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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I'm 20 and in a five year relationship with the best guy in the world. But recently I have been messing around with one guy I have become very attached to. It's been happening a few months. I love my boyfriend and am very happy in my relationship; I don't want to be messing around!! I have told this other guy I can't do this any more, as I have never cheated before in my life. This is totally out of my character.I keep this vision in my head that we can just be friends, but every time I visit he starts by putting his hand on my leg then he will kiss me. I tell him this can't happen AGAIN!, but he always gets me. I just can't say no. Every time I cheat I almost regret it after.. Driving home I always start crying. I want to stop but I cant say no.My questions are, how do I stop? And CAN we just be friends? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, kelos1  +, writes (26 September 2014):
I think u should tell your boyfriend the truth. If u ve slept with da guy. N if u didnt, dan is not a big problem.
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female
reader, jasmine07  +, writes (19 April 2011):
Hey girls
I decided to tell my bf the truth about MC and Jaselle...
He was very furious and completely pissed.
but in the end, he was patient and listened to what I had to say.
After 4.5 hours of contemplating, he forgave me and we both realized MC and Jaselle were not friends and they were using me the entire time.
I cannot believe I have a man like him in my life, he forgave me and loves me still the same. He is the one thing I can count on in this hectic life and age. I never thought for a second he would forgive me, but he did.
All I can say is it is better to tell the truth then to have it rot within you. I am so happy I told him the truth, now we can move on with our lives as well as learn from our mistakes, well I can move on and learn from MY mistakes.
I know there are times when your bf/gf will not forgive you for cheating on him/her, and it will be painful, but it is so much better having it out there in the open, to be honest and truthful.
One other thing to think about is the result of it all:
1. he/she stays with you and remembers all the pain and torture you put him/her through
2. they go off and find some who is capable of loving them the way they deserve
I told my bf I wasn't going to be selfish and allow him to stay with me when he could find someone else who will love him the way he should be. He told me because of the fact that MC and Jaselle were mostly to blame, that he would be able to forgive me and stay with me again.
I had to ask myself if him staying with me was the best decision, would I ever betray him again?
Answer is no, I have learned my lesson and never plan on betraying him again.
So just ask that question after you tell them the truth: are you ever gonna betray their trust again?
p.s. this column was able to help me be strong and tell the truth, thank you so much. and good luck to the rest of you.
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reader, jasmine07 +, writes (17 April 2011):
Wow. I'm not happy to know I'm not alone, but it does give me some comfort.
I have been in the best and longest relationship of my life for about 2 years. I have wanted him for about 5 years and now I finally have him, even though it is long distance, point is, I have him. He loves me and I love him, so shouldn't that be perfect?
Well, about one year into the relationship, one of my ex's (Will) came around. I really just wanted to be friends and what made it worse was my bf wasn't in town. One night, we started messing around, no kissing, no sex, just messing. The night after that, I think he got the wrong signal from me cause he tried to do more with me. I couldn't say "no" at first, but eventually did. When my bf came home, I told him what happened and he was furious, but he forgave me because it wasn't legally "cheating". One condition: never speak to Will again.
Over the next year, I have been gaining a lot of male friends, just because I don't like hanging out with girls all that much. One night, after a trip to see my bf, I gained another male friend (MC). I thought he was gonna be cool, cause he, along with my other friend (Jazelle) wanted me to just be free and have fun. They took me out to have fun and I ended up passing out. I don't drink and this was the first time. The next thing I know is, I'm in his bed. I cheated on my bf. But I hardly remember it. What's worse is, I trusted MC, so I thought, hey he was drunk and so was I, but no, after hanging out with MC a little more, I've ended up having sex with him one other time and oral 3 times, all on separate occasions. I didn't want to do any of them, but I felt I was being forced to do it. Jaselle didn't help either, if anything, she was his partner in crime.
I don't want him, I want my bf, but for some odd reason I just can't say NO.
