A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am really confused. I split up with my boyfriend at the weekend by text (I am appalled that I did it in that way, and instantly regretted doing it but I was rarely able to get hold of him on the phone which I found deeply frustrating. We were in a long distance relationship so my view is telephoning each other is essential. He was always very sweet by text, but he told me he found things difficult to talk about verbally). Anyway, he has since text me normally as if nothing has happened. I can't decide if he hasn't received my text or he is in denial. He seems to be carrying on as if everything is normal and he hasn't referred to my text at all.As far as I am concerned we have split up. I contacted him today to ask him if he received my text. I am awaiting a reply. However, I feel like I am in limbo because I still love him yet find all this so frustrating. We got on really well, there was no big row, just me feeling frustrated at a level of communication that was too low for me. The communications that I do receive from him are just the same as they always were - lovely and full of concern for me but too low in number for me. We are still communicating with each other so the channels of communication are still open but I just don't know where we are now. As I said earlier, as far as I am concerned we have split up (but I wish we hadn't) yet it appears he either didn't get the text or is in denial. I am not sure where to go from here!
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female
reader, AngellicaWaters  +, writes (16 July 2009):
 You are absolutely right about the biggest problem here being communication, but it's up to both of you to communicate.
Throwing in the towel on a relationship and not communicating why isn't going to lead to long-term happiness for you in any relationship. You have to tell someone what the problem is before a relationship reaches the point where you want to end it. Then you have to work towards solving that problem together.
It's good you have realized you made a mistake in doing so, so now it's time to talk with him and tell him what the problem is. If a lack of good and frequent communication is a dealbreaker for you in a relationship (as it should be in any relationship) you need to tell him this.
Then you two need to make an agreement about how much more communication you need and how much he is willing to give you. If he is able to keep the agreement, that is great.
If he cannot increase the amount of communication, then he isn't going to make you happy in the long run. If this is the case, for your next relationship, absolutely be open and communicate what you are looking for from the beginning and if the guy doesn't match up, move on.
The point of dating is to find someone you are compatible with (their ideas, morals and interests should match yours) and the point of a committed relationship is to coexist happily with someone you are compatible with.
A
male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (15 July 2009):
 Where do you want to go from here?What are your feelings for this guy?How long have you been dating and how often do you see each other? Assume he got your text.He probably cares a lot for you and doesn`t want the relationship to end.Explain how you feel to him.If your not happy about the levels of communication tell him your not happy and that for you to move forward things need to change.You are broke up , but maybe it would be worth wile to see if he will meet your demands and take him back.And obviously you may not want to text all this so tell him you really need to talk by phone,and that you have a lot to talk about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): The only place to go from here is to wait and speak to him in person. I agree texting is not appropriate to maintain a relationship long distance or otherwise. It is the lowest level of communication there is and can lead to a lot of projecting and misinterpretation.
If the guy can't express him self verbally, that sounds like a lie to me or someone who is really low functioning in the relationship department.
Long distance relationships are hard. It sounds to me that this one has out lived it's charm and it is probably time for you both to move on and find love in your own communitites.
Good luck.
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