A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know if anyone will be able to help me with this, but i hope so.I had a teacher (Who is head of department and on the governing board for the school) who was extensively innappropriate with me over a period of 4 years. He used to touch me, masturbate in front of me and tried to blackmail me into a sexual favours/for help/grades arrangement twice. Once by lowering my grade, the next by threatening to fail me. At the time i was in love with him, still am but i had to do what was best for me as he went too far. It became obvious to me that his only interest was controlling and hurting me and getting his kicks. When he tried to blackmail me the second time i told him if he didn't stop, if he didnt tell me why he was doing this i would be forced to report him. He told me to go ahead. I went to my deputy head, my teacher was hanging around outside as he didn't think i would do it. I tried to tell my deputy head everything that happened but he stopped me, he told me to stop. He said something would be done, there were procedures to go through and that he had to talk to the head. I heard nothing for the days leading up the easter break (2 weeks).When i came back i went straight to my deputy to ask him what was going to happen. He was extremely nasty and rude to me he said, 'What do you expect me to do about it', 'he didn't do that much', 'it wasnt that bad' 'it's not as if you've had sex with him.... have you?' 'wheres your evidence?' 'this is not a school matter'. 'I suggest yopu think long and hard about what it is you are doing.'I was very angry and very upset, i felt utterly betrayed, i of course told my dad who immediately made an appointment to see him. He showed my dad two emails i had sent in the last few months; the first one 'I'm still the girl that moved into your group in year 10, the girl that used to find excuses to see you afterschool every monday and wednesday.' This was in essence a defence on my part, as at this time my teacher had become nasty and vindictive and was being very cruel to me in terms of picking at me and at my work for no reason. Accusing me of being stuck up, i wanted to remind him that i was still the girl he liked all those years ago. I am ashamed to say, that at the time all i wanted was for things to go back to they way they used to be. I wanted him to like me again, and stop hating me. When my deputy showed my dad this email, i am guessing he felt a need for explanation; as the deputy said to my dad that the school had told my teacher to stop seeing me alone afterschool. Funnily enough my teacher didn't... surely that is an admission of negligience? He also showed my dad another email from a month before (the last email i ever sent him) 'i guess in the end everyone was right about you' - essentially my teacher has a very bad reputation, one of being a pervert and a bully, and because i was the only one who gave him a chance i was reinforcing that he had managed to turn me against him also; that i had realized that everything they said about him was true. It was an admission of giving up with him. Anyway, another thing that i found incredibly... well my deputy told my dad that this teacher had been 'counselling me'... funny thing is i barely told this teacher anything despite his many questions and so if asked what for;; he wouldn;t be able to answer. I assume this is an excuse on the teacher's part for seeing me so often as there is no other excuse (we spent a hell of a lot of time together and 2 years worth of emails (he never reported)) funny that... After i had reported him (before this convo with my deputy) i had actually been approached by my teacher on the first day back.. he came looking for me and asked me why i wasnt in his lesson.. even though he knew. And a friend of mine later overheard (after this convo with my deputy and my dad's convo with him) my deputy and this teacher talking; apparently my teacher explaining 'that he only wanted to see me to ask why i wasnt in this lesson', my deputy told him it was 'better if he didn't speak to me.. didnt see me'.... It amazes me, this situation. After my exams i reported this to the police in a 30 page statement that took 6 hours. I am yet to hear from them 2 weeks down the line at the moment. I am wondering whether anyone has any idea about this situaton i.e. why my deputy behaved in the way he did, why he told my dad i was being 'counselled', what my deputy's actions are in terms of the law (whether they are criminal or criminally negligient), and how the police might deal with this. I am interested in why my deputy behaved this way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThats crap, im really sorry :( I had a call from the police today telling me that they are pursuing the investigation have had a meeting with the school and LEA and will be taking him in for questioning;;; they won't be investigating until term time (sept) i think to do with resources and ease. I don't know if they will charge him but he has a list of offences from before - he used to tuck girls shirts in; and many people staff and students thought there was something untoward going on. It's hard to tell though i guess because without hard evidence its alot speculation.. really im mostly relying on believability and public interest - if they think he is a paedophile or his story isnt believable then i guess he will be charged and it will get to court..
