A
male
age
36-40,
*ekomus
writes:I slept with my friend who has a boyfriend. I'm so torn up. I feel very guilty, but at the same time I wanted it to happen. I like this girl a lot. But we live in opposite sides of the country (right now). She basically told me to pretend like nothing happened but I just can't. She's been with her boy for about a year but every time she talks about him it doesn't seem like she has much to say, almost as if she's indifferent about him. But back to the main point, I felt something with her. Even though all the circumstances are working against me, it felt right with her. However, if I look at it rationally rather then emotionally, it doesn't seem like it would work. Please, please help me! I don't know what to do! This is the worst feeling ever...
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 "Thanks anon for the advise. The only thing is, I don't know if she wants this as much as I do. It sure seemed that way when we were in bed together, just with some of the things she was saying. But I don't know. We were both drunk at the time (of course that's how things like that always happen)"
Well, I think the fact you were drunk changes things just a little. Perhaps she wanted a bit of excitement? She has been with her bf "for about a year" and perhaps she misses those early feelings of anticipation, nervousness, etc at the beginning of any relationship?
"we haven't talked about it since then in a sober state. Should I at least try talking to her about it, or should I drop it altogether?"
Well this is up to you. At the end of the day can you move on without knowing if it could have been? Personally, I'd drop it and move on. However, if I was to regret not talking/trying then I'd go for it. If nothing else you'll get complete closure from this and it will make it eaiser to move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): She probably has feelings for you and has doubts about her boyfriend, but is not convinced she should leave him for you. If you'd really like to be with this girl eventually I'd say be her close friend and ride it out. She may realize she wants you at some point... but don't hold out for her because she may realize that she wants him.
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A
male
reader, yekomus +, writes (5 February 2008):
yekomus is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Namatjira. About her talking about her boyfriend, she's talks the same way about him to everyone, indifferent. Its almost seems as if she's with him for convenience. But I don't know for sure.However, I'm getting the feeling that you guys are right. As much as I would want something more to happen, it just can't or shouldn't. Another friend of mine will be getting married in about 4 months and she will probably be at the wedding as will I. So I guess I won't speak with her until then...
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 Forget it , the issue is dead and buried. Deal with it yourself and move on.
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (5 February 2008):
Hi,When you say that she does not seem to say much about her boyfriend, could it be that really she is uncomfortable talking about him with you. She may have quite serious feelings but because you are friends and she now knows how you really feel, then perhaps it is hard for her to discuss something she knows will hurt you.As she has stated that she would rather pretend it did not happen, I think you should respect that. Should that continue to be a real source of pain then maybe you can use the miles that separate you both to give yourself some cooling off. Get out and about. Mix with others, go out on dates with others. At best you may find a relationship that is better for you. At worst it will provide you with a distraction while your subconscious figures out what you ought to do.You are young and life still has many opportunities for you. One word of advice though. Don't get too intimate when you or your date have had too much to drink. It only complicates things.Good luck
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A
male
reader, yekomus +, writes (5 February 2008):
yekomus is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks anon for the advise. The only thing is, I don't know if she wants this as much as I do. It sure seemed that way when we were in bed together, just with some of the things she was saying. But I don't know. We were both drunk at the time (of course that's how things like that always happen), and we haven't talked about it since then in a sober state. Should I at least try talking to her about it, or should I drop it altogether?
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (5 February 2008):
Well some people say all's fair in love and war and go for it. However, I'm not of that opinion and believe that, ok, you are quite rightly hurting about this.
I think we've all been there, stuck in the "friend zone" with a girl you fancy who seems to have idiotic boyfriends and if only they'd be with you, you'd treat them right blah blah blah.
At the end of the day, if you're both living hundreds of miles away it's unlikely to work (not impossible).
However, I get the impression she doesn't want it as much as you do as you say "she basically told me to pretend like nothing happened but I just can't".
If I were you I'd leave it alone... easier for me to say as an "outsider" with no feelings/emotions involved than for you to do.
Only my opinion though. You've got to do what you think is right for YOU and only YOU can decide that.
Wish you luck in whatever you decide :)
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