A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently slept with my brother's friend. I knew the guy for a couple years and had a crush on him. We get along well and share common interests like playing boardgames so we always play games together with my brother. Whenever I hang out with that guy, there's always a chemistry between us. Plus he's a good friend and he tease/flirt with me a lot. It made me want a serious relationship with him. So i had "the talk" with him and figured he just want to have fun. He won't break up with his LDR girlfriend and said it's complicated. Then I asked if the girlfriend would be ok if we make up/hook up. He said she's fine with it. WTF right? I didn't understand his logic but slept with him anyway. Note: I wasn't expecting anything from him any more but just want to try the FWB thing he's interested. And I hated it. My brother found out about us and I told him the true. He got so piss at his friend and decided to him a hard time. They sort of made up later on. But I never talked that guy again. He hasn't spoken to me ever since.Part of me still want to be friends with him but he' was acting like a jerk when he knew I liked him. I can't unfriend him on FB cuz we have too many mutual friends and it might make people gossip. What should I do? Just ignore him completely? no birthday wishing, zero contact?Should have slap him in the face. Felt really for the girlfriend even though they are in a sort of "open" relationship.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (28 January 2016):
 Great, Now you art the Other Woman.
Chalk it up as a lesson learned. Don't be afraid of gossip, unfriend him and go no contact. He used you, he led you on, he acted like a jerk, and the "chemistry" wasn't really there.
For future reference. NSA FWB relationships rarely work out for very long. Open relationships are as rare as unicorns. Always have a private conversation with both parties before doing what you did. And last but not least, Don't sleep with your brothers buddies.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (28 January 2016):
 You should, first, learn from this that before you sleep with a guy, you need to establish a relationship then sleep with him within that relationship. If you seek a BF, you will not get him by offering sex first in hope that he will, because of sex, dump his GF for you. In fact, that has an opposite effect in guys mind: he gets to value his GF more because of you. I'm not trying to be harsh but realistic as to what goes through guys mind in a sex vs relationship situation. In general, sex, to a guy, is done because it's available; sex, to a girl, is done because of emotions... and you are the case in point: the guy flat-out lied to you that his GF is OK with it because you have set the bar on sex too low.
Anyway, you are indeed in an awkward situation and you are right, cutting him off is what you must do. So go no contact on him, ease out his circle of friends, perhaps slowly, avoid his company and ignore FB. Zero contact indeed.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 January 2016):
 I doubt his LDR GF is OK with him sleeping around. But there you were offering up some NSA sex and he felt the chance of HER (the GF) knowing was zero.
THAT is why he ignored you afterwards. He is hoping you will take the hint, it was JUST sex to him. And not something he felt or cared deeply for.
Why should you have slapped him in the face? You made the choice to sleep with him even though he has a GF and you thought it was strange she'd be OK with it.
And open relationship would mean that SHE knows about him and who has sex with. Do you really think she does?
Learn from this, don't be so gullible in the future.
A guy can flirt, banter, be fun and charming AND NOT care deeply for you. And many people (not just guys) wouldn't turn down some NSA sex. Specially if they think they can get away with it.
If you can't unfriend him, hide his feeds - change his status to "acquaintance".
Don't try casual sex, if you REALLY want more. It's not worth SETTLING for NSA/FWB. Because in the end YOU are the one who gets hurt. They presume that you are offering the NSA/FWB because you can HANDLE that it's "just" sex - when in reality you can't.
The guy is an asshole. Now you know.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (28 January 2016):
Wise up lady! How do you know what kind of relationship he and his girlfriend had? You offered him no-strings sex and so he probably told you exactly what you wanted to hear about what his girlfriend would, or wouldn’t mind. Do you think he’d tell you the truth if his girlfriend would mind?
He’s a cheat. He used you and you let him. You made a silly mistake, but you certainly don’t have to carry on making it. The thing to do is to completely ignore him. If you unfriend him, do you really think others will notice? Even if you don’t unfriend him, you can still ignore him: yes, no birthday wishes, comments or anything else. He’s a user. FWB doesn’t work especially with some-one for whom you have feelings. He will use those feelings to his advantage when it suits him. You surely deserve better than that. He is a lousy boyfriend, and a lousy friend to you and your brother.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2016): Firstly I doubt very much that they are in an open relationship- if you were to ask her or tell her directly on facebook about having sex with her boyfriend I am 90%sure she would not know. I don't think that you should really be friends seeing as he used you for sex and then never spoke to you after which is not nice so stay well clear.
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