A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm turning 25 in a couple of months and have finished university, seeking a career in the business/IT consulting field. Never had a girlfriend in my entire life, no girl has ever been interested in me and have come up empty all the time. To be honest..... I'm not exactly sure why? Chalk it up to just plain bad-luck?I used to be shy but don't seem to have problems talking and making friends with girls. I have been rejected from about 7-8 girls throughout my life, each for different reasons that I cannot really explain or understand. I'm at least average-looking, if not rated higher with many good qualities such as honesty, caring and ability to get along reasonably well with a lot of people. I'm far from shallow and have reasonable hobbies/interests. There shouldn't be much, if anything that scare off women.Girls seem to treat me as a friend or are not interested, no matter what else I have tried. At this point, since I will be most likely entering a primarily-male work environment, meeting women may be quite difficult. I have tried asking my female friends to see if they can hook me up with any girls, but that never yields anything. It seems that all of their friends are taken or they do not make a satisfactory effort to actually do this.Other problem: I can't really find any decent girls who are also single. Additionally, I'm pretty much the only person around my group of friends or other acquaintances (including ones my age) who has never had a relationship before. Seriously, it just seems that I've been losing out for WAY too long. Another thing that bothers me is that it is always ME that has to initiate hanging out with people. Girls barely ever call/talk to me, even though I've known them for awhile. I don't get it.I have attempted to try Plentyoffish and online dating. I've been there for about a few weeks and never get any responses. My messages seem fair, sincere and never come across as being overly aggressive and also make references to a girl's interest/hobbies. Still nothing! Any suggestions/advice? It isn't my social network that is the problem. All I really ask for is having a fair shot/opportunity and one girl to show interest. I know this is hard to believe, but am I just one of those guys that can't ever catch a break when it comes to dating? Am I missing "something"?I never envisioned being lonely into my mid 20's, with nothing to show for my efforts. Everything else in life, I have earned through perseverance and hard work. It pains me that when it comes to girls/relationships, nothing. If this continues into my 30's..... I don't know how what I'm going to do.
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a break, never had a girlfriend, shy, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Ted-ster  +, writes (5 July 2011):
Truth of the matter is that by 17, you can tell if you're a guy who gets laid (one of the very few), or a guy just wants to get laid (all the rest). Girls decide. I have never had a problem getting women to go home with me (or me to theior place). However, I'm the only one of my group of guy friends (about 5 or 6). Sometimes one of friends gets lucky, once every 6 months or so. There's something that girls want, and all girls want it (whatever it is), but it's either there or it's not. If I knew the secret, I'd sell it, because it doesn't make sense to me. I am tall, so I think that's mainly it. My other friends are shorter -- they've even ditched me because they say I take all the girls, but even then, they don't get it (usally) even when I'm not there. These guys are nice, smart and even wealthy, but girls don't flock to them at bars. Women are strange.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 Well it sounds like you have confidence in yourself which is a great start because girls like men who have confidence but aren't to full of themselves. It could just be possible that you have been looking up girls that are just not right for you. You say you have asked all your female friends to hook you up with one of there friends. But they might see this as you being desperate. Maybe you are just trying a bit to hard. You know there is a funny saying once you stop searching you will find what you are looking for.
OK so you are near 25 and you feel that time is running out. I can understand that. But sometimes you probably try a bit to hard without even realising. Maybe you are looking in the wrong place for a girl. Do you have an active social life? Maybe instead of putting all your time in to finding a girl you could spend good quality time on nights out with friends. Who know's who you could meet on a night out and if you don't try to hard that may attract a girl even more to you. Just be yourself and be honest to yourself about who you are. Your time will come.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): Two years ago, I was in the same exact situation. I had recently finished undergrads and I was working full time at an investment firm. I was a 25-year old male virgin and had never been in a romantic relationship. I was actually very depressed over this issue. Finally, when I moved to another country for grad school, for some reason, things started to happen for me in the relationship arena. About 4 months into my studies, I met a beautiful girl who became my first girlfriend. I lost my virginity at 26!Maybe it was the fact that I promised myself I would stop thinking about relationships and my shortcomings in that domain. When I finally let go, these things came to me naturally. I guess what I'm trying to say is that your situation is no big deal and certainly no that unusual. Sure, we are behind the averages, but so what! Stop worrying about this and concentrate on your career. The other things in life will come to you naturally once you are at peace with your situation.
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