I feel like dying inside whenever I think of telling my bf. But I know he will dump me when he finds out. Someone close to him also tells him I'm a slut. I don't want to tell him it's true, but it's wrong to keep it from him. I don't want to have relations with anyone else but him. I am not blaming anyone but myself for this. I have been known to be a slut at my old school, but I really wasn't, just fell in love with the wrong type of guy. I just don't know what to do.
a) tell him and risk losing him and knowing he will let himself go
b) keep it to myself and take it to my grave
c) have a fight and make it to the point where we break up, without him knowing the truth
d) I don't believe there is no other answer.
someone please help me.
I'm an idiot...and I know it.
I want to be his wife one day, I want to have his kids, I want to be faithful and true.
What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): It can be difficult to be friends with other guys while with your boyfriend because other guys are desperate to go out with you and your boyfriend could be territorial.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): MmkAy I have biin in this before I been dating this guy for 3 years so not as much as you but I love him seriously but the thiing is he lives in a other county and my ex lives in my community and he has a sister who I'm real close with and his mom loves me LOL and so I go over there alot and some how some way I always find my self in my exs bed makinout I'm still. Virgen and want to stay one till I get out of my teens but I always feel sad and depressed and stupid after even if it's just kissin and I'm not sluty at all it's just ..... Well Idk but I actually was straight. Up with my boyfriend and told him I was sorry and told him what I did and that takes a lot of guts but I did yes of course he got mad and we had alittle trust problems but I felt alittle better and he forgave me but still brings it up somtimes and no I don't think you guys should stay friends until u learn to say no because your just hurtin yourself trust me you did the crime so tell yourman and pay your time what ever that might be and that will also prove how muchove is in your relationship now I'm just a kid so it's up to u but I go to my exs and think of the real man I love and that turns me off of him LOL because I don't love him at all to me love is the strongest word a person can say if they find the true meaning and but yea I go over there and he trys but I just say no because I'm in love and if I don't want my man cheating I not goin to good luck say no LOL
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): Well looks like we are all rocking in the same boat. im 21 years old, and recently engaged to be married in less than two months. my fiances old army friend comes in from time to time, and me being the kind hearted person that i am is the only one who will put up with his marriage drama. Nobody wants to hear about it, its always the same story, same fight, but he needed support, so i was there to give it. it started out through texting, then small phone calls, then i realized i was starting to kinda connect, and ive always thought he was attractive. anyways, we started finding ourselves trying to get our group of friends together to hang out, when all we really wanted was to see each other, and that was the only way, bc going out alone in this town wouldnt have worked. we would drink and laugh and my boyfriend at the time would always make comments later about how he always made contact at me. i just blew it off, when i knew what he was saying. long story short, his marriage just ended, and ive been talking to him now more than ever. we always talked about our dreams, and he started to tell me things i loved to hear, even when i knew they were wrong, i knew i should just tell him he cant talk to me like he does, but i couldnt. everything we talked about, was everything i was missing in my relationship, a spiritual connection. so i was working on my new home with my fiance, and we called it a day, i told him i was going out with some friends, and he went home, i called this guy and he came over to meet me. at first we sat on the porch and talked, then when it was time to say goodbye it got reall awkward real quick. i knew he wanted to kiss me but it turned into a bad hug. then he asked if he could kiss me on the cheek, and i just blushed and asked him to come inside. and bam, i fucked up..you can guess the rest. i let my willpower and attraction get the best of me. now i am totally confused. i am sooo in love with my fiance and will never dream to tell him. he would kill him. so how do you get rid of the guilt? how do you explain to the other guy? what is my reasons for doing this? if your so in love with someone, why is it so easy to cheat?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): You already know the answer to that question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): i feel the same way about my ex. but you have to take control in a situation like this. i cant ever say that it is easy because when feelings are involed it is hard. but take control of yourself. it is your decision. if you love your boyfriend and you see a future with him then tell the others one bye! you will think about him from time to time, but you will move on. and let your boyfreind know so that it wont be on your heart for a long time. just tell him what you did and the decision that you made. take my advice
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reader, sethjames08 +, writes (1 July 2010):
There is no possible way you can stay friends with the other guy. He does not feel the same way about the situation. As you said he is the one starting everything when you see eachother. Just ask your self one question, Is this guy worth you losing your boyfriend of 5 or however many years? Your answer should be enough to give you strength to break things off with the other guy.
