUT I had children, a husband, and worked inside my home, so I didn't suffer the isolation that you are suffering. Are you on any for of medication at all? Does nothing help you? I'm not a doctor, but there must be something that could help calm you I believe. You can contact me and I will be happy to write to you privately, I know from first hand experience how awful it is to be afraid to go places, see people! I pray that don't give up. There are always solutions!
...............................
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 October 2008):
 I'm sorry to hear about what an awful time you've been having over the years. This is far more deep rooted than an answer on here can give. I would be happy to help you out more and ask that you contact me privately by email on this site. I would be more than happy to help out and I'm here for you as a friend for as long as you need me.
~Eve~
...............................
|
