A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with a woman at work. She knows that and has been a very good friend. We hang out every now and then and talk to each other lots everyday. I had recently proposed to her to give our relationship a chance. She asked me to wait and give her some time. I was fine with that. However, off late, she had been very secretive and I recently found her exchanging emails with some other guy which were quite dirty in nature and expressing love for each other. They had met recently on a work assignment and I had a feeling about something being on between the two of them. When I asked her about it, she was more disturbed about my having seen her messages than try and understand my viewpoint. She said she was just being there for him as he is going through some personal crisis. And she again said she likes me a lot but can't commit to me yet and is not sure. I do love her a lot and was so devastated that I couldn't even express what I am going through. In any case she is upset that I browsed through her messages breaking the trust and I see her point of view. But I am not sure if she sees mine. Not sure what I have to do here.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): I feel your pain, but I have to go with the consensus on this one. She likely is trying to let you down easily, but doesn't know how so she ended up stringing you along.
My advice would be to distance yourself from her as much as possible. It will suck cutting her out of your life, but hopefully it will suck for her too and make her appreciate you and what you have to offer in a different light.
Do not go through her emails again. This is a violation of trust. Trust is very difficult to gain and very easy to lose. Once lost, you might as well just give it up. That is also not a good way to start a relationship.
A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 The thing is, if the situation were reversed, you wouldn't have needed time to decide if you wanted to date, you already decided. She has probably already decided too (but not in the way you want). Unfortunately, in matters of the heart, a "maybe" is the same as a "no". It's just less kind.
She knows who you are. Its not as though she needs to verify any facts, or like she can research her emotions. Her's aren't really the same as your's. You like her more than she likes you. That sucks, but going through her emails isn't going to help anything, being angry at her for flirting with someone else won't change anything either. Maybe at some point her attitude will change, but I wouldn't count on it if I were you. You already offered her something good, she hasn't accepted it. You can wait and hope she comes around, but while you are waiting, I would put some distance between the two of you. It sounds as though you really thought she felt the same as you do, I'm really sorry that it didn't turn out how you hoped. Best of luck to you in the situation.
Oh, I just realized I didn't totally answer your question. If you remove from your mind the idea that she actually has feelings for you, then hopefully you can see, you have no point. You invaded the privacy of a coworker that you have a crush on. One who has not returned your feelings. Its understandable, but not justifiable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Cindy. I know what you mean but here it is not exactly unilateral. She asked me to give her time to decide. And I have been absolutely fine giving it to her.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (22 April 2010):
 I don't think you had a right to go through her messages. She had a right to be upset because she has no relationship with you right now, she is not your girlfriend. You like her and wish there were more but she is not committing to anything therefore you have no right. She is interested in this other guy but does not give you a definite answer because she probably wants to string you along just in case her new fling don't work out. Don't just hang there being her second choice, go out meet girls, you will probably find someone who will return the love. Back to your question I don't see your point either you need to stop going through her stuff.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 And your point of view would be....?
That,since you are unilaterally in love with her, it's OK for you to snoop into her private correspondence ?....
Uhm. Very difficult she may see it this way.
all you can do is to wait that hopefully in time she gets less upset.
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