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reader, True +, writes (13 May 2010):
Ight, although this question has been up since 2005 im'a still say it... first you CAN'T be friend with him anymore or even have contact with him because it will only make you remeber and regret. Second... Tell your boyfriend what you have done because if he doesnt take you back then o well but if he does this can lead to you having you getting some burden of your chest and not only does that happen but he may actualy will want to please you more... For people in similar situations you have alot of really f'ed up paths and only one right one so always remeber some of that regret and live on to pick the right one in the future if you succumb to the wrong one...
=)
=/ To the others... from what i've read of the others in this post their are either true lovers, just lovers, true sluts, or just sluts...
Although i see alot of true lovers(altough they were still crushed) but are giving advice is really something so HEAD THEIR WARNINGS.
But look if you cant control lust for the man you love then you might aswell just not love him because if i can control my lust then you can too. because true love is'nt the feeling you get in bed but the feeling you get from your lover (and the stranger), because their are true men that would do anything for the person they love to keep them happy!
**keep in mind** So if your bf only want to make you happy and you become unfaithful then what does that say to them when the only thing they want is to make you happy.
What will your loved one think? will it be "i loved her"? would it be "o well"? or... would it be that "i guess i couldnt make her happy... =C"
Look im not telling you to believe everything that i've posted or even read it but if you do then atlease remeber the last paragraph (the one with the keep in mind thingy.
Well GL
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): Im pretty much in the same boat as well. Im 18 and I've been with my boyfriend for close to two years. I jumped into a relationship with him right away after my ex who was horrrible to me. I really loved my ex though, and I still do. I cheated on him with my ex one night about a year ago because I had thought we were going to get back together. That didnt happen. My boyfriend still doesnt know I cheated but the next night he cheated on me also. with my friend. and they were having sex for a week or so. I even found out he told her he loved her. even when they were having sex. WTF? I've tried soo hard to forget all that happened but it still bothers me alot. I love my boyfriend very very much, but I think it may be more of a best friend love. we do EVERYTHING together, I'm always with him, very dependent on him, I dont know what I'd do without him. but we hardly ever have sex anymore..because I never want to. and I LOVE sex. I might even be an addict. The problem isnt that I dont want sex, its that I want sex with other people. One night when I told him I was sleeping I went and hung out with an old guy friend and he winded up kissing me and the next night I slept with him. I slept with him probably like 5-6 times. every weekend I would go out with my boyfriend, then go home and tell him im going to bed, then go back out and sleep with him. one weekend he didnt want to meet up so I met up with another guy friend...I had no intentions to do ANYTHING except just hang out. I winded up getting really drunk and I slept with him also. I have no control. and its get worse...this past weekend, I made contact with another old guy friend and winded up making out with him. nothing else though. but I want to sleep with him. I DONT KNOW WHY!! I feel soo bad because I know its wrong but my boyfriend doesnt treat me right and I cant get over him sleeping with my friend. Ive wanted to break up but I just cant do it. I also have nobody to talk to because I have no friends. He has NO idea any of this has been going on and the guys say they know not to say anything but people talk and it makes me nervous. I feel like a peice of shit and like I have no control. but at the same time having the best of both worlds has made me alot happier...but I know how easily it can all come crashing down. and I dont think I can handle it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): Girl Im in the same boat as you, but the worst part is that I am married! I have been seeing this other guy on the side for the past 3 months and at first we were just friends, but then I became emotionally attached to him. We always had fun together and eventually things started to get really intimate. I love my husband and he is really an awesome person, but I don't know how I ended up becoming so attached to this other guy. I have tried to stop things many times as well but then I miss him and go back