A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:well i have a big prob i don't know what to do. I have been dating this guy for nearly year and a half now, About 8 months in the relationship i found out he is married and had kids. I was so upset. I asked him about it which he denies at first and then we started talking about it. He said he is not happy in his marriage so he is staying just because of the kids. He also said he does not sleep with the wife, which i believed. Then afterwards i realise he couldnt be in the same house as the wife and not sleep together. Still i love him with all my heart, i do. I don't know what to do. Last month i found out he was doing internet dating, which he was doing before he met me, and started doing it again. He also had a GF before from this dating site. Well it's weird. the worst thing is i worked in his company, i tried many many times to leave him, i had to go back cause if we don't talk i can't work. So i have to go back, and i go there, obviously we would be together again. I know it's all wrong. But still i dnt know what to do. been trying to get a new job for the last few months, until i havnt found anything. My feelings for him is genuine. I confronted him about the dating thing and he denies all the times, after he said he gonna stop but he didnt. so to sum up he is married, kids, internet dating and yeah i mmessed up ,my life at 21. I really love him and i tried many many times to leave but i didnt get the courage to leave him. Its like there's something pulling me towards him. I need help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (31 December 2009):
 Well now you know you are not that important to him, and he's Tiger Woods without the golf game. Put all that energy into your job search, and hopefully you will find something good. Once you get away from him you will hopefully be able to put all this behind you.
Don't be a hostage to his lies. Keep your contact short and work related. Start cutting the cord now. That's a big present you can give yourself.
A
male
reader, D-pressed77 +, writes (31 December 2009):
I too am married with children and my wife and I are going through some difficult times. I can somehow relate to the guy you are currently having a relationship with. It seems to me that you need to back away from him until he gets his life in order. If he truly loves you and values the relationship he would've been honest with his wife about his feelings towards her prior to continuing the relationship with you. Basically, he's playing you. He's getting the best of both worlds.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (31 December 2009):
 You list a lot of reasons why you can't get away from him...but you also name the most important reasons why you MUST! Not only he's married and has kids...he has OTHER WOMEN! He deceived you, lied to you, and is not faithful to ANYONE! Ask yourself: Where will I be five years from now? Will I still be standing by this unfaithful, deceitful, womanizer? Or will have found my independence and made a healthy, happy life for myself? Be honest with yourself, is this the life you really want?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): thanks for your advice. I dnt fink i can walk away from him now, unless i find a job right now. It's quite hard to really leave your feelings for someone behind. i just want to be strong and not fight him at all until i find a new job and move on. i can't do that , everytime i see where he goes on internet, it eats me inside. and i fight him, and when we get back together, its like my love for him get stronger and i miss him when i am away from him. but he is not at all right for me. i know i deserve a lot better, only time will tell.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): honey u just need to leave he's commiting adultery. i think u should live with a friend instead and fill up ur day
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 December 2009):
Ask yourself this. Do you want to mean nothing to this guy, or something to the next? You know you need to get away from this guy, and the only way to do that is rebuild your life. You think you've messed it up. You haven't. This is now the time to look at your life and start over. Do something you've always wanted to do, start a new career. You'l find your Mr Right. Just don't be second best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): you have got to get away from all this while you're still young enough to recover. You need to take this as seriously as if he was beating you every night... he is, emotionally, and it's not quite the same, but it's going to have the exact same affect over the long haul. Get some one to assist you in your extraction from this mess.
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A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (31 December 2009):
It's great that you wrote in and bharat mehta's advice was superior -- you must indeed be suffering greatly since you learned the truth.
What worries me is his internet dating, which means that he is married but also fishing, and you must be getting squashed emotionally.
You mentioned that you are looking for a new job. I would say, concentrate on that. You may be unable to pull away from this messy situation because one can only fight so many battles at once, and thus you keep this man in your life because it's better than being alone, and he also must have some good points?
??????????? But anyway, I would just focus on job hunting and try to put him on the back burner. Why should you be the one getting burned? Try to re-ignite other aspects of your life, friendships, family etc. and regain your self esteem.You deserve better!
Then you will be able to re-evaluate this guy who, frankly, doesn't sound too good.
Best of luck and Happy New Year,
Love,
Manya
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (31 December 2009):
 He want nice and romantic occasion with any one, and not relationship you hope. If you can share such occasion of meeting and talking even then you will face lot of emotional hurt, clearly you are suffering.
Make it a habit, let your feeling and emotion be shaped by reason and logic, and not by occasional chance.
Love and sex feel good in creative relationship, and not in random occasion. Relationship is a type of mutual trust and dependence with nice agreement.
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