A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think I'm in love with my friend who another country. It sounds so cliche and so stupid, but it's true. When I was in college, I studied for a semester abroad: we met, became friends and, as these things often go, only kept touch sporadically after I left. Earlier this year, he messaged me and wished me a happy birthday, saying that he planned to visit my city later in the year and hoped I would be around. Excited to be back in touch, I replied with a long e-mail. I instantly regretted it... I thought that any straight boy would see a letter of that length and be totally put off. I felt foolish. However, the next day he responded with a letter twice the size of mine. We've carried on like that at least twice a week since then with epic letters. I wouldn't necessarily say that they're romantic, but they are definitely intimate. We talk about very personal things and our correspondence has reached a level of honesty that probably wouldn't be possible (or at least be far more difficult) if we were talking face to face. We never mention significant others or our love life. I'm careful not to, I'm not sure if he is as well or if he is just doesn't care.I think I'm pretty self-aware chick: I know some of this might be projection and being in love with the possibility of something, some concept that can't have faults because it's so far away. That being said, it still really hurts! Would a boy put that much effort and energy into something without the prospect of something more? I have several guy friends who certainly wouldn't. Should I just let things progress organically until he visits? I know I should, but it's very difficult. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, petina1  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 There's always something about letters, emails, messenger that has an air of romance about it. Then when we are face to face with people we can clam up. Don't read too much into the letters, although I wouldnt say rule them out. By writing your feelings down on paper you can't ever say they didnt say these things because the proof is there. But it is always different face to face which is what you have to decide when you see him. Which parts are real and which parts of the relationship will be a romantic vision. You can write some of your true feelings about your concerns in the letters and see if he will answer that honestly in the meantime until he shows up in person.
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