A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I called my gf to let her know that I am leaving work and heading to her place. We usually eat out together when I get there. The trip took about an hour due to horrible traffic. Once I got there, I found a parking space that was close to her apartment. I took out my phone to look at the clock and to check for text msg. I then spent about 3-5 minutes sitting in the car to check my work email, since I had asked the night shift coworker to send me an email update on the testing for a project that I have been working on. - After about 3-5 minutes after parking, my gf called and asked, “Where are you?” - And I replied, “I have just parked.” - She then asked, “Why are you sitting in the car?” Apparently, her roommate saw my car and told her that I was sitting in the car. - I told my gf, “Checking my email.”- She replied, “Why can’t you check email in the house?”- And I replied, “I want to check it before I get out of the car.” (I have internet on my phone)- And she said, “Fine. Check your email in the car.”Her tone on the last sentence sounded that she was upset/mad. And sure enough, she gave me the cold shoulder when I walked in; she didn’t say hi or anything. I asked her if she was hungry, and she said she’s heating up some [frozen] food [for both of us] (she didn’t say “for both of us”). I assume it was.The roommate noticed that I was a bit sad and asked what’s going on. I told her that I got an email from work that my project didn’t go well. It won’t meet the target for this year. I had just checked my email a few minutes ago in the car. My gf had no reaction to what I say and completely ignored me for the rest of the night. I was a bit sad about work and her don't-care attitude, so I didn’t ask her why she’s mad at me. I am guessing she’s mad because I didn’t get out of the car immediately and go see her, since she has been waiting for me to get over??? We usually go out to eat, so I didn't even know that we were eating at her place instead (frozen food, she doesn't cook). Was it reasonable of her to be mad of me?- Does anyone know why she’s mad at me? All I did was spending 3-5 minutes in the car after parking to check on my email, after spending an hr in traffic trying to get to her place.- Did she expect me to jump out of my car immediately and go see her?- What do I do now? Do I still come over to go out for dinner as usual? She had not text or call me since morning.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (2 December 2010):
As soon as I read your post, I went back up to the top with the full expectation of seeing an American flag next to your name. Low and behold.....I am an American guy, but I have given up on American women, for exactly the reason that is implied in your post. This is exactly the kind of mountain-out-of-a-mole hill find drama at a funeral crap that I got sick of that I found with reasonbly high consistency in American women.By serendipity, I dated a South American woman some years ago and I have never looked back. My current gf was born in Colombia, and I can tell you without fear of contradiction that she would never in a million years give me grief about sending emails five minutes after I drove an hour in traffic to see her. All she would care about is that I was there. If this offends some American women, I dont know what to tell you except my experiences from North American to South American women have been pretty consistent in both groups. If anyone disagrees, that's fine and dandy as well. I know what works for me.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Ah,men:)
Your gf IS overreacting and hopefully she will realize it in a couple of days and you will laugh about it together.
But she is not crazy or allucinating, I can understand how she might have got upset ( even if I would not been in the same situation.
So : you are later than usual ,and she is waiting for you to go out for dinner ( The frozen food thing is just a last minute "revenge ", I'd say ). You arrive... and rather than going in at once, you park your car and stay there.
It can't have been 3-5 minutes. That's a very male perception of time , I bet:) It probably was more like at least 10. Same difference, you say ? nah. You are already later than your usual time, so if you linger more in your car it must be something important to you- and something that you can't do at her place . ( Btw, I did not get it either why you could not check your work email at her place, AFTER you got in, kissed her, how was your day etc.etc !).So she gets weird ideas.
She calls you , and rather than answering : I am parked right here , you say " I have just parked ".
That may sound just semantics, and it is !, but,since she was already uncomfortable about you delaying your arrival for something that you preferred doing out of her sight, she thought you were covering up something fishy and wanted her to believe that you were JUST arrived in that very moment.
It sounds like she is insecure and / or has trust issues, but that's another story.
The point is, maybe it was not "reasonable " of her to get mad at you, but as a gut reaction it is perfectly explainable and not that mysterious at all :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI had copy-and-paste my response with the original post. This is the corrected version, the conversation with my gf.
We have been dating for about 5 months.
I spoke with her 1:1, and she was mad because she thought that I had lied to her when I said, "I have just parked." This, too her, implied that I had JUST park and not for 3-5 minutes that I spent checking my email. I explained to her it's just a simple expression, and it does not indicate that I lied. She saw it differently:
- I parked for 3-5 minutes; her roommate saw me and my gf looked out the window.
- My gf called to ask where I was. (She already knew where I was. I now feel this was a test question.)
- I said, "I have just parked."
- She asked, "Why are you sitting in the car?" (She had been observing me for 3-5min.)
- I replied, "Checking my email."
...
She thinks that I did not just parked, since I've been parking for 3-5 minutes, and so I had lied to her. She then accused me of changing my words that I changed my words from "I have just parked" to "checking my email" even though I was only answering her question. The difference between "just parked" and "3-5 minutes" to her meant that I had lied. If I had said, "I have just parked 3 minutes ago checking my email," then she would be okay.