I;m sorry things didn't work out with your situation, i guess in these situations sometimes it is your word against theirs. Did the story get to the media?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): oh my god.
i understand why it has taken you so long because i was in love too but it was wrong of course my teacher didnt get charged she got away with it only because she was a woman and i am a girl if it was a man then he would have got charged what a load of shit i know it has taken me a year to get over it, some times i think about her, but not much anymore it was the hardest thing ever with the police and then everyone started to make up rumours about what was happening saying that i had shagged her and stuff which was not correct so i am labelled gay everywhere i go
what stage are you at now? oh and the deputy thing, my headteacher didnt want to believe one of her 'best' staff was able to have done such a thing btw
please talk back, georgie x
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've reported this to the police. I would hope they take it seriously. Laws may be different where you are, i am british.
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A
female
reader, busy04  +, writes (24 July 2009):
 In response to the poster of this question:
I know exactly what the law says it is. Let me tell you something when I was 13 years old I was raped by a teacher of mine who was 35 at that time, and there was a full trial & everything because of it, so I am NOT ignorant to what the law says about it! And I haven't said anything about that not being the case for you. What I did stress however, if you read my post clearly is that it was still was a long time to do something about the situation. And like I said if there have been other young girls that were involved in the same situation with him like this, then finding about their stories could be of more help: even with the deputy head, so he can take more action toward it. I'm not trying to say anything bad to hurt you, all I'm saying is the more you have to prove this mans issues, the better chance there is of something being seriously done. Because if he's still teaching and all that stuff (I don't know if he is nor not), obviously he's not being looked into. Like you said, he has a bad reputation, then he needs to be stopped before he does this to someone else (if he hasn't already)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn answer to busy04; I am 18 now, this started when i was 14. I fell in love with him because he took an interest in me, the innappropriate behaviour came later when we had an established bond. Also; this teacher has a reputation for bad behaviour, he used to tuck in shirts and has been reported before for innappropriate behaviour. He is 52 years old. And i have had no problems with the law, the problems i had were with my deputy head. The law doesn't take this lightly at all, it is actually sexual touching of a minor and attractions or involvement with anyone underage of 16 is paedophilia.
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A
male
reader, Livelife +, writes (24 July 2009):
The shorter answer is that he did this most likely to protect the teacher and himself from getting into any type of trouble. This type of thing upsets me a lot, it's incredibly unfair and very wrong, but it happens a lot.
It's much easier for the school to side with a teacher who's been there for some time and dismiss a student's accusations rather than follow up on doing what's right. Teacher's aren't always easy to find, and in some cases the school would rather do whatever to keep them there even if they're doing things like that on the side.
This whole situation sucks, it really does, and I'm really sorry. What he did to you is definitely a big deal and your deputy should not have dismissed it so lightly. I'm extremely proud of you for going to the school and the police, most people would not be able to do that. I really hope things work out in the end for you and that you get justice that you deserve. I'm sorry this all happend, and if you need any more advice or just to talk you can always message me, or anyone else on here and we'll try to help.
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female
reader, busy04 +, writes (24 July 2009):
I'm sorry that you had to go through these things.
This is a very sticky situation. It is wrong for this to be handled lightly by the law...but the reason I can see them treating it this way, is because you were "entertaining" this teacher, and you did say that you were in love with him. Were you not? This doesn't seem one sided just with the teacher, and especially since it's been 4 years, it makes things harder to prove. And sometimes in cases like this, the law doesn't put an effort into doing what's right if the female has been involved willingly & especially if she has no physical evidence, I'm not saying that this is right of them but that's the way things are with the law nowadays. And 4 years is a long time to wait to take action for something of this nature. I suggest that you gather up important information, enough for them to take you seriously, bring it to higher government if possible (because your teacher probably has more influence on the city deputy than you,they may be friends: you never know), do some research and find out if there have been other girls in this situation with this teacher, seek a restraining order against the teacher & you yourself need to stay away from him. Find a different school to attend and stay out of the teachers faces after school hours! Don't allow yourself to get tangled up in certain situations.
I hope things get better for you.
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