A
female
age
30-35,
*ostinaseaoffaces
writes:About eight months ago, I met a guy on facebook. We chatted, started talking on the phone, and eventually decided to meet. So I drove to his house (Which is convienent because he lives about three miles away) to meet him and he asked me to be his girlfriend within a few minutes of being at his house. He doesn't have a car, a job, and he lives with his dad. (he recently moved in with his dad because the internet and phone got taken away at his moms so henceforth moving in with his dad) He plays World of warcraft. He is basically addicted to this game. for the past few days, he has not been playing it until i leave. Heres what happens daily: I get up, shower (get decent and pretty ;D) and drive over to his house in which i open the door walk in, and walk to his bedroom to see him still laying in bed on reddit/4chan/WoW. I come in, sit on his bed, basically wait for him to get done with what hes doing (about five mins ish?) then he greets me with his hi/hello baby. we laze around his house all day - (im always asking him if i can take him somwhere or we can go do somthing, but he keeps refusing because he is trying to save money to go see harry potter) (it will only cost 7$ per ticket BUT anyway....) he doesnt want to go places anyway. he likes sitting around watching tv/movies all day. I like going outside for walks, doing somthing with my life, etc. he refuses to go for walks with me btw. he always complains about it being too hot. even at night time. Back to my question, lol I apologize. What do you guys think I should do? I feel stuck. I feel like our relationship has run its course and there is nothing else fun we can do together because the things i like doing he doesnt like doing at all. fyi, he always gets what he wants when he wants it... (sex, etc)i enjoying being with him i feel we have deep conversations about things. but thats all that i enjoy doing with him. I enjoy the sex and the conversations. But I simply cannot see him stepping up to the plate and being a man. he is 22 years old doesnt know how to drive, never had a job or tried getting one, and only has his GED. When I talk about him getting a job, he shakes his head, sighs and gets on the computer. (this is the first time ive been on the computer in months. literally so)What should I do and what is your opinion?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lostinaseaoffaces +, writes (6 July 2011):
Lostinaseaoffaces is verified as being by the original poster of the question I don't want to give him an ultimatum. I really think that it should be his drive to provide happiness for his partner just as well as I am trying my best to make him happy. Wonderful answers! I really appreciate every single one of them.
"All he can give you convo and a penis. He is still a kid."
LOVE IT. made me laugh for ten minutes!
" He's a bum. And, at least he were a clean, fresh smelling bum"
I'm still 17 so I'm going to just try not be serious with him right now. I will probably not be going over to his home for a few days. I need to think about what i'm going to do. Again, thank you all so much for your answers
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 July 2011):
 My opinion is that it's amazing you can have conversations with this guy, since the lifestyle he's always had and that's not very conducive to accumulate thoughts, reflections, life experiences, personal visionsand insights,...basically anything worth talking about.
Honey, what do you want to do... dump him. He's a bum. And, at least he were a clean, fresh smelling bum - but his hygiene does not sounds so great too.
What you are doing with him sounds a very limiting and boring life for a smart girl- I am sure you can find someone better !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): I used to have a boyfriend like this.
Exactly like this.
But we used to play Lineage 2.woot woot!! (yes we I was an addicted gamer as well)
He would not shower, get a job, want to go out, anything! He just wanted to lay around and play! He always said he cared about me, but never showed it.
And Im like you I want to be something, go places, live life! have fun! Not be stuck in a game 24/7.
I game too, but I also work, go to school , have a life I get pretty and like to go out! travel! go to the beach! like you!
It came to the point where he was not even making the effort to see me, people like this who are so addicted to games , who are incapable of moving a finger to help themselves, I tried my best to help him and encourage him, in everything from school to helping him get a job. He loved that game more than me and he had no aspirations at all and wasnt what I wanted in a bf.
It came to the point where I got tired of it, he never made an effort for me, or to get ahead as well, and he also started to mistreat me because he was frustrated with his life, but never made an effort to improve. I finally left him.
Now I'm with a wonderful person, and we play games together too, but he has a job, goes to college,we are beginning our own business and has projects with me, we have traveled around the world and I'm absolutely delighted!!!!
I know that you think you can help them...but addict gamers...and people who lack aspirations, drive, or are just plain lazy are really hard to motivate or help. My advice is to leave him, he clearly doesn't want to improve or try to meet someone new...because it is very unlikely he will change. I lost two years of my life to figure that out I hope this does not happen to you.
I'm extremely happy now, I wish that I would have broken up earlier with him.
and wherever he is now Shihiro or Njob(his character's names)I know he has not changed, and still games obsessively, and has not improved a bit even after me leaving him! I thought I could help him but leaving him was the BEST decision I made and I will never regret it. He took me for granted and he was not worth it AT ALL. I left him and I'm really happy now...I encourage you to think about it.
Please give yourself another chance..relationships like that are awful, I was in the same exact spot! 3 trust me..you will meet someone wonderful! Someone who deserves you :) I am with someone who loves me dearly...really give yourself another chance with someone else :D totally worth it! 3
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (6 July 2011):
 Why does he need to TRY anything when the people around him deliver him what he wants?
I am going to guess that his Mom kicked him out of the house and Dad came to his "rescue".
The first time you met him, he could not even BOTHER meeting you somewhere in public? (Please do not ever meet someone for the first time at their house! Always meet someone the first time in public!)
All he can give you convo and a penis. He is still a kid.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 It is clear that the both of you have very different out looks in life and therefore for that reason I don't think that the relationship will last. You like to be out doing activities and enjoying yourself while he gets his enjoyment from sitting in doors all day watching films and playing games. You are both on two different wave lengths here. You cannot make him in to someone he is not though. Off course he should try and meet you down the middle. You don't need money to go and visit a park or go to a beach or for a walk. He needs to meet you down the middle somewhere.
Your only option here is to be honest with him and tell him you don't think the relationship is going to work if he doesn't start making an effort in to pleasing you as well. You allow him to get his way all the time but he needs to start making you happy and doing things fun with you as well. Explain this to him or else tell him it is over. If he still doesn't change well then I guess it is his lose and you should cut your ties and find a man who is more suited to you.
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