A
female
age
41-50,
*essleigh
writes:So yeah last night i went out with a mutal friend for mine and my husband. Granted there has always been some sexual tention there, never intented to act on it but did entertain the idea on occastion . We go to the bar and have a good time just some friendly joking flirting. We close out the bar and stumble back to his house not wanting to get a DUI i plan to sleep over (i thought on the couch) he says i should go sleep upstairs in the bed. So i go up and try to change my clothes but gave up when i was down to the unders. Then he is there... butt naked...and climbs in to the bed, ask me why i still have the unders on and proceeds to help me take them off. As we lay there naked we talk about how nothing should happen b/c my husband is one of his best friends and his so to be exwife is one of mine. So then i roll away to my side of the bed and he follows to cuddle and i think i dont need to explain the rest. Also when leaving in the morning he was still into it sober and he was drunk.*note I am a very sexual and adventerous person who doent feel the love/ sex connection. love is love and sex is sex on total differnt ends of the sectrum. I love my husband very much but sexual need things he can or wont provide.The question is now how do we addess the big plaid elaphant in the room, i would like to countinue b/c he is into the same sexual play as i am or do i not tell him how screwed up in the head i really am and do the never again routine? please i am confused i am not use not having total control of my exrtamarrital affairs.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ashaw +, writes (27 September 2010):
You need to talk to him. You both need to discuss your needs from each other and how they can be fulfilled. If you love each other enough, things could still work out OK. I think you could be amazed what a husband could forgive, and even potentially support, IFF he feels the love he needs, and his needs are being completely met. I could deal with my wife having another guy's penis a lot better than another guy's heart. I would still need to be number one in her life, and to know it. You guys have to be honest and open with each other, and that may not be easy, depending on the emotions. If you and your husband really love each other, and this is a really close friend, then to me, the thing that would hurt most, would be that it happened behind my back. So, in my humble opinion, the sooner you get this discussed, the better. Much better than finding out some other way. Good luck. Go talk to him right now. (Don't wait for your stomach to feel better, because it won't until after you take care of this.)
By the way, I'm not commending your behavior, but also recognize that you're human, and evidently have some sex drive. (Those without a strong sex drive may not understand near as much.) I don't think a case of poor judgement means you need to turn everybody's life upside down like one of the previous posts indicated. It depends on the people, pride, and egos, involved. A little humility on your part, and forgiveness on your husband's part can go a long way to preventing the ruined lives. Do your best, do your very best, in working this out. That's all you can do at this point, and I think it can work. Based on the little information I have, I would forgive you if it were me involved. (Yes, even if you are my wife that is posting this.)
A
male
reader, cuck counselor  +, writes (28 August 2008):
Get over the guilt feelings. Talk to your partner about your desires for multiple partner sex. Be patient and honest and when you are on the same page, play safe and play together and have fun together. No need to cheat or feel guilty. If your partner refuses this option then you decide whether monogamy with your partner is for you or if you need a change.
The important thing is that you make a decision you can live with and not go through life frustrated and unhappy. Being honest with yourself and your partner works.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): There is another thing laking in your relationship with your husband and that is HONESTY my dear.
I am assuming of course that your husband does not know - if so, I rest my case.
If not, and it is something you consider quite appropriate then why not tell him so he can have the same type of sex only relationship with someone like you are.
At least now you have considered and wayed up all the risks and consequences.
But why post a question to us?
Quote;
"The question is now how do we addess the big plaid elaphant in the room, i would like to countinue b/c he is into the same sexual play as i am or do i not tell him how screwed up in the head i really am and do the never again routine? please i am confused i am not use not having total control of my exrtamarrital affairs".
So good for you now, you have worked out that it is all okay and perfectly justified.
But hey, yes, it is my opinion, and I just hope for your sake that your husband feels the same way about you having sex with his friend as you do.
But I would be surprised if he will consider it as keeping your marriage stronger.
Unless of course he knows what your doing?????? Does he?
