A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so there's this military guy i met with.I just wanted someone to date.. we went out to dinner. i dropped him off to on base i get out the car we made out he was groping me and hugging me tight. Then we meet up again the next day ( i am a virgin) i went to his place i got on his bed we made out i get on top of him he takes off my shirt he start kissing on my body. Then i lied AND told him i was on it, so we couldn't have sex since i just met him..i just wanted to hang but i know guys want more than that so we were making out doing other stuff like having dry sex. but i am i still considered a virgin if he didn't go inside me or what??
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dry sex, kissing, military, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 July 2012):
 I think you need to get some sexual education.
A person is not a virgin when they have intercourse. There are “technical virgins” where girls give blow jobs and receive oral sex and even will have anal intercourse but will not allow a penis in their vagina so that they can maintain their “virgin” status. (I call BS on that but I’m an old fuddy duddy)
The bigger issue is
A. You LIED to him… NEVER lie.
B. You went to his room and set up a situation where had you said NO and he did not agree he could have raped you… you don’t know this guy and you should NOT be going back to men’s beds if you don’t want to finish the act… not unless you are upfront in the first place about where you stand sexually.
Going back to his room and pretending you are experienced and willing to have sex when you are not is playing with fire. Don’t play with fire.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 July 2012):
 If you want to stay a virgin you really need to stay out of guy's beds and keep the petting to a minimum. If you get on a bed and on top of a guy, he is going to think YOU want more too, so try not to put yourself in situations like that.
I agree with chigirl, you sounds absolutely ignorant about sex and that is never a good thing. Educate yourself.
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A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (6 July 2012):
Dont just move with the wind. Take a firm stand if you dont want to have sex, and better not put yourself in awkward places like his bed. If you want someone to date, let things progress reasonably. Get to know each other, have a connection, then sex can come along.Yes you're still a virgin but you wont be much longer if you continue like this. You will run out of excuses and just give in to something you're not ready for. Does he even know that you want to date or he thinks this is just a fun ride? He might get rid of you after he gets what he wants.Lose your virginity because you want to,and you're ready, not because you're pressured into doing it.
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A
female
reader, diamondshards  +, writes (6 July 2012):
Of course you're still a virgin- which, by the way, is not something you should just hide and lie about. If you don't want to have sex with a guy, telling him bullshit will only last for so long- eventually the truth will surface. That is, if you last long enough for this to happen, of course.Which brings me to the big question that formed itself in my mind as I read your post: if you just wanted to hang out with a guy without getting physical, why did you see again this one who was groping you after just a few hours with you? Why going to his house, laying on his bed etc? Those are all situations you should have avoided in such a context, given the fact they point in the opposite direction of what you wanted to do. What is done is done, but keep in mind for future reference that you don't go to the place of a guy you barely know on a second date, when he had already tried being somewhat physical on the first, if you don't want to have sex yourself. Last but not least: 'I just wanted to hang but I know guys want more than that so we were making out....having dry sex.' Did you even want to do that? Or did you make out and have dry sex with him just to please him? And why in the world would you do that? I can try and take a guess here, say that you're lonely, for instance, and just wanted someone to keep you company, nothing wrong with that, but you have to stand your ground and be able not to do stuff you don't wish to just to 'keep' a guy around. How long will a guy like that last anyway? And even if it does keep him around, it won't be to spend time with you, but to gain pleasure out of you. Respecting yourself, your wishes and your limits will pay off a lot more in the long run. Be more careful next time.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (6 July 2012):
 if he did not penetrate your vagina with his penis , and has not been penetrated by a penis you are still a virgin.
technically : a penis penetration of the hymen (breaking open the hymen- popping the cherry)in the vagina would mean loosing a women's virginity .
technically if no vagina penetration happened you are still a virgin.
sounds like you took it a little too far and playing with fire. if you want to remain a virgin you need to set boundaries for yourself and the men you see.
going to his bed , taking your shirt off, and dry humping was giving him a green light.( a guy will think she is the type that will put out)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 July 2012):
 Do you know what it means to be a virgin? How educated are you about sex? You should make some google searches, or go to your local library, and learn about the reproductive system, what is and what isn't virginity, how women end up pregnant, and learn about sexually transmitted illnesses.
Yes, you are a virgin. You have not yet had a penis enter your vagina = you are a virgin in the clinical sense of the word.
But I must add that NOT all men want "more". The perverts and horny guys who just want to use you for sex, THEY always want more than just hanging out. But a guy who genuinely cares about you doesn't. A guy who gropes you on the first date and on the second date wants you in his bed is NOT interested in YOU, he just wants sex. And not all guys are like this!
Don't lie to guys. Don't pretend to be slutty if you're not. Next time just say: I don't want to have sex with you. Or: I'm not interesting in taking things further.
If they start asking why, then that just shows their immaturity and how they just wanted sex. A mature man who is actually interested in you will WAIT and NOT ask why. He'll get it. Of course a woman who respects herself doesn't want to have sex with a man she barely knows... everyone knows that.
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