A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:At the end of last year I ended an 18 month relationship because it wasn't working out, and I was having family problems at the same time which didn't help. The relationship had been great for the majority of the 18 months but had been degenerating slowly, to the point where I was receiving subtle hints from her that maybe we should take a long break or that it wasn't going to work out. So I guess last November I couldn't take anymore of it and ended it. As soon as those words came out of my mouth she turned into a monster and did not stop verbally abusing me for the next half an hour at the top of her voice. She even went out the front of my house and started screaming in the street and kicking my garbage bin, gathering the attention of half the street and making it look like I had done something terrible to her.That broke me in a way, and it didn't help that she kept ringing me for the next week or so, either pleading with me to take her back or going on another tirade of abuse. Looking back on it i should have just hung up, but at the time I didn't really know what to do. It all culminated in her threatening to commit suicide over the phone, which really screwed me up.Eventually I just blocked her number and isolated myself from her, avoiding her at all costs. In doing that I lost pretty much all my friends I shared with her. It did make me feel better though.The thing is right now I am really missing the comfort and love that comes from having someone close to you, but I'm really still scared about getting hurt like last time. I don't want to go through that again, it really put me in a bad place, but I really want another gf. help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): I'm glad you found something useful in what I said! Yeah it is really good to start over completely in a new city...Though that could be hard if you're in the middle of school. I was lucky because I was just starting my PhD this year, so it was easier to move and start everything again at once. It's still pretty hard though. I hope you don't have to see her with her new guy around school all the time!! My ex has since moved to England, but before I found that out I'd feel sick at the possibility of bumping into him whenever I'd go back home, so I know how you must feel :(Yeah I think it does take a while to come out of your shell again. None of my dating has been remotely successful yet lol :) Maybe it takes a while to start coming across to people you meet as open and ready to be with someone, even after you're feeling that way. Message me if you still want to talk about it with someone who at least partly understands :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow that is a bit of a coincidence...:(
The support of a close friend would be nice i had one :) I am working on it though.
It doesn't really worry me if the next relationship I have doesn't last, although I guess that depends heavily on how much i like the girl :). Its kind of funny you bring up moving cities, I really considered it and still want to go somewhere where no one knows who I am and start over.
In regards to being reminded of her, she goes to my school (which I got her into) and had a new bf when we went back after holidays (February). I didn't care that she got another bf, it just pissed me off cause of what I went through when I broke up with her. So anyways, I just try to avoid her around school, which i really shouldn't have to do but I just feel really really sick when shes around.
I haven't been on any dates since, though i really want to. I guess i'm still coming out of my shell a bit after what happened.
Thanks very much for your answer, it was really informative and helpful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): I'm not sure what I can say, other than that I went through the same thing, in a freaky coincidence - I broke up with him in november, and he turned into a monster too, verbally abusing me, he also threatened to commit suicide and he hit me and stalked me until I got the cops involved. And I know what you mean, maybe we can start a support network lol - aussie singles missing the support of a loving relationship :) Anyway, now to trying to help you - after my breakup I became really close friends with a guy from work who was also going through a breakup and that helped a lot with things like not worrying about getting hurt again. Do you wonder how it can last with someone else after that turned out not to work? I'm lucky I moved to a different city soon after we broke up and I don't have many memories of us here :) do you still feel like everything reminds you of her? Have you been on any dates since? I've been on a few but I feel like I don't know how it's meant to go or what to do. I think it'd be good for you to get out and get to know some new girls. This could help you work through some issues from your last relationship - I'm finding that dating again is bringing up some things for me to sort through - or you could find a fantastic girl really soon :)
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