A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so, i met this guy about 4 years ago through mutual friends...when we met i KNEW he was in his 20's and i was about to turn 16...ive always had older groups of friends. well, this guy and i always kept in touch...emailed for a good three months just saying hi and keeping each other posted on life, now i NEVERRRRR thought he would be interested in me and our conversations were VERY simple....no flirting at all...so when my age question came up i told him i was 18, ive ALWAYS been ashamed of my age so i didnt think much of it, bc i didnt want him to treat me differently. so SURPRISINGLY, he and i became very close throughout the years...BUT he had a girlfriend the whole first two years that he and were "talking", that i didnt know about, so he was hiding that from me. Then after she and him broke up there were A number of new girls that he started taking out on dates etc. that i knew about...there were at least 5 that i knew of, and he and i were NEVER boyfriend and girlfriend, we just talked everyday. We would fight about his "other" girls, and he told me that they'll never be what i am to him....and ALL ALONG i knew ive been lying about my age by a 2 yr difference. but see, i never felt comfortable in our situation to tell him bc i knew i was never the only girl, and somewhere along the line i ended up falling in crazy love with him...we took a break from eo and i saw someone else but i can never forget about HIM. So, the past two months he and i have been back together...not "officially"...but things have been SO different!!! i'll be 19 in a month and he thinks im turning 21....i know for a fact now that hes not seeing any other girls, and hes really been changing. he met my family for the first time..and we've spent more time together going on dates more than EVER before. he makes us more "public" now, and things are how ive always wanted them....BUT he's 29, im 19....i can see where there is MUCH controversy. and im soooooo afraid to tell him bc things are the best they have ever been, now the last girl he dated was also 19, but he claims she was just "too immature"...theres a lot that conflicts the situation....but after four years of being so close to someone its hard to just "walk away"..i just honestly NEVER THOUGHT that he'd stop being a player and actually just want to be with me...but now for the past month he's been asking me to move in with him, and take things a step further. BUT i have to tell him somehow that im turning 19...not 21, so do i just end things with him and force myself to move on....OR do i tell him and risk losing him and what ive been waiting for for the past few years??!! help :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I'm sorry you thought I was saying you were immature. That wasn't what I was saying at all! What I mean is, every generation has things that they do. If someone said "totally rad" you probably wouldn't think they were from your generation right? That's all I meant.
However, the man I am with is younger than me and the most responsible man you will every meet. He has taking care of his family his entire life. However, there are still things about him that are true to his age. In some ways he is older than me but in some ways younger because he is in fact younger.
Having said that, I think I might tag out on this one cause I don't think you want to hear advice as much as hear someone tell you what you want to hear.
I don't know what you want to hear. I think you should tell him. That's all.
Do I still think he has an idea of your age? Yeah I do actually. Even more so now. Someone in the industry he is in is even a little more used to people lying to them about things like age. He isn't some college guy who never had the experience before. He has probably been lied to alot about age for the sake of people's career.
You seem to think he is a very good man. If that's the case then there should be no problem telling him the truth.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): No one appreciates being lied to; you misrepresented who you were and now you have a relationship based on a lie. You owe it to this guy to tell him the truth about your age and you need to do it before he hears it from someone else. Your behavior was immature and now you have to deal with the consequences of your behavior. He will break up with you not because of age, but because you are a liar. Take this experience as a life lesson and learn to live with integrity from this point forward.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfirst and foremost id like to thank you for your responses. HOWEVER, there are many aspects of the situation that have not been made clear to you. There is NO way he knows of my age. I have ALL older groups of friends, and HUGE point in this is that HE is in the music industry and i am in the modeling/acting industry. I graduated highschool TWO years early to pursue my dream so i travel a lot and i have grown up very fast! so, sorry for taking some offense to the fact that you can so easily judge me by how i typed the word "eachother". i understand that what i did was immature and that i shouldn't have lied, but i am not immature for my age, in fact EVERYONE that meets me automatically assumes im in my 20's. he would NEVER be with an underage girl, and he and were NOT havign sex before i TRULY was legal, due to other girls in his life. i understang this is a very complex situation but bottom line...im not immature for my age, and he wouldn't be with an underage girl IF he knew the truth about her age.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): Oh wait, I didn't put my thinking cap on today! I stepped away after saying all that stuff about you guys not having sex and realized that the ...in your story is probably some kind of sex right? Sorry I didn't pick up on it. You guys clearly had some sort of relationship, considering the fact that you got mad about other girls, and now you are afraid to tell him that you lied cause what happened was illegal. Well, I still say he knew your age. But I do believe he will act suprised or angry about it. I still think you should tell him but I do think he will pretend to not know cause he isn't going to admit to a felony.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): Well, I have the hardest time in the world believing he didn't know your true age. I know at 19 that may not make sense but when you get older (like his age) you will see what I mean. At certain times of life people just act different. If you said you were 20 and you were 22, I could see him not picking up on that. But at 16 you are in a completely different mindset then at 18. At 16 you are very much still dependant on parents, you don't expect to make your own decisions (cause adults usually make them for you), at 16 you aren't focused on all the paths you have to choose for life like at 18 when you have to choose because of college or whatever else.
He is able to keep several relationships going at one time so he sounds smart enough to figure out that you were still in high school when he met you. Even things like you typing "eo" instead of each other are signs of your age. It can actually be easier to pick up on someone's age on the computer then it is in person, if you are really looking. And since you two had a 3 month internet relationship, I assume he picked up on one or two things.
I believe that is some of the reason he didn't start a relationship with you when he would with so many others. He wasn't willing to go to jail over it.
Now, I have to give a word of caution cause many women have felt that many players have changed for them. But usually the guy is just really good at keeping the other women hidden. You may have only known about the other 5 at the time cause he told you. And he probably told you cause he thought that it would make him look more desirable in your eyes. After all, he can't have sex with you anyway at the time, but it doesn't mean he can't plant seeds of how so many women want him.
I can't say he hasn't changed. You see it so maybe he has. But just realize, this man is probably pretty smart at what he does. He had 5 women in his life while he kept an underage girl on the back burner till she got older. He seems to know what he is doing.
HOWEVER, you want to be with him, so about the age thing, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't tell him. I would put money on it that he knows already. But it's best not to go into a relationship with a "It's OK that I lied cause you lied too" attitude. Be responsible for your lie and don't pull his in cause nothing can grow and thrive in an environment like that.
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