A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am frustrated and unhappy and thinking of leaving my 3 year relationship. My live in divorced boyfriend's ex wife seems to think it is appropriate for everyone to run errands for her and thir child. She instructs him to tell me to pick up art supplies as I work in the area and can go in my lunch hour. She told him to arrange for my sister to pick up the child from his gran when she heard my sister would be at a wedding there. I could go on, the list is long and it has been like this for a year since we moved in together. . He doesn't seem to think there is much wrong, although he often expresses frustration when she gives him errands to run, he says he has no choice as it is for the child. I don't mind that, I just want him to leave me and my family out of it and tell her straight he does not get my relatives to do favours for his ex wife. Instead of being a spineless pushover. And that he should not even bring up the possibility of involving my family with me, unless it is a major never to be repeated emergency.
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divorce, ex-wife, his ex, moved in, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (28 February 2014):
Do you see yourself marrying this guy or spending the rest of your life with him? I'm doubting it. So why not just end it now since it seems to be a source of such frustration?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): She is obviously using a situation to her favour, BUT, if your boyfriend said couple of times NO, she would stop. Also,who told her about your sister going to a wedding? I bet, your boyfriend did . I think he even suggested so your sister can pick his child up. how often do you have to do these favours? If its couple times a months, I don't see such a huge problem doing it, , unless these favours take hours from your time. I think it's more a matter of principal than actual time consuming errands. If it is, then I disagree with this policy. When you make a step as serious as having a relationship with a man who has a child, be prepare to have this child in your life, and yes, run errands for her. Even if an ex asks you to do it. You can't just separate yourself from his child. Child existed before you came into his life, and always will. I know quite a bit of couples like that, and there always a problem when it comes to children. There is always resentment of doing something for them ( I am not his mother/ father, why do I have to). Well, then find yourself someone who has no children, and then he will be all yours
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2014):
 This is not about the ex wife. this about your boyfriend being a wuss. He won't tell her NO...
so all you have to do is say NO to him. YOU say NO your family says NO then he can say to her "NO I won't ask because they won't do it."
IF he does it because he is afraid she will withhold the child from him he needs a good attorney to get the visitation and child support written in such a way that if she denies him access at his time, he can take her to court and YOU and YOUR family helping HER (not the child) will not have any bearing on it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 February 2014):
 Are you crazy?????? Here you have a "boyfriend" who is treating you like his (and is ex's) personal "go-fer"!!!!!
Put your foot down... say: "This stops TODAY..... and stays stopped FOREVER".... and, if he doesn't go along with that..... then let out a big sigh of relief and say to yourself: "Damn, I almost got myself in to one of what was about the goofiest arrangement that most people have ever heard of...."
Good luck...
P.S. THIS is one of the MANY "prices" that women "pay" when they move in with guys who have been savvy enough to shield this (behaviour) from you whilest they were sweet-talking you in to sharing an address with them. I rarely - if ever - would suggest that a woman do so ("move in" with a man prior to marriage.).
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A
male
reader, DragonMan +, writes (27 February 2014):
 Greetings,
I must concur with HoneyPie,
Such a situation is recipe for disaster, firstly I would never agree to have an ex living with me if I was in a relationship for this very reason, it creates tension and drama.
You need to put your foot down and tell your bf that if he wants to help his ex that is fine but you need to not be involved, or the rest of your family.
I do not believe this is for the child as the mother seems to be lacking in this department, any mother worth her salt would be doing the picking up of her own child. What she is doing is making her claim clear by getting him to do all this and by going through him she is making it clear to you who he responds to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): This has nothing to do with her and everything to do with the type of person he is. She rules the roost and he allows it. He sounds henpecked and weak. Yes I would leave too rather than allow this circus to continue.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 February 2014):
 I'm sorry I would PUT my foot down. One thing is to run errands for things the child might need while she/he is at YOUR place, but to run errands for the EX wife? HECK NO!
For your family to act as taxi drivers so SHE doesn't have to pick up her child? Again NO, HECK NO.
Now who TOLD her your sister would be at a wedding in town X? I'm betting your husband?
This isn't about being good to the child, it's about a woman who will USE anyone to get things done so SHE doesn't HAVE to.
I would tell him that whatever pertains to his child (as far as errands HE can take care off) And I would tell him to LEAVE YOUR family out of her little snazzy arrangements.
MY guess is her reasons for doings this is two fold. 1. it means less "work" for her to do and 2. she knows it can create drama.
The fact that she calls HIM to "arrange" all these things makes me think it's option 2 more then one. If she wanted YOU to do her a favor couldn't she just call you?
And BULLSHIT, when he says he has no choice. It's not for the child it's for the ex wife, she just USES the child as an excuse to manipulate YOUR lives.
I wouldn't stand for this at all.
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