A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Would you be a) be flattered and not let it bother you, b) be disgusted c) feel violated d) be angry and could never forgive him e) be confused f) wonder if he secretly takes pictures of other women in public unbeknownst to them g) be on edge if other people stayed at your home wondering if he is taking pictures of them h) wonder if the pictures are on the internet and waiting to see if someone taps you on the shoulder to tell you that they found them floating in cyberspace i) wonder how long he has been doing this j) think there is deeper issues with your husband regarding his covert voyeur, fetish behavior i) would never trust him again k) seek help for your husband l) seek help for yourself m) pack your bags and leave your husband and forget about seeking help at all n)seek a lawyer to see if your privacy has been violated.Since the discover of the nude photos I have become numb inside. I'm scared to confront him with what I know for fear he will delete the ones he does have on his computer and then I will never know to what extent or how long he has been doing this or that he could copy them on a flash drive and hide the flash drive somewhere and I will never find it.We each have our own computers and passwords and value each others privacy (how ironic is that).I'm in a state of shock and yet my mind is trying to process all of this and I don't want to over react or have a knee jerk reaction to this, although I am finding it hard to keep my emotions in line and not go off on him.I've discovered that a lot of men do take secret nude photos of their wives and then post them on the internet too. I find the "sharing" on the internet revolting. Maybe some women are fine with that, but I am not one of those women.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 September 2015):
 Brown Wolf - I love your advice but in this case, what about consent?
Even if it IS just for the husband, don't you think he NEEDS her to AGREE to have her picture taking during sex?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2015): Hello. The OP here.Thank you all for taking the time to give me excellent advice.I was cleaning in the bedroom and the new clock he had ordered and placed by the lamp stand by the bed, had a memory card stuck in the back (not too bright when the memory card should be hidden inside a clock, but this clock did not have that featurea saving grace for me) to take pictures and when activated the clock took pictures under motion detection.So, it makes me wonder if there are other pinhole type cameras installed in the house that I am unaware of.I have downloaded his flash drives and there are pictures of women he took on our vacations in bikini's and close ups of them and it appears he took those type of vacation shots even when he had other girlfriends (way before I met him) which I am sure the ex-girlfriends were not aware that he was doing this while dating him, all the while he was postulating to his girlfriends that he would never give them reason to think he was thinking of other women and the girlfriends took the bait without digging deeper into what type of man he is. The term gullible comes to mind and some guys prey on that gullibility in a woman saying or doing whatever it takes to get them in bed.If he has done this to me, I am sure he has naked pictures of his ex-girlfriends too somewhere on his computer.I found one of a married female coworker he works with at his work place, fully clothed but "bending over" doing some work. There are several shots of her. How he pulled that off without her knowing is beyond me.I found nude close ups of me too off the regular camera. One with me in the shower, my eyes are closed, so I was not aware he did that. Somehow he managed to do this without my noticing. I could not get all the pictures recovered off the memory card because I have Windows 7 and the Windows 7 Viewfinder does not open all of them (a glitch in their software) so I am going to order a jpeg recovery software to snag to see if I can open up what I do have. It appears he took a picture of me sleeping in bed...just sleeping...on our recent vacation.So are these masturbation material...my guess...but my gut is telling me he is a voyeur and has a porn addiction that caused him to be this way.I need to clarify that we each have our own passwords and computers and we do not share that with each other. I would have to get a lawyer to have an order to have an IT person go through his computer. I don't want to tip him off, because that would give him the chance to hide or delete whatever he does have--I am sure there are other women in a similar situation, wanting to talk to their husband, fiancé, boyfriend but don't for fear they would delete or hide the pictures. It seems to be an epidemic when I looked at sites on the internet of men posting their wives or girlfriends nude.It is misogynist when these men post to the internet.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (29 September 2015):
Although it is easy to go down the Angry road and feel violated and offend by your husband's actions...let's take