A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am older than my husband. He is from a different country and keeps calling me old woman. This has been going on for a while now and I find it very irritatating and annoying and when someone persists in keep saying and doing something that you don't like than how do you deal with that. Because I feel like leaving the person now because they wont stop this, or do you think I'm over reacting? But I think he's saying these things to put me down as he does other things as well. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2014): There is a limit on how much you can take a certain joke. Especially if it's a sensitive subject like age or your appearance.Honestly midpoint really like jokers at all. At one point they runout of new jokes and repeat the same over and over again. Tell him to stop and see what happens.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): "But I think he's saying these things to put me down as he does other things as well."
You know when you're being put down; and the other things he does rules out kidding. Take a stance, and allow him a chance to change. If he doesn't stop putting you down. Do something about it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (27 February 2014):
 Like SVC's, my relationship is with a woman who is older than I am. Occasionally, I will make a quip about her advanced years (For example: "I love the giant Redwood trees, out in California. They're majestic and have perserved through centuries. Thanks for planting them.")
HOWEVER.... such quips are infrequent, mostly just between us.... AND, if she ever gave me the slightest indication that she was sensitive to them, I'd discontinue them in a heartbeat!!!
Talk to your man and see if he knows that you are sensitive to them... and learn how he feels about them (and your reaction to them)!!!! That will "tell you" how to handle this...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (27 February 2014):
 I'd be interested to know what else he does to put you down, but actually the name calling is enough. Often used by one partner to try to put the other partner down, lower their self esteem and therefore gain more power in the relationship. It's not a good sign. I would stand up to him, be strong.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2014):
 Have you told him that being called "old woman" bothers you?
If you have told him and he still persists, it may be his pet name for you and he may not realize how much it bothers you.
I'm much older than my husband (13 yrs) and I get why it bothers you but I am thinking he's doing it affectionately and not realizing it bugs you so much.
I would say "darling I'm sure you mean it affectionately but I have to say that when you call me "old woman" it really bothers me and I need you to not do it. Therefore from now on when you call me that I will ignore you and walk away from our conversation as a way to remind you that it bothers me so"
if he does it out of habit he only needs to be retrained.
If he is doing it to insult you and put you down then that's different.
Just to let you know my affectionate "pet name" for my hubby is "shithead BOY" it's not meant to put him down.. it's meant with affection (when he's being a jerk)... but to call a fully grown man BOY is insulting their manhood... He doesn't mind when I do it in private but I have to not do it in public. that bothers him. He knows it's affectionate from me.. but if he said "I hate being called "shithead BOY" I would stop.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): If name-calling and put-downs are his way of showing his feelings,then no. You are not overreacting.
You just haven't seriously addressed the issue. Ask him to stop, and lay down an ultimatum. Simply tell him you are offended by his put-downs and being called an old-woman. If he doesn't stop, you will leave him.
If he doesn't stop. Leave him. Keep a suitcase packed, call your mother or sister; and have a place ready that you can stay until you cool off.
Also tell him that it has bothered you so much that you have considered divorce. That's how bad it has gotten. He's not taking you seriously, because you haven't put your foot down. Passive-aggressive behavior doesn't get a point across. Put something into action, and let there be consequences. No bluffing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 February 2014):
 I would talk to him, if he doesn't stop and you don't like it, maybe find a name for him.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (27 February 2014):
Have you talked to him about it? If you have and he still does it…then ask him this “If you thought I was too old for you, and you were going to complain about it, why you married me?”
Reacting to childish comments just gives him power to boost his ego. Ignore him every time he does something childish.
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