A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:hi, i'll try and keep this short as possible. almost 2 years ago, my best friend (let's call him j) and i both discovered we had feelings for each other, but we couldn't be together as he's with someone already (who's now become another one of my best friends, lets call her l). at that time, i was single, but now i'm with someone else (we'll call him o). up until recently, i thought i was over j, as i met o, and we instantly got together. o and i are in a long distance relationship, just in case its of any relevance. well, long story short, j and i decided to meet up at his house a few weeks ago, and were just casually hanging out, but then things sort of took a different turn. we ended up cuddling and had a deep discussion about our feelings, and he revealed to me that one of the reasons he disapproved of o, was because he felt hurt to see me with someone else, and then he told me that he didn't think o deserved me. any way, cut to the chase, he admitted he still had feelings for me, and that they never went away, and i realised i felt the same way. it got to the point where we almost kissed, but i stopped him, but not for good reason. i didn't stop him because we were with other people, i stopped him because i didn't know how to kiss as i've not kissed anyone yet, even though i'm 18 (which is selfish and disloyal of me, i know). i've met up with j again since then, and we cuddled, but we didn't do anything else, and neither of us mentioned the kiss that was about to happen the week before. now, i'm just kind of confused. in all honesty, my feelings for o have previously been quite on and off - a lot of the time, i can't be without him but i used to have lots of doubts at the start of the relationship. i don't want to hurt him, as he's already very, very fragile, plus, i genuinely do really really love him, he makes me feel like a queen. plus, j's with my best friend, and i can't do that to l, or o. but i'm worried i may still have feelings for j. should i break up with o? or should i just carry on the way we are? i feel like i have no-one to talk to. if i told l, she'd never speak to me again, if i told o, it'd break him, and well, j, i don't think i could tell him, for obvious reasons, and they're the 3 people i trust. so, what do i do?
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female
reader, WhatsUpDoc  +, writes (7 February 2019):
 OK so long distance relationships are not for you,you need someone close to home that you can cuddle and have a connection with go on dates and have your First kiss..J is not the right guy to do that with tho.He has a girlfriend who he is disrespecting every time he spends time with you cuddling.Also you are seeing first hand what kind of boyfriend J would be just because he tells you all the right things you want to hear that doesn't mean he would treat you any different than your"bff"..If she really is a good friend to you then you should be the same to her.Tell J you are not up for secret cuddle sessions anymore as you cherish your friendship with your bff and leave it there.Then maybe you should let your long distance bf off the hook and give him the chance to find a connection with someone who just wants to be with him.You are young you don't have to settle for anyone just yet....
A
female
reader, Sweet Dreamer xxx +, writes (7 February 2019):
 You stopped the kiss because you'd never been kissed before, not because you were both with other people, this tells me that although you love your boyfriend you have far larger feelings for your best friend, even if you don't get together with J you shouldn't string along O. You need to break it off with him, and be honest don't tell him you're leaving him for someone else, tell him that you have feelings for someone else and that it's not fair to string him along even if you don't get together with this other guy, tell him he deserves someone that would love him whole heartily and you still care for him as friends. Be gentle with him he will need time but it is not his fault all this is happening so be aware of that. As for J, he needs to be straight up with L and end things with her, however you should not get involved with him until after he deals with his feelings and breaks things off, leaving time for her to get over it too. Thats just being a good friend. You both could hurt a lot of people here if you don't play it right and it'll only end up in resentment, you both need to break up with your partners and give it some time before getting together. However be wary that if you do end up together you may still lose L, and question if he's willing to do that to her are you sure he won't do it to you too? Take time away from this mess, limit messages and only see J when you are around other people if you must see him. I don't think it is selfish to have these feelings, people can not control their emotions, however they can control their actions. Slip ups are easy but this will only hurt people in the process, although you shouldn't be condemned for what has happened you are only human. But if he was not willing to leave someone before to be with you then you have to question if he will now. If he won't it tells you what you need to know, that he's not worth your time and he'd only break your heart
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 February 2019):
 I would suggest you do these 3 things.
1. STOP meeting up with J. No more cuddling and whatnot with someone ELSE's BF! IF he TRULY cares for you he will end it with his GF and maybe in time date you. Right now? He is just USING you.
2. Dump your BF, you obviously don't care for him enough to not run around with J. So set him free so he can meet someone that isn't long distance and who isn't emotionally cheating with another guy.
3. Stop being selfish. Act your age, you are 18 not 12. YOUR actions has consequences. All this meeting up and "cuddling" is NOT OK. You certainly wouldn't want YOUR BF to do that with a female friend, right? So why is it OK that YOU do it? Hmm?
Take a few steps back and consider ALL the people YOU - yes YOU, are hurting by doing this. Just because they don't KNOW about this doesn't mean they won't... at some point.
STOP seeing and talking to J. Tell him you can't do this. You can't hurt people like that and that you DO NOT see him as a friend and therefore can't hang out or talk. That you need to sort out YOUR own emotions here. Then you block his ass. As for his GF l, who happens to be one of your BEST friends!! you need to distance yourself from her a while too. I'd tell her you have so much school work or whatever that you need to focus on.
Then you take a GOOD month or two to figure out why you continued to DATE a guy all the while meeting up and "cuddling" with another.
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