A
female
age
36-40,
*alteser
writes:I have discoverd that i am about 4 weeks pregnant. I am happy and scared at the same time. Last time i was pregnant i had a termination because my boyfriend dident want it. I felt under great pressure and i decided that a teremination was the best thing to do. But i have regretted my decision eversince. I am scared to tell my boyfriend that i am pregnant because i think that he will try to pressure me again. I want to keep the child but i feel to scared and so unprepared to have a baby. I am terrified about the future. I dont want to be a single mum whos daily exhistance is going to the shops. But at the same time i want to do what is right.I feel that abortion is wrong and i have regretted what i did. I get flash backs and have nightmares about it. Please could someone give me there opinions or advice because i am so scared.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): Seek support to help you think things out clearly without pressure, and to find out what resources would be available for you to parent alone. Talk to your parents. They may be initially shocked, but they will be there to support you and their grandchild.Contact Origins-USA.orgDo not be pressured into adopting either because anything done under pressure will be regretted.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): Please google "birth mother" and look around for women with stories to tell about placing children for adoption. "Concerned United Birthparents" (CUB) is one very good place to start. Adoption is usually harder, rather than easier, than abortion. You could regret adoption every bit as much and have just as much distress about it if you choose that route.My advice to you is to start setting up a support system right now for yourself and your baby. Keeping your baby will be hard, but so will any other option you have, if you are truly against abortion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): Well, of course you are scared and apprehensive about telling your boyfriend. But you'll have to, sooner or later sit down with him and see what he says and what he is prepared to do to help you.
UNLESS you and your boyfriend plan to get married, that is. Its understandable that he doesn't want a baby - but I wonder, after you had an abortion before, why did you not use adequate birth control (and a lot of times "accidents" happen, unless you are on the pill - which is 99 percent effective).
Anyway, if you have the baby and put it up for adoption, that may be a hard choice for you. However, think of it this way: you say you don't want to spend all your time going to the shops as a single mother. Being a single mother is very, very hard - as I expect you know. YOU will be responsible for the baby's pediatric care (even with help from the National Health Care Service); costs of diapers, food, clothes, etc. And that's just for starters. Wait till he/she enters school! It will be up to you to encourage the child to do his/her homework and deal with the joys, pressures, and so on of school life.
Essentially, you will have to take care of just about everything and assume responsibility for at least the next 20 years. Can you handle that?
There will be joys and rewards for you, sure, but it will be a long, hard road. So, if you choose to give up the baby for adoption, he/she will hopefully get a loving home with two parents who really want a child and are prepared for one. You may be able to keep in touch with them and follow your daughter or son's progress as he grows up. And of course, you need not feel bad about (not) terminating the pregnancy!
You need to think about your future: career, for instance. Yes, sometimes women do manage to have a career and hold down a good job which pays enough to cover parental financial obligations. Indeed they do. But its not easy.
Nor will you be able to simply take off for a night out, or vacation whenever you want. Not unless you have family members or friends to babysit for you. Otherwise you'll need to pay a babysitter, or daycare, neither of which is inexpensive.
Think long and hard about all this, and do what seems best FOR THE BABY'S well being now and for the long term. I know you will love the child and be attached, that's natural. But again, the baby's welfare has to be your absolute first priority. Every child deserves the best start in life.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, cls1990 +, writes (15 April 2009):
 dont let your boyfriend pressure you into anything you dont want.
my mum is a single mum & has been for 14 years, yes she struggles but she manages & i think she has done a really good job of raising myself & my younger sister. Im sure there will be more help available to you now than what there was for my mum all those years ago!
You can do anything you put your mind to
Good luck with everything
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A
female
reader, kissxmexagainx  +, writes (15 April 2009):
 I was in the exact same situation as you. When I was 16 I got pregnant && my boyfriend at the time convinced me to have an abortion. He said he couldn't be with me if I had the baby. I have regretted it ever since. It kills me inside. I am pregnant again [6 months] && couldn't be happier. I have a very supportive boyfriend who is going to be a great father [&& husband soon]
are you with the same guy as before? Don't let him convince you to do something you feel is wrong. It would ruin your life, as I think you know. If he is willing to leave you for having a child, then he's not worth it at all. Being a single mom would be hard but a lot of people manage to get by && I'm sure you could too. If you couldn't handle it, then would you consider adoption?
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