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I still have feelings for my ex but I don't want to ruin things with his fiancee!

Tagged as: Big Questions, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 July 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 29 July 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *az01 writes:

im really confused at the moment. i have just got in contact with my ex and we have started talking. he has told me that he is engaged and is going to be a dad soon but that he still loves me. i still have the same feelings for him but i don't want to ruin things with his fiance. what can i do?

View related questions: engaged, fiance, my ex

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A male reader, GrimmReality United States +, writes (29 July 2009):

GrimmReality agony auntIm sorry you are in this predicament, but it is unfair to his fiance that this is going on. I suggest you put a halt to this contact toot sweet.

Nothing good is going to come from this if you press the issue. And it will come backe to bit you in the arse...guaranteed!

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2009):

k_c100 agony auntYou need to leave this guy well alone, whatever feelings you might have they are nowhere near the feelings your ex will have for his wife-to-be and his child. He is starting a family, entering a new phase of his life. There is no point in you two reminiscing about the past and getting all sentimental about what could have been - he has a new life and huge responsibilities therefore he has no room in his life for you.

You need to remember that an ex is an ex for a reason - you will have a good reason why you split up in the first place so try and remember that rather than all the good times!

You need to do the right thing - I know it will be hard because there will be a part of you thinking "we love each other, why cant we be together?". But you can be the bigger person here, take the moral high-ground and walk away from him. Think of his baby and fiancee - could you imagine being in her shoes? Pregnant and her fiance is declaring his love to his ex? That's truly awful, your ex is a horrible excuse for a man. Dont stoop to his level, leave him alone to be the responsible father that he should be. If your ex is not a strong enough person to be able to do the right thing then you need to do the right thing for him.

Delete his number, facebook etc. Dont ever have any more contact with this guy - you both need to move on and you wont be able to do that if you are still in each others lives. You need to accept that he is taken, he has a new family and that is the end of it. He needs to be a man and face up to his responsibilities - he got this woman pregnant, he asked her to marry him therefore he has chosen to spend the rest of his life with her. He needs to wake up to this and start being the father/fiance that he should be, instead of emotionally cheating on his poor old fiancee!

You are currently not in the wrong in this situation - but if you let this carry on then you will be in the wrong. It would show just how much of a good person you really are if you can walk away from this, it takes a lot to walk away from someone you love but in this case you have to walk away for the sake of that baby and his fiancee.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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