to him. I have started to lessen my communication with him little by little and I try to remind my self why I am with my husband and why I fell in love with him in the first place. I have also have been asking myself why I feel the need to be with someone else. Since you are not married this is the time to figure out if you want to marry your boyfriend one day. If not, then move on and start fresh. If yes, then consider this whole mess a "detour" and be faithful. Change your phone number if needed and try to replace this other guy with something else. I am trying to do all of these things but it's so hard. It sucks. I get really sad at times but I know that it's the right thing to do. I also want to work on my marriage. Hang in there and I will too. Good luck to you and I!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): Hi, I recently been doing the same thing. and I found out that no. you can't just be friends with the guy. If you really love your boyfriend and you see a beautiful future with him you need to say goodbye to this guy. It'll only make the matters worse on yourself. Please take this advice into consideration. You can't have two guys for the rest of your life, which one will stay?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): My situation is less dire than everyone else's but I still feel that I need to contribute. I'm an irreconcilably passionately inlove with my boyfriend of a few months. I know it seems fast but it's real. I can't stop making out et cetera with other people while I am drunk. I just can't say no. The first time I called him the same night and sobbingly lamented what had happened. He gave me a second chance with the implication that if it were to ever happen again it would be the end of us. Last night I cheated again, with an exboyfriend so it's even worse because there's feelings there. The first time it was with a practical stranger.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): My problem is not over the top where sex is involved...but i still flirt with other guys and i love feeling wanted by other guys aside from my bf.
I have been with my bf for 4 years now, on and off. Most of the time i feel like i dont deserve such a perfect guy like him because of the things i do. One part of me wants to break up with him bcuz i feel like im not in love anymore, i have been with him so long that i wanna meet new ppl, and so i wont feel guilty...but then i dont wanna let him go bcuz my family is nuts about him, we have shared so much together and im scared sum other chick will find out how wonderful he is.
But anyways i like this other guy that is a year younger than me...my goodness he makes me feel so wanted when we tlk and when he walks me to my car at school. We txt alot n even engage in phone sex, n have so much in common. But everytime i do this, i feel like i kill a piece of my love for my bf and theres no way to put it back. Rumors started flying around and eventually they wud annonimously call my bf saying that i was cheating on him, or they wud mention me as a whore. My bf and i tlked about it and i confessed it was true. He is so amazing that he gave me another chance.
But i still kept flirting eventhough i was not supposed to. Its starting to turn into a bad habit and it is bittersweet bcuz im afraid of losing the person i grew up wit and hopeful so that he can break up with me so that i wont have to. I have no idea what is happening to me....
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): I was with my boyfriend for four years from the age of 16. I loved him so much but last year my friends all came back form uni and were all single and having a great time and I felt like I was missing out. My boyfriend was looking at houses for us and I just thought I'm going to look back when I'm fourty and think in my twenties I did nothing. I was in my final year of training to be a teacher and got scared and my boyfriend was looking fo a house for us and I eneded up going out and gettingg paralletic and slept with some stranger.I immediatly finished it with my boyfriend because i couldnt live with the guilt. I have gone completly off the rails I keep drinking and sleeping with people and I miss him so much. We went out for a date the other night and I can't bring myself to tell him what I did because it is completly eating me up and I want it to go back to how it was. I feel so depressed and alone, my friends have no symathy for me at all and rightly so I desevre everything I'm getting. I just dont want to get up in the mornings and have lost all resepct for my selF and I 'm failing my essays. I dont know what to dfo I really need someone to talk to
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Well 1 you should tell your boyfriend about it because if he finds out another way it will get worse.
