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male
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anonymous
writes: I have been dating a girl for about three months and I think I'm in love with her, but I doubt she feels the same. I'm usually very shy and even after three months I still get really nervous around her and don't know what to say. I'm afraid I'll lose her if I don't start talking with her more.What can I do to free myself and start talking to her more?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 August 2005):
 One simple way to be a great conversationalist is just to ask a question about something that person is interested in, then listen to the answer before asking another question.
By now, you should have a few ideas about the sorts of topics that your girlfriend warms to, so find out a little about those subjects and ask her opinion about them.
This isn't mind-game or a parlour trick. People just love to talk about their interests, and if someone wants to hear their opinions about their interests, then so much the better! Your showing an interest and asking questions about something that moves her, even if you don't say much yourself, is going to make you seem like a wonderful companion.
Finally, try not to worry too much about filling up the air around you both with the sound of conversation. Sometimes a friendly silence is perfectly acceptable, particularly if your actions already show her that you care about her. :-) (Smile and give her a little hug!)
A
reader, pops +, writes (26 August 2005):
What does she like to talk about? Talk to her about those subjects. Invest your time in being interested in her. Then you find talking to her possible, and much easier than it is now. If you think you are going to make it through life without having your feelings hurt, you are in for a rude awakening. Sometimes you just have to take that chance you believe you can't ever make. Do it. If you fail, so what? Has the Earth stopped rotating, or fallen off its orbit? Has the earth shifted under your feet, and your house fallen down? It happens to everyone, and you will definitely have bad days. Telling her how you feel about her may scare her away. But, at least you will be honest to her about your feelings. That may count for something, even if she doesn't feel the same way about you. Tell her you enjoy her company, and you think about her all the time. Admit to her that you are very new to this, and often don'tknow what to say, because I don't want to hurt your feelings, and I don't want to say something that might be taken the wrong way, and spoil our friendship. I care about you a lot, and hope you care about me as much. Can we talk to each other about our relationship, and what we would like to see happen between us over the next few months? years?
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