A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive had a major crush on my boss at work for a while. A few weeks back when he was drunk he started texting me and said he would like to take me out one time. I didnt agree as wasnt sure whether dating my boss would be a good move. Anyway last night i thought go for it, so i went round his for drinks. Please bear this in mind, Ive never had a one night stand. Only had sex with 2 people in my life and both were long term boyfriends. Last night after we had a few drinks my boss told me he likes me but hes been seeing someone since February, Shes working away at the minute but comes back at the end of summer. Anyway after a few drinks we ended up sleeping together 4 or 5 times and then again this morning twice. Like i said im not the type of girl to have a one night stand or be the girl a guy cheats with but for some reason i dont feel used or upset. and i genuinely want to see him again, despite everything. What do you think? Does me still wanting to see him just highlight how much i like him? Should i wait around and see what happens with this girl or should i tell him where to go?
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at work, crush, crush on my boss, drunk, has a girlfriend, my boss, one night stand, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2013): Going by my experience, it is never a good idea to have alcohol on your first few dates. It totally takes away your rationality and correct perspective of things as they are and as they should be.... I quite agree with WIseOwlE..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): How about walking away from this completely. You allowed yourself to get involved with someone who had a girlfriend, and it was your boss on top of that. How would you like to find out your boyfriend did that to you with some broad that worked for him???
This has trouble ahead written all over it. Learn from your really big mistake here and let it go. Work on attracting a man who is single, not your boss and try a little harder to honor some girl code and don't be the girl who doesn't care if they are a part of the problem when it comes to cheating partners.
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A
female
reader, dcgirl15  +, writes (11 August 2013):
I want to start off by saying that what you did was objectively wrong. I understand that sometimes, you get into bad situations and you do things that you normally wouldn't but that doesn't change the situation. I think you're at a crossroads here. It could either be a mistake that you learn from or you could become the other woman.
"Sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you want to be. The person you are.” I found that on fb and I'm not sure who said it but it reminded me of your situation. I'm not sure who said it either but it's the content that matters. I think you know something isn't quite right or you wouldn't have turned to an online dating advice forum website.
I think you do like him a lot and that you probably didn't mean to do something bad. A person who was trying to fix the situation would probably tell him you like him but you regret your actions. Then follow up with the sentiment that you want to respect his relationship and you'll be giving him some distance but that there are no hard feelings. End with a "if circumstances change, I would be interested in pursuing this, but not with this current arrangement." If it did work out, you may need to address the fact that you know he's strayed in a relationship before and any trust issues that gives you. I just want you to get out before more real damage is caused to one of you three.
I know it hurts to fall for someone and feel as though the connection you two have is being obstructed by another person. It's important to remember that it's not your job to work around this barricade; it's his responsibility to remove it if you are really who he wants. If you're not, then you deserve to be free to find someone else to put you first. That's so much more rewarding and healthy.
I'm sorry because I know this might hurt to hear and this situation sucks. I wish you the very best results
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2013): Helloooo!!! It was a one-night stand.
He said he wanted to take you out "one time," and his girlfriend will be back. Who said anything about dating on a regular basis? Perhaps he'll cheat with you now and then; probably as a side-dish.
You compromised both your job and your credibility.
About your plans to "see him again, despite everything?"
Maybe his girlfriend may have something to say about that.
The story will be you both got drunk. You made advances toward him, because he's the boss. It didn't mean anything.
You made sure you were readily available; while you were both under the influence of alcohol. You're a certified accomplice in his scheme to cheat on his girlfriend.
How would you feel; if he was your boyfriend, and cheated with someone else? While you were away at work. Prepare for your karma, what goes around comes around.
You've sealed the deal, and manipulated things according to plan. The thing is, you both could get fired; if you bring this crap to work.
Sexual-tension is very obvious between people. The horny couple always thinks no one notices. Every self-righteous gossip within a 100 meters is sniffing for clues.
People have deep resentment for the woman sleeping with the boss, and they know all the signs. You'll be targets.
Write it off as an unfortunate indiscretion, and be professional at work. Get yourself a boyfriend; or date available men outside your job.
You don't dump where you eat, and you don't shag where you work.
This is a good rule to live by.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (11 August 2013):
 You are infact the side chick. I'm not trying to add fuel to a naked flame but you should feel bad. First of all he is your boss. Second, if he really wanted you, like genuinely wanted you then he would have left his gf to be with you. Third of all, if he does leave her for you, how would you feel knowing that he is the type that would sleep with someone he found he liked even although he is already in a relationship?. Him wanting to see you is just an attempt to get into your pants whenever he'd like which is what he has actually already succeeded at. You keep saying that you're "not that type of girl", truth be told, you now are. He knows that you're vulnerable and can be easily used and he will continue to use that to his advantage. Besides he's your boss. Leave it at that. Don't drink around him and don't hang around him if there's no one else around or he will keep asking you to "come around for drinks" which is so weak and pathetic of him. He is taking advantage of your naivety and you can't see that. He isn't dating you, he is just messing around with you. It's all part of his game. Leave this guy alone and get a real boyfriend. Stop being "that girl" that you argue that you're not. Since you've already slept with him, you have already put your job in jeopardy. Either continue to be "that type of girl" or possibly face unemployment. Either way, i don't see how you can win.Goodluck
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 August 2013):
 If you don't have a problem with helping a guy cheat not one time but more, then you are that type. You don't have to be a skank, an alcoholic wearing fish nets to be considered that type. Just because you don't feel bad about it doesn't make it right. Having a crush on a person doesn't justify cheating either. You could be risking your job if you continue to defend your genuine desires. You can be telling where your boss to go, which is out that door and get lost.
This is a crush that could crush your career and self esteem. There is a good reason why most crushes don't become anything real in relationships. He did not have to tell you about the girlfriend and that you are just a summer fling. At least he is being honest so you can use your own discretion. You had been warned so if you get burnt it is your own fault. It doesn't matter if his girlfriend and him breaks up later, just don't be that girl who breaks them up.
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