2nd you guys cant be friends if he does that with you stoping him. Or try to stay away from him for a while
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): i went through the same thing i really love my boyfriendwe almost hacve 2 years together hes such an amazing guy,but i cheated on him with a guy that i met over the internet and then i met up with him and then we both got tempted and ended up having sex i felt so guilty but then it became a habit after, the best thing to do is to decide who you really want to be with and make a decision and try to avoid the other one
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): i dated this guy for 2and a half years.. the first year was awesome, but half way thru the second i started cheating on him. at first it was a mistake.. then it was casual.. and then literally EVERY oppurtunity i got.. mostly just kissing and stuff, one really drunk night i slept with someone. after one year of cheating continously i realised it was a mistake to be with this guy, even though i loved him lots. after we broke up i felt terrible, but i knew i couldn get back together with him because i wasn ever satisfied. but now, ive been dating this other guy for 10months or so and the only person ive cheated on him with is my first boyfriend. it happened once 3 months in, as your typical breakup sex that was pending.. then 6 months in when i was completely drunk. and again 2 weeks after that, when i was sober, and it was the BEST SEX EVER. but now i feel like im done, i don wanna cheat on my boyfriend anymore, cuz hes an absolutely amazing guy.. and i dont even feel that guilty because i had already slept with my old boyfriend before, so it didnt feel like cheating... its weird.. but i feel like im FINALLY over him now. but it still bugs me, and i know i could never have a long term r/l with my current bf, because right now its all fun and partying.. but i could never let it go further cuz i would never be able to tell him about all of this..
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reader, chel-c  +, writes (3 January 2010):
I feel so happy when i read things like this. I typed into google "I regret cheating on my boyfriend" just hoping to find somthing to give me peace of mind.I am in the same situation. My boyfriend and I had been going out for 3 years, I hadnt cheated on him ONCE until I saw the guy who i lost my virginity too, my boyfriend and I had been fighting alot ever since we moved in together and the drinking and everything got the the best of me and i ended up hooking up with him. when i got home i regretted it SO much, i would lay in bed and watch my boyfriend sleep and start to cry, wishing i could tell him what happend. but i just couldnt because it never seemed like the right time. i knew i had taken my boyfriend for granted, i knew i made the biggest mistake of my life and i knew i would never do anything like that again as soon as it was over. i also started acting wierd toward my bf after it had happend, as if i felt we were going to brake up, crying to him and what not, saying things like "were gonna stay together forever right? please dont ever brake up with me" but i knew it was just the guilt talking. my boyfriend found out from his friend because he was going out with one of my friends and he had read mine and her chatlogs of me telling her about it. It was seriously the worst day of my life when he found out,my whole life ended right there, i lost my boyfriend, my soulmate and my best friend, i also had to move back home and quit college, my entire life ended because of one stupid STUPID mistake. you really dont know what you have until its gone. ive never regretted anything as much as this in my life. its not worth it girls, think before you act, and dont be afriad to say noxoxox
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): Wow, the woman who said this (below) just plain dumb not to mention a slut. I hope all her boyfriends cheat on her. lol actually i bet her boyfriend is already."I have the same problem. I can't stop getting involved with other guys even though I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world. I think it's because guys really are dogs. They don't care how bad it hurts the woman, or her man, as long as they get what they want." are you serious just look at how many women are cheating in this forum lol. and dogs, yes some people are, not just men.done let your emothions speak for you lady it makes you look bad.and there are 2 people in every sexual encounter you are also to blame lady. how can you love some one truly if you cheat on them or like another also. my first trule love i realised that i had blinders on and a biased towards all other women thinking mine is the best untill she cheated on me lol. wow that was a wakeup call welcome to the real world. but i guess that i wasnt good attractive enough in a full way not just looks at the time and i guess thats what i deserved. but i wasent a "dog" at the time.