I asked her why I would lie for something as simple as parking and checking email. She then came up with an elaborate accusation (that's how I felt, an accusation) that I may have something to hide from the email, and so I was afraid of her reading it if I were to check it in her apartment. I explained calmly all that I did was checking my work email for some project update, and I that have nothing to hide.
I know she was waiting for me to admit that I lied, apologize, and promise that I would never do it again. I explained to her that I don’t feel that I had lied and that I have nothing to hide whether I check my email in the car or in the house. I left afterward.
What do you think? What should I do?
What exactly is she trying to do?
Is she going on a power/control trip?
I feel that she took something insignificant, a matter of semantics, and said that I had lied. It was a quick response, and I never really gave thought into adding the actual minutes I've been parking. 3-5 minutes seemed small, so I never thought about it. I feel it's just seem so unreasonable of her to say that I lied, and then accusing me of changing my words when all that I did was answering her OWN question. And then finally, had the attitude to accuse me of lying to hide something from her.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 That's a pretty big over-reaction...
How well do you know this girl?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
I called my gf to let her know that I am leaving work and heading to her place. We usually eat out together when I get there. The trip took about an hour due to horrible traffic. Once I got there, I found a parking space that was close to her apartment. I took out my phone to look at the clock and to check for text msg. I then spent about 3-5 minutes sitting in the car to check my work email, since I had asked the night shift coworker to send me an email update on the testing for a project that I have been working on.
- After about 3-5 minutes after parking, my gf called and asked, “Where are you?”
- And I replied, “I have just parked.”
- She then asked, “Why are you sitting in the car?”
Apparently, her roommate saw my car and told her that I was sitting in the car.
- I told my gf, “Checking my email.”
- She replied, “Why can’t you check email in the house?”
- And I replied, “I want to check it before I get out of the car.” (I have internet on my phone)
- And she said, “Fine. Check your email in the car.”
Her tone on the last sentence sounded that she was upset/mad. And sure enough, she gave me the cold shoulder when I walked in; she didn’t say hi or anything. I asked her if she was hungry, and she said she’s heating up some [frozen] food [for both of us] (she didn’t say “for both of us”). I assume it was.
The roommate noticed that I was a bit sad and asked what’s going on. I told her that I got an email from work that my project didn’t go well. It won’t meet the target for this year. I had just checked my email a few minutes ago in the car. My gf had no reaction to what I say and completely ignored me for the rest of the night. I was a bit sad about work and her don't-care attitude, so I didn’t ask her why she’s mad at me.
I am guessing she’s mad because I didn’t get out of the car immediately and go see her, since she has been waiting for me to get over??? We usually go out to eat, so I didn't even know that we were eating at her place instead (frozen food, she doesn't cook). Was it reasonable of her to be mad of me?
- Does anyone know why she’s mad at me? All I did was spending 3-5 minutes in the car after parking to check on my email, after spending an hr in traffic trying to get to her place.
- Did she expect me to jump out of my car immediately and go see her?
- What do I do now? Do I still come over to go out for dinner as usual? She had not text or call me since morning.
I spoke with her 1:1, and she was mad because she thought that I had lied to her when I said, "I have just parked." This, too her, implied that I had JUST park and not for 3-5 minutes that I spent checking my email. I explained to her it's just a simple expression, and it does not indicate that I lied. She saw it differently:
- I parked for 3-5 minutes; her roommate saw me and my gf looked out the window.
- My gf called to ask where I was. (She already knew where I was. I now feel this was a test question.)
- I said, "I have just parked."
- She asked, "Why are you sitting in the car?" (She had been observing me for 3-5min.)
- I replied, "Checking my email."
...
She thinks that I did not just parked, since I've been parking for 3-5 minutes, and so I had lied to her. She then accused me of changing my words that I changed my words from "I have just parked" to "checking my email" even though I was only answering her question. The difference between "just parked" and "3-5 minutes" to her meant that I had lied. If I had said, "I have just parked 3 minutes ago checking my email," then she would be okay.
I asked her why I would lie for something as simple as parking and checking email. She then came up with an elaborate accusation (that's how I felt, an accusation) that I may have something to hide from the email, and so I was afraid of her reading it if I were to check it in her apartment. I explained calmly all that I did was checking my work email for some project update, and I that have nothing to hide.
I know she was waiting for me to admit that I lied, apologize, and promise that I would never do it again. I explained to her that I don’t feel that I had lied and that I have nothing to hide whether I check my email in the car or in the house. I left afterward.
What do you think? What should I do?
What exactly is she trying to do?
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 She does seem as though she overreacted to something so miniscule. Perhaps she thought you were merely spending time in your care because you did not really want to be with her. I can only guess though because her reaction seems random. Has she been going through a difficult time lately? Perhaps that is what made her more sensitive to something to minute. You could always talk to her about it.
I hope that helps.
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