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female
age
41-50,
*njelflower
writes: I split up with my boyf of 4 years, just over 3 weeks ago, as he said he thinks we should split up.We have had some problems in the past. I suffered depression in the past and told him I didn't love him. I didn't mean it as my depression had taken over and all i felt was numb at the time.He was upset and begged for us to try again which we did.Things were ok after that but then he split with me again saying he can't get over me telling him that I didn't love him . I kept saying that I didn't mean it and i regret ever saying that. But he still feels hurt about it. We got back together 3 days later everything was fine up until 3 weeks ago and then he broke up with me, but says he's confused and just wants to be friends, but he still texts me and when we see each other he wants to kiss me and make love to me(Not have sex(his words). I asked him about getting back together but he says sometimes he's confused and that if we get back together something down the line will break us up again?How can he want to do these things but remain friends, I'm so confused
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 Hi anjelflower,
What u need to do is have a say in the relationship and define how u want things to be. If u arent happy with the way he is handling things like being friends and still wanting sex then i think u should let him know. If he doesnt want a relationship with u then u should let him know that he cant have sex.
I know u did things in the relationship like saying u "didnt love him", when u didnt mean it. THis might not be a nice thing to say but u have apologised and if he isnt willing to forgive u then u should try and move on. Just learn from this experience and know that no matter how upset u feel u should try not to slip out certain negative words.
I would advise you for now to take off relationship and try work on your depression. THis has been a factor that influenced ur break up in relationship. Seek professional help and counselling and when u feel better u will be able to handle things with him or anyone else u are involved with.
Take care love.
A
female
reader, Adelaide +, writes (10 January 2007):
 HiI understand how you must be feeling at the moment and I sympathise with you having to battle with depression its not easy.This long term relationship seems to have run it's course, you are both feeling a little confused perhaps you have both been in a comfort zone and are scared to venture out as single people. Unfortunately only the two of you can decide what is best for you both.I think perhaps an honest and open chat will put you both in the picture of your true feelings for each other, it is pointless saying things that you don't mean. Be truthful be open and be honest and if you are scared of breaking up tell him.If you are no wiser from having a chat with him, my advice would be to have a seperation for say 3 months, by all means have contact by text or telephone but definately no sex no cuddles this may give you both a chance to breath and put a little distance between you hopefully this will give you both the time to think about what you both really want now and in the future.Good Luck and Best WishesAdelaide
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