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reader, schickshandel +, writes (20 January 2009):
Okay, I am so glad that I found this because I was starting to feel really alone, and like a really horrible person. I really have NO idea whats wrong with me, but I have been in a relationship for 5 yrs with my boyfriend, and sometimes things are amazing...and sometimes i just feel like he doesnt pay ANY attention to me or make me feel wanted or desirable at all. I feel so dead inside sometimes.and idk why but I always then turn to a boy to get some attention...sometimes I cheat, but mostly I just talk and flirt until i know the guy finally really likes me, then its like im done with him. and when i do take it to the next level and sleep with the guy, i feel sooo guilty afterwords, and i start to like appreciate my boyfriend again, and let go of the little things...idk but its like a vicious cycle! it keeps happening! and i just want it to stop or atleast know why? someone helppp :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): tht same is is happen to me now.. its vry difficle but.. sometime the persone tht u love is responsible for tht bcoz they dnt care about u n ur feeling then u meet some1 who cares n loce u loadsssssssss.. then u become closed to that person
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reader, Ms. Independent +, writes (20 November 2008):
Hi to everyone, I just feel like I have to tell my story and let it out! I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years now and I feel like I am not "in love" with him anymore. I don't want to dump him because I feel bad for him, he is 21 but needs to grow up, he denpends on me a lot and he's lazy, (we live together). I have to tell him to go look for jobs when they don't call him from the agency, if not he will sit around in the house doing nothing.
I have a friend I met about 5 years ago, and I have a long story with him, we were like friend with privileges because we live in different states; I have not seen this friend since like 3 years ago but I am going to the state he lives in for a get away vacation and I am exited to see him, we always have had this fatal attraction going on so.. I have never cheated on anybody before and I know this is going to be the chance. I also have a co-worker who is interested in me, all of his pals tell me almost every how interested he is but he seems shy because he has not made a move yet and I am like... waiting lol. But I don't think I will feel that bad cheating on my boyfriend because I already want to leave him for so many reasons, I am like tired of him, he won't even please me in bed so I want to feel wanted!! I wish I could just break things off before I cheat but I am a softy so its hard for me to leave him because I know he still loves me... I don't know what to do...
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): i did the same to my boyfriend,, but i faced him and told the truth after 2 months,, he took me back and were really happy now. the thing is, now he is too possesive and does not trust me around other guys.. he thinks i cant resist. i deleted all contact with this guy that i cheated on my bf with, , i even left my education changed my number because the guy tht took me back deserves a lot so i try my best to make him as happy as possible.good luck,, if yu ever made the same mistake,, face him but after a period of time and during that time show the best side of you. its his choice after if he doesnt want to be with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): I just want to know what happened, its been like 2 yrs since you posted this? Are you still with your boyfriend?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): So I have had this boyfriend for about 5 months now an we are so happy an so in love, we are always talking about how we are goin to be together forever I would never cheat on him, or so I thought.
This is this guy Ill call him Joe (not his real name though) and well I was in love with Joe for about 6 years, nothing ever came out of it seeing how he is my brother's best friend an all.That is until yesterday. Lately my brother has been off in his own little world with his girlfriend an Joe an him havent been spending alot of time together they barly talk even, for some reason, me an joe have gotten very close we talk almost everyday an we see eachother a few times a week. well yesterday I picked him up to give him an one of his friends a ride somewhere it started snowing pretty hard, an I didnt want to drive in the snow, so Joe drove me home an ended up spending the night an it was only a few months ago I had gotten over joe, but he was over an we were watching movies an somehow we ended up kissing. only a few moments later my boyfriend called an we stoped, back off each other a bit, only 5 mins later it felt like i didnt have a boyfriend an we started flirting more, well we ending up haveing sex twice an now I cant even look my boyfriend in the eye u would never cheat on him and I dont know why I did, In some ways I think it was to find out if I was over my first love or not and now more then ever I really dont know, also I am not just afraid of my boyfriend finding out but of my brother because they got to hang out today an things are back to normal and if my brother finds out his best friend slept with his little sister then things arent goin to be good my brother is going to hate Joe an I honestly dont know what to do,
please help me out
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): This is kind of the situation i am in. I have been with my boyfriend for 15 months and do love him loads. Never have broken up or had a break before. But recently i found myself going out and flirting more and kind of wishing i was single. Me and my boyfriend were arguin and i decided to finish it just 4 days ago. I went out the following night and got absolutley paraletic and ended up at this guys place. ALthough i didnt sleep with him we did other stuff. When i woke up i started just crying cause i felt so assamed. It has made me realise that i love my boyfriend more than anything in the world. Before i met him i had a drink problem and would often wake up after doing something stupid and he has changed me. I dont want to go back to the way i used to be! I hated it. What should i do about what i have done he asked me the next day if i pulled and i said no. Now i want him back and have realised i dont want to have any other guy i want him!! Is there any harm done?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): I am in the exact same situation and I have no clue what to do. Ii think the guy I messing around with really likes me and he is a good guy. he broke up with his girlfriend and now I feel so guilty. My boyfriend has ne clue. But they are best friends. Boy am I in a situation. Someone help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): I had the same problem.
