A
male
age
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*beu123
writes:i'm a 52 y/o and i met this young lady who is 31. we hit it off from the start. i told her that i've been married for quite some time and divorced ten yrs, have three grown childrens and whatnot and that i'm not interested in having anymore. she told me that her doctor said that it's highly unlikely that she could get pregnant but not impossible because of a condition she has and she told me that she've been taking birth controls faithfully for years. between october when i met her and june we were intimate once or twice weekly. sometime i used condoms but most times i didn't and when i didn't she told me i had nothing to worry about. she called me the other day and told me that she's pregnant and i feel very strongly that she did it on purpose because she wants to get married and have children and i've only known her eight months and that we should get to know each other longer but always made it clear to her that i do not want to be another father at this point and time in my life and she did it anyway. i'm very upset and dissappointed. what kind of advise can you offer? thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2009): I can not stand women who do this, and I am a woman. I am a woman who does not want kids and I am glad I am not in the position of men who plenty of times get lied to and tricked into the seedy world of fatherhood.Blah! That said, men need to understand that they can help to prevent this from happening by deciding to use a condom no matter what SHE says, or by getting a vasectomy when they know that they absolutely positively want no more children. It all comes down to personal responsibility. So....go get a vasectomy and if this kid arrives and is yours I would give the advice to just do the best you can for the child. If you don't love this woman let her go, if you do let her know this IS the only child you will have with her.Best of luck!
A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Here is the first problem, you dated someone knowing that you did not share the same goals for the future. This a factor that contributed to you ending up in this situation. Had you been with someone who had the same goals that you do (not to have any more children) then you both would have worked together to ensure this situation would not happen.Unfortunately you relinquished your responsibility and left it up to her some of the time. This resulted in this situation. The only way to achieve what you want or to prevent what you don't want from happening is for 100% of your actions to match up with your goal. You decided it was worth it to have unprotected sex and to leave your fate up to someone else. That is how you ended up in this situation. How to proceed from now is up to both of you. If you are having another child, get on board with it. This is a lesson in responsibility and your future child will need to learn this, as well so that he or she doesn't make the same mistakes you have. Considering you don't know this woman very well and she wants to get married. I would say that would be an unwise move on your part considering you two both have a lot to learn considering responsibility right now. You made one mistake (a big one, yes) but don't make another by getting married to someone you barely know. Deal with the fact that you are having a child first and foremost. You can't deny it's happening and you can't change it. Then work on getting to know your future child's mother. Even if you don't have a love match with her, you can still work on having a good friendship for the sake of the child you are having. This isn't what you wanted, but this child didn't ask for it either. Fortunately, by being a good parent, you can make it so your child never regrets being born to you or his/her mother. You have the chance to take what you have learned here and teach this to your future child. Responsibility is something very important to learn in life and we can only rely on ourselves to take the right amount of responsibility for our own action and this will absolutely determine what happens in our lives. You create everything that happens in your life and you are completely responsible for it, you can consciously create what you want or let life hand you what it thinks you deserve. Either way, you will be learning something.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (16 July 2009):
 It's a rather low thing to do to man of any age, the old "trap 'em with a baby" routine, but it's how a lot of women go about latching on to a man. There is probably no escape from financially supporting the child, depends what country you reside in, but you do not have to feel morally obligated to be a father in every sense of the word when you made it clear that was something you weren't up for. At the other end of the stick, you can't maintain an ongoing sexual relationship with someone and expect them not to think you genuinely care about them. That's where a lot of women get the wrong impression and think that a baby will be just the thing to give you that push you need to settle down with them. Unfortunately, she hasn't been honest with you, and I think that will be a thorn in your side forever, so your relationship is probably doomed.
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