A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi to all,I am 17 years old, I am in the eleventh grade, and I go to a co-ed boarding school. Last year (my tenth grade year) My bestfriend met a boy who wen to out school as a senior and she was a junior at the time. I thought he was the ugliest person, and i told her i did not approve. She wanted me to like him as a friend so she introduced me to him and I found out he was a cool person. Him and I eventually became really good friends (or so I thought). I soon got annoyed by there relationship because they always hung out with each other and i rarely go to hang with her. But it got better and I got over it. I would hang with him sometimes and always say that he was like an older brother to me. It was not til one day when I said this to him and he replied "you can't be like a little sister to me becuz I don't look at my little sisters sexually". I did not want to tell my best friend, but she had to know. so a couple of weeks later i told her while they were in a fight (said it then cuz i didnt want to create a fight and ruin the relationship between me and the guy)...she was mad (at him), she didnt want me to dance with him at dances or spend time alone with him either. It sucked and I told her that it is not fair becuz I would never do anything with him...she just simply said, she did not trust me...of all people she did not trust me. I was devastated. He continually kept flirting with me and im not going to lie I loved the attention. My best friend went away on a trip with some other kids for a weekend. And ihad been telling her boyfriend that i wanted him o hook me up with his good friend, but he said that he wanted to hookup with me. I shouldve told my best friend right then, but i stupidly didnt. That weekend me and him hooked up...we kissed, he touched me everywhere and i gave him a hand job. In the beginning i did not want to do it, but her not trusting me hurt and it was as if i gave her a reason not to trust me. She came back from the trip and me and him hooked up again. She told him that she was playing a game of truth or dare and kissed a bunch of people and he was MAD...but he felt bad and told her that WE ALMOST KISSED and that was it. She was terribly mad at me and it took her three weeks to forgive me. After her forgiveness he still wanted to hook up with me, but this time we attempted to have sex two times (meaning there was no penetration for either times) and she did not know. They lost their virginity to each other before him and i attempted to have sex. She did not know at all. He graduated and i was really sad, but i continued to smile in her face and act as her best friend (wrongfully). Over the summer, him and I would call each other and talk for hours on the phone...and she still didnt know. Her and I came back to school this year and she did not want to talk to me (and i wish she wouldve kept it that way). She eventually started to tlk to me again, and we were like were before he came into the picture. Him and I hadnt tlked for awhile (and i wish it stayed that way). They broke up for reasons i dont know, but then he started to tlk to me and flirt with me and i stupidly gave in. In december he came o visit the school to spend time with her, but the day before she came back, we attempted to have sex again (no penetration) and we did other things. I also helped him to surprise her becuz she didnt know he was coming and it worked. Just recently did she tell one of my other friends that she didnt trust me (she had many reasons to this time) and I lied and tld her that I dont want anything to do with your boyfriend. SHe didn't believe me. I decided to tell her the truth about everything, but she didnt want to hear it. My other friend sent my best friend an email saying that the truth will come out sooner or later.. and I think that scared him. He called me and told me he was going to tell her everything. She came up to my room and simply said "I HATE YOU" and I deserved it. HE lied to her about some of the things just to save himself. She came into my room the next day trying to make me admit that i was a F**Ked up person and a B***CH, but i was not going to do that. I mad a huge mistake and i lied to her for a very long time and her and I being friends is out of the question and I am okay with that. But I don't know (since I go to a boarding school) how to ignore people who may talk about me. Junior year is a tough year academically and I do not want to have to deal with the people who have little to nothing to do with the situation. I am nervous about what they may think... because I am a good person and this is the first time I got into trouble for a silly boy... I a good person, but made a HUGE mistake, and I don't know if I can take the possible ridicule and possible isolation... what should I do to get my confidence back up and reassure my self? Please help... and realize that i have come to terms about what i did...it was morally wrong and I know she will never forgive me, but I just would like to know what should I do with myself?
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best friend, broke up, confidence, flirt, hand-job Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): I'm not going to provide the same kind of comfort here that the others have given so far. What you did was utterly disrespectful, pathetic and totally inconsiderate and her attitude towards you is justified - the boyfirend on his part is also liable but that doesn't take anything away from you either. If you guys were older and a lot more maturer trust me, this kind of thing would be 100 times worst and certainly not something to move on from so easily. You need to understand this now and keep this in mind for the future and not view this as a minor blip in your life, it's a major thing and make sure with this understanding that you don't do something as disgusting as this again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): Im sure things will get better in time, as they say times a great healer. Don't forget this guy is just as much part in it too. And if your friend cant see that as well then just good ridance.
Even the best of people can make mistakes and you just got learn to forgive yourself before anyone else. You realise you did wrong and thats a huge step foward. Get yoru head focused on what you want tp achieve this year and set your mind to it.
Its a new year and new begginings so think new start ^_^ Im sure there will be plenty of other people who are not going to judge and dont be too hard on yourself.
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A
female
reader, sweetheart03 +, writes (14 January 2009):
First off u were wrong! And u know it. That's not being a friend you were being selfish because if u felt so bad it would have happened once not many differnt times....kissing touching whatever! How do u think he looks at u the bestfriend messing with him! And do u think he's a honest guy? No!!! He's getting what he wants from u and her! Just except that she will never trust u and won't be Ur friend again. Try and ask her if she will forgive u but u did to much I think. And most important u lost a friend over a guy u probley will never c in about a year or two. It wasn't worth it is what I mean
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A
female
reader, Coco-Jayne  +, writes (14 January 2009):
Right okay, what you did was a very bad thing to your so called best friend admittedly, but come on! People forget things quite easily. And are you trying to tell me that half the people there havent done anything similar to what you have. Its all part of growing up. We make mistakes and we learn from them, though sometimes not right away. We take risks because we can adn we all love the excitment and attention from time to time. What you have got to remember is who you really are. This is going to be a new start for you, accept your mistakes and put them behind you. If you deal with things openly and honestly then people cant fault you. As you say you are a good person and what you need to do now is prove this to people. Show them you aint that naive young girl you once were, you are a mature person who wants to get on with her life. Im not saying everyones going to be okay with what you did and that theyll be no nasty comments but to be honest, its only what you deserve, in time it will pass and itll all be a thing of the past. I hope you learn from all this but dont let it ruin your future :) xxx
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A
female
reader, Ask JenniHearts  +, writes (14 January 2009):
 i've seen this happen before. now let me start out by saying DONT LOOSE GRIP! you know what you did was wrong and i bet you would take it back. but now that it's happened you have to keep moving forward.
she was the one blind to it in the first place. so thats not your fault. just look at it this way. there are alot mre fish in the sea and that goes friends wise.
just let it blow over. she'll get over it. andyou will too...
hope this helps.
jenni hearts
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