Mine is to a worse degree.. I haven't had a good stable man in my life till I met my boyfriend now, who I will call Bob. Weve been together for 2 years now, and I've cheated on him 4 times... And I REGRET it. Like I don't want to.. But EVERY SINGLE time, alcohol is involved and I can't control myself. I literally can't. like I HAVE to be the one all the guys wanna do.. its so WEIRD.
My ANSWER to you is, you need to stop seeing this person all together. If you want to stop then explain to this person that you just cant go on. If you truely love your boyfriend you will stop.... I really believe you can do it.. I cheated last night and I FEEL TERRIBLE. I made a promise to myself NOT to cheat ANYMORE. I'm done with it.. Its not worth losing the love of my life... Having said that, I believe you know what you should do, its just a matter of doing it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): i cheated on my boyfriend because he has not made me feel wanted for a long time now. I needed to feel wanted again and I know it's wrong but I just needed to feel alive again. We are working things out and I won't tell him. I feel guilt but I also feel love and more love for my boyfriend than ever before. It is almost a sort of therapy. He cheated on me once too and I have now forgiven him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): Yes, this is wrong. My friend is currently cheating on her boyfriend with my ex. Her boyfriend is unaware that this is happening, but he's wonderful. The thing is that if you keep doing this to your guy, you'll never really be free of this guilt and even if you don't feel guilty, it will come back to haunt you in time. Sorry to be harsh, but its true. It not only affects you and your boyfriend, but your friends, how do they cope, especailly if they are friends with both of you. They also have to chose their loyalties because they will be seen as bad guys if they remain friends with/or side with one or the other. Walk away. You don't need to be doing this if your guy is as wonderful as you say.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): Heya, I was in the same situation.
I fell for a co-worker. BUT YOU CAN ESCAPE.
Delete all possible contact with him, do romantic things for your boyfriend, suprise him. Friends with "the other guy" is not an option. I love my boyfriend, i want to marry him even.. I still have to figure out how to not have the occational fling with an ex or that "other guy"
Its something u have to work through and learn about yourself by yourself. I hate wat ive done but i understand in a way.
Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): i also have this problem ive only recently started seeing this new guy and i really like him but this time i thought i wouldnt cheat buh i just cant help myself
and i find it hard to say no beacuse the other guys ive been cheating with i really like them
and they all know ive got a new boy
so why cant they just stay away!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): I know how you feel because I am going same thing. I been with my boyfriend for seven years. It was on and off. I love him truely. I don't know if i can forgive myself for it. It is eating me up. It is out of my character too. I can't bring myself to tell him. I don't want to lose him. this probably will not help, but just telling you that you are not alone
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): i did have a boyfreind for 2 and a half years, then i became depressed over things that happend in my past, since then ive never been able to accept that to my boyfreind i was perfect.
i felt worthless and i wanted to be treated badly by people because i believe i deserve it, i told my boyfreind to hurt me during sex and treat me like a piece of shit but he wouldnt because he is not like that. So i went looking in other places. i found two people to use me, after the first time i too couldnt say no to the second one. i hated every single second of it, but it didnt stop me, so soon after i told my boyfreind he took me back after the first one but after the second time he dumped me i dont blame he doesnt deserve it.
