A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex has changed so much in the past few months, it's like he is a different person. I can't stop thinking about him and now he wants to get back together but I'm still hurting from the way he acted when we were together. So, we were together for a year or so and we fought a lot. It was over silly things but our sex life was so good I kind let it slip. I know it's stupid but we always made up so it just kept happening. Eventually I found out he had used drugs while on a lads holiday, and slept with a women he met over there. I found out when his mate let it slip that he had spent most the holiday stoned, and my ex then told me about this other women. I'm anti-drug, and he knew this so he choose to lie about his usage of cannabis, and his cheating had no excuse, whether he was high ot not so I ended things.That was a year ago, and recently I found myself needed his help. Basically my car broke down, and I had no money to get it fixed. My ex knows a lot about cars, so I called his work place and asked if he could help me out. He came over to my house and fixed the car, he seemed different, I can't explain it but more grown up and more together. We chatted for a while as he worked on my car and I agreed to meet him for a drink to say thank you. I intended to pay him for his time and the parts when I got paid so we arranged to met on my payday. In-between that time he text me quite a lot, just asking about the car, my job, how I was ect. Then he asked if I wanted to go for a meal when we met up. I don't know why but I agreed. He then refused to take any money from me and paid for the meal. He seems so charming now, it's like he had a personality transplant. He has asked me out again, and told me he wants us to try make a proper go of things now. He told me I was beautiful and he never stopped caring about me, he was just an idiot at the time but he has grown up and sorted his life out. He always had a way of sweet talking me into things, and I worry this is just another one of those times. I haven't been with anyone since him, and I miss having someone there. I really want things to work out but I have this doubt that I will just get hurt again. What could I do to try resolve this doubt? Do you guys think it's silly to date an ex? I just feel so confused and he texts or calls every day! My friends and sister insist that I shouldn't answer the phone but I can't stop myself at times. I distanced myself from him after our break up so in regards to his drug use, I'm not sure if he still uses but he has apologized for cheating on me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2014): Hi there,
If you really believe he has changed for the better , then give him the benefit if the doubt .
If it doesn't work out this time then you know it will probably be for the best .
At the end of the day , life is way too short for what ifs.
never have regrets , just lessons . But still keep your guard up , until you know for sure .
Hope this helps , do what makes you happy, your family are telling you not contact him etc because they love you And don't want you to get hurt .
It's your life , not there's
:)
A
female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (28 February 2014):
 If he wants to try and work something out and you want to try, too, then why not! Life is too short! If it doesn't work out then so be it, but you'll never have the doubt of not having tried.
Some people get back together and it works out great and so there is always hope! It really is a personal preference and if you have changed just as much as he has it can really bring new spark into a relationship.
What you need to remember, though, is to leave all past arguments in the past and never dwell on them if you plan to start afresh and you never know what might happen!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): It's all a good cover. He's a phony. You are being naive and letting your feelings overrule your common-sense and better judgment.
You are setting yourself up. He did you a favor, and your excuse for going to him was just to bring him back into your life.
If your feelings are still there; our advice isn't likely to take much effect. It is highly probable you are going to take him back. He knows how to get next to you, and he is already putting on a good front. He hasn't changed; he is seducing you. Putting on his best face; so you will weaken and take him back.
When weakness over-takes you; think back on how he hurt you and ruined your relationship the first time. Think of having to go through that allover again.
It has only been a few months; so you aren't healed enough to make a logical decision. You will make an emotional decision; which is going to be, to take him back. Then you will see the real side of him once again; once he's gotten you where he wants you to be.
Recycled boyfriends almost never work out. You were wrong to go to him for help. It was just a convenient excuse to bring him back. Please don't try to deceive the aunts into believing it was necessary, and unintentional. We know better.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2014):
 I doubt he's changed that much... but to satisfy yourself you could spend some time with him.
DO NOT sleep with him... let him woo you like it was a first time meeting... get to know him all over again...
and that's not weeks we are talking about but rather MONTHS... and NO SEX....
the only way to know if he has changed (and yes people can change) is to let him show you OVER TIME. anyone can be good for a short term thing...
next time you need help.. don't call an ex. that was your big mistake. YOU opened this can of worms all by yourself.
This will however prove to be enlightening for you...
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