A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am currently separated from my husband. He asked for an open marriage in order to pursue his secretary. I said no and he left several months ago.I have a friend. I asked her to set me up with someone she knows. I was expecting her to suggest someone from work. Instead, she seriously pushed for me to sleep with her husband. We all considered it but she changed her mind before anything physical happened. He and I had a few steamy text messages but nothing beyond that.Turns out, she was having multiple affairs. She had recently turned 30 and obviously wasn't taking it well. Her husband found out about her infidelity and left her. He and I continued to text. Sometimes the texts were suggestive, other times not. I told him I wasn't willing to risk her friendship. She made it clear that if anything happened between us, she would no longer consider me a friend.I had a big arguement with my ex. The ex was accusing me of sleeping with someone and had called me every name in the book. I had not slept with anyone else at that point. My friend was mad at me because we were supposed to go out that night but I was too upset to have a good time. She left and I stayed home. I was at a real low point.Her ex texted me later that night. He'd had too much to drink and needed a ride. I picked him up, one thing led to another and we slept together. We spent all night doing everything we'd texted about. We tried to be smart but things got rough and we ended up with a broken condom. It's been a week and a half. It is starting to sink in just how stupid I've been. Not only have I betrayed a friend but I've put myself at risk for S.T.D.'s.I'm not sure I can live with the guilt. Every time she calls, I think this is it, she knows. He and I have agreed to forget it ever happened and go our separate ways but we live in a small town. It wouldn't take much for the story to get out. He and I are the only ones who know the full story but others know bits and pieces. I'm worried someone else will tell her or her ex will bring it up during a fight.Do I keep my mouth shut and hope everybody else will as well? Do I come clean and tell her the whole truth, knowing I'll lose her and her entire family? I don't have much in the way of family myself and I can't bear the thought of losing her. I had a weak moment. I wish I could go back and change it but I can't. What do I do?
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affair, condom, friend's husband, her ex, infidelity, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): Your hb called u every name in the book, and u felt somewhat offended AND you actually proved him right that very same night. He was not wrong was he?You say u don't have much in the name of family and your friend seems to be the only proper family u have. Now after actively seeking out and having sex with her hb you may have lost her too. Was one night of lust worth the betrayal of the bond with your friend. You messed up a lifetime of friendship for mere sex.No one forced u to have sex with your friends hb, you were not coerced, you made a choice and now need to face the consequences.U will find that u are going to pay a very hefty price for the sex you had. I think u will agree that your hb was not too far of the mark. Now that u have proved him right, what do u do? Make amens? How? U can either choose to continue with your lies and cheating or u can come clean with your friend or someone else may just beat u in telling her the truth. Where then do u hide your face?LoveGirl
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Oh how could you do that to your friend? she is your friend. Their relationship issues are their problem, it has nothing to do with you. So what if she has cheated on him? how is that your business? who needs enemies with friends like you?
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 December 2010):
 I say bite the bullet and be honest. You may lose her friendship, yes, but at least you will be doing the right thing. She will be angry, but down the road you may come together as friends again; you never know.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 You have to tell her. It is better she finds out from you, her friend, than if she found out from someone else or from her ex in the heat of an argument. Just explain what happened and tell her that it is not something you were actually pursuing because you were cherishing her friendship, unfortunately, we cannot always control how we feel sometimes. Apologize to her and ask that she find some way to forgive you. At this point, you have to prove to her that this friendship still means something. Good luck
I hope that helps.
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