If not, why don't you tell him? Tell us why you may not have told him please - I might have it wrong?
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A
female
reader, jessleigh +, writes (12 June 2008):
jessleigh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the link. It helps me understand myself a whole lot more. I take with my friend and we have decided to continue this in a if it happen it happens kind of way b/c there is no deny the sexual feeling we have for each other.Again truely just sexual feelings nothing more.To those who think that I a whore well thanks for your opinon everyone has one I guess but if i wanted to be called a whore I would have posted it elsewhere. So thanks anyways.To explain further about my marriage, both my husband's and myself work in carrers that make us be seperated for long peirods of time and when we are together the fire is really there for some reason unknown to me. I love him very much and I know he loves me. The only thing lacking in our relationship is the sex factor, other than that everything is wonderful so stepping outside of the marriage sexual keeps my marriage stronger.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): Well, I am a cuckold as is your husband. Only he doesn't know it and I do. So may I offer some advice as a man whose wife has sex with her male friends?First, it took me a while to understand that in order to have a committed relationship with this woman I would need to accept some things. She is a lot younger and absolutely beautiful. She has kinks and fetishes that I can't always provide her.Instead of this being only about her cheating, I learned about cuckolding and found a lot of support and how *we* can turn it into a life together. I have found this to my turn on and sexual excitement. I like knowing she has raucous sex without me. She includes me by telling me about it and watching me get turned on.Anyway, interesting reading here: http://cuckoldcouple.wordpress.com/the-science-of-cuckoldry/
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): Eish! Tuatara, You're a cross one.But of course, you're quite right. Were you victim or culprit?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): I think you could continue with this man, but first and as it is not about love and just sex, I am sure his partner or soon to be ex and your husband will obviously understand it is just nothing really!!! F off lady!
This exact same situation has happened to me, and I will tell you how it may go.
First, you WILL get found out!
You will then bring up your - its just sex line and it won't work.
Then your husband will be devastated knowing his wife is a whore.
Then he will wonder why he ever married you and if your just a piece of shit which he needs to flush down a toilet.
He may then be upset and want to try again.
Your friend will hate you.
Your husband will hate his best friend.
His best friend will say it was you.
You and this dickhead, will then run around like crazy people trying to fix the shit you have created, and it won't work.
Then your husband may ask you for a divorce because he will think he has made the biggest mistake in his life with you.
You will say "but honey - it didn't mean anything and I love you".
You might even blame the booze, always worth a try, but again, won't work.
You might even be silly enough to say "I won't do it again, I promise"
He will think about that but not beleive you and really it will be him seeing you for who you are.
You may get separated or divorced.
New home, friends and life for you. Hopefully it is somethin your capable of obtaining and maintaining alone. Unless your fuck buddy can help. Wouldn't be right to use hubbie for that new life remember.
You'll have to start a new relationship with someone else when you do find another person whom you could perhaps love.
You will need a new set of friend - cause everyone in your circle will also find out and know your a whore. The women will not want you anywhere near their men and the men will know - she's up for it mate! (You know, you will have that reputation that we all gossip about)
An awful lot of destruction for something you say is just physical and nothing to worry about! But hey, who knows it may not work out like that.
I guess you certainly do have an elephant in your room and it is too big to hide doll. So start having some consideration for someone else other than you. Sex, so bloody what. Sexual needs not being met by the partner we love, bull. Your just a cheater my friend who will reap what she sows.
But hey, at least you can still carry on having this important sexual need fullfilled. That will no longer be a problem.
I guess it was hard to climb out of the bed and go to the couch!
Keep us posted!
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A
female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (11 June 2008):
 i personally think you should end it do to the fact that he IS a close friend to your husband and if he was to find out it would just lead to a horrible mess that would leave everything even more confusing and upsetting for everyone
sexual needs he can or wont provide?
you can get toys or watch video's or stuff like that having an affair is the wrong way to go just for that reason
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