you should tell your boyfreind too, its the decent thing to do, it might work out for you it might not, if it doesnt its gonna hurt for a very long time i attempted suicide once and im planning to do it again, i cant deal with it, this is never the person i wanted to be and it isnt what you wanted to be, my ex boyfreind was the one i know it, but hopefully you can move on and find your soul mate (unless he was) if you do never ever cheat on him!!!!! i mean it you'll regret it so much tht the guilt will eat you away till theres nothing left dont do what i did please dont....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): .Same Problem. I love more boyfriend more than anything. His family loves me and he has cheated on me in the past.. And since his mistakeS , I have been getting back at him constantly. I cant stop. I really just started with this guy I know. And I have no love for this guy. he is just a lay.. And I always regret doing it and feel like a whore when i go home or when I talk to him.. Im a super Jealous girlfriend and now im a hipocrit
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2006): Wow, That's horrible you would treat somebody you 'love' like that. I hope your boyfriend winds up with somebody better than you, and that you grow up and realise what you did is wrong.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005): I have the same problem. I can't stop getting involved with other guys even though I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world. I think it's because guys really are dogs. They don't care how bad it hurts the woman, or her man, as long as they get what they want.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (31 August 2005):
You have some real strong chemistry going with this other guy. Lucky you!!! It sounds like you are not ready for a steady relationship. Go to your boyfriend and tell him that you love him and don't want to hurt him. Finish with him as gently as you can. Then you are free to have sex with who ever you want. Be honest with yourself.
Delila
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reader, dr.question +, writes (31 August 2005):
I say it IS possible to just be friends. I'm guessing that you really do love your boyfriend, and you're just seeking alittle extra attention. I think if both parties can come to a mutual agreement about what the affair is truly about, and if you can live with the guilt, then go for it, and be careful.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2005): look if you really never cheated then why did you start now if you really loved your man then you would not have done it in the frist place.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2005): Sweetheart, ask yourself, do you really want to be friends with someone like that?
Clearly he has a hold on you.You didn't draw the linwe when he kissed you so he obviously thinks you're alright with it.I don't wish to confuse you further but i think,somewhere inside, you wnat it to happen too, that's why you're responding the way you do.Nobody wants to be the 'bad guy' that's why you cry, you feel so much guilt, you don't know how to deal with it and you know you are chceating on your other half because you don't want to be the cheater in the relationship.
He has a hold on you because you're vulnerable somewhere.Search within yourself.
What if you're friends? How could you still remain platonic if you're weak to him?
My advice, is to draw away from him.That might be hard but once you've accomplish that, you're clear to the next level.
You need to cut him off your life and think about acknowledge what happened.Spend more time with your other half,strengthen yourself and your relationship.Take time to reflect on this.Cut him off and take baby steps from there...Good Luck!
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (30 August 2005):
 No, you can't just be friends with this guy, it just won't happen. Obviously, the sexual chemistry between you and him is too strong.
Dump him, today. Do not visit him again, just let him know by text or phone call. If you really are serious about making a go of your relationship with your partner, then this other guy has to be permanently out of your life and the only way you can do this is to NEVER see him again.
Then, you have to work on your relationship. He may be the best guy in the world but there is something not quite right for you to be tempted to cheat on him and to actually do it.
Examine any problems or difficulties you have in your relationship together. Work out ways to spice things up if that is what is needed. Probe your own feelings about your partner; what do you really feel for him? Has the spark gone? Has the challenge of your relationship gone? How can you get the fun back into your relationship?
If you concentrate hard on what to do at home, you will be less likely to think of this other guy. I know it won't be easy but he is like a drug and a very bad one at that. (He knows you are in a permanent relationship but that doesn't stop him). You will have to go through cold turkey if you want your relationship to succeed.
End your affair today and talk to your partner to make things better between the two of you.
Good luck.
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