A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hello fellow agony aunts. I have a problem..actually it's 2 and i was wondering if you guys could help. So last night was Halloween and there was a huge party in my town. Everyone..all my friends and people from other schools were there. And i went with my three friends darron,jaime,eric and my girl friend Lisa. The thing is there was ALOT of alcohol there. And it was a crazy party.Im still worn out now. Well we all partied hard and ME and my gf had alot to drink. and we hooked up last night. it was our first time. we didnt plan it..but luckily i had condoms and it happend.But she hasnt caleld me or returned any of my messages ever since last night. so im worried. It was great on my part..but i dont know about her. do you thing she didnt like it? or do you think she worried she's pregnant or anything cuz i know we were careful. i hope she's not regretting or feeling bad about it. My other problem is..during the party, Darron my guy friend who i came with was commming on to me. Ive always known him as beying straight...but he sure wasnt last night. I know he had WAY too much to drink. But they say the truth and your true self comes out when you're drunk. do yo uthink he may be gay or bi..i mean iwouldnt mind if he was. but all last night he was grabbing me and telling me things..it was just wierd hearing it from him cuz i dont really care if hes gay or not. so tell me what you think guys? thankssorry for such a long post.
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female
reader, ffogalilly +, writes (2 November 2009):
You guys are quite young to be drinking like that, but who am I to say anything, I've been trashed and done similar stuff and I'm old.
Your girlfriend is in shock, she probably didn't plan to loose her virginity that way, and she's probably really hungover as you probably are too. Just give her a couple of days to feel better and give her a call, you need to very sensitive and understand because she's going to be upset, because she is experiencing new feelings, and you are too.
Its good that you had condoms too.
She's going to need time to adjust, from having sex for the first time.
As for the guy who hit on you, he was just too drunk to know what he was doing, he probably won't even remember that he did that, I've seen men act like that when they are drunk.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): I think your girlfriend is upset. I think she is upset that she lost her virginity, while drunk at a Halloween party. For a woman, loosing our virginity is really important. So she might be mad at herself (and you) that it happened. Sometimes we expect men to protect us, even when we are unable to protect ourselves. So she may be upset that when she is sober she says no but the minute she is drunk she said yes but is mad that you knew she always said no, so why did you do it? I know that can be confusing, but that's just how we think sometimes. She may truly feel like you took advantage of her. She could just be feeling sick from the party but I think you need to be very sensitive to how she is feeling at this time because, for you, you are overwhelemingly happy but she may be feeling really upset, hurt, and even used. Imagine if you got drunk and woke up married? She may be happy, you might be upset that you did that without knowing it. Full of worry and concern about what the next steps in the relationship are. You may need to understand that for her this doesn't mean you guys have a sexual relationship now. When you go over to see her, she may say no to any sexual advances and may not even want to do things like kiss or hug anymore. You need to respect that. She is probably feeling alot of different things but needs time to figure them out. Calling her to see if she is OK is a good idea but don't overwhelem her with 15 calls a day. As far as your friend, he may truly be gay but unless he actually made sexual advances, he may just be overly lovey when he is drunk and he was spilling out how much he cares for you as a friend. If the comments were sexual in nature, he may truly be gay and if you are comfortable still being his friend, it's best that you keep your friends secrey until he is ready to share it. He may be really upset about his feelings and not want all his friends to know. Just still being there for him as a friend will send him a great message of acceptance.
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A
female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (1 November 2009):
 I think you need to give your girlfriend awhile, and maybe try to contact her again in a little bit and if not try again tomorrow. Try not to pressure her into calling! But it's nice that you're worried about her.
As for your man friend, i think maybe the alcohol just went to his head? but there isn't anyway to tell. If he does it again and u dont like it, tell him u have boundaries and he cant grab you that way. But otherwise i think u shud leave his business.. his business.
I hope things work out. try not to worry too much. x
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