A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Am seeing some one new, for the last couple months, so my question is, what does it mean when I say, ''I wish my ex would of treated me this good''.Does it mean I should break up with the new one? I still think of my ex all the time, over a year now, she doesn't deserve one second of my thoughts. Am I being wrong to my new one being with her?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 April 2017):
 I think it might benefit you to be single for a while. It is clear that you are not fully over the ex. Take some time to yourself and learn to deal with the fact that you and your ex are finished. If you are comparing your new girlfriend to your ex then you are not ready to be with her.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 April 2017):
 Yes, you're still not over your ex. But that doesn't mean you should go back to her, or that you should end your current relationship.
You entered this new relationship for your sake and because of the feelings and attraction you have towards this new woman, right? So that is genuine, and as long as you desire her for HER and not because she is some replica of your ex, then it's all good.
It could more be a case of you having gotten so used to poor treatment from your ex, you find yourself reminded of her because you are now so much better off, and your mind is trying to make sense of it all.
But also, it generally takes time to completely remove someone from your heart. Feelings normally don't just stop the minute you break up. They fade away, over time.
What you need to ask yourself is why you wish your ex had treated you this good. Is it because you would have rather been with you ex, had she treated you this good? Or is it because you wish you could have been spared the heartache given by being treated poorly?
I also wish my abusive ex hadn't scared the shit out of me, made me nervous for my life, held me by force and screamed in my face all the times he did. I wish I didn't have to experience that. Yet, I do not wish to be with him! Even if he had treated me better, he still was not the one for me, not by a long shot.
Then again, maybe your current girl isn't the right one for you either, just a step up from your ex? Do you feel butterflies in your belly when you think of her?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (5 April 2017):
 The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference. Until you can think about your ex with total indifference, you are not completely "over" her. This does not mean that you want or should go back to her.
I went out with a guy years ago who (I realised down the line) wasn't over his ex wife. As the reality of the situation dawned on me, I withdrew and eventually finished our relationship. Only then did he profess undying love for me and, the day after I finished with him, told me that, for the first time, I had been the first person in his thoughts when he woke up, rather than his wife. It was too late by then as I had already drawn a line under the relationship and moved on.
Don't let the same thing happen to you. Rather than thinking /saying "I wish my ex had treated me this well" (I do hope you don't actually SAY this to your current lady friend), say something like "I love the way you treat me" or "I could get used to being treated like this".
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 April 2017):
 You know, years ago I read on a message board where someone similar to yourself was talking about her ex along the same lines as you, and she made the remark "Hate is love set on fire" to which a very humorous person responded with "Divorce is marriage set on fire". Heh.
It made me laugh then, but it's very true, what she said about there being a very thin line between love and hate.
You're not over your ex, or you wouldn't be thinking about her like you are. You're telling yourself that you hate her, but if she came through the door, professing to have changed, or matured, or wanting to prove that she's sorry, you'd take her back.
That's not fair to the woman you're with now, and to be honest, if you continue to indulge that flame you're burning for your ex, then you're treating your current girlfriend as cruelly as your ex treated you.
At your age, you have history, so emotional baggage is to be expected. But the solution is not to break up with the one you're with, but to break up with the MEMORY of your ex as completely as you broke up with her in person.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 April 2017):
 By holding tight onto memories of your ex, who did not treat you well, you are unable to open your arms wide to accept all the good things this new relationship could bring.
You need to decide if you are going to continue holding tight to the past or to open your arms, letting the past go and embrace all the good things life has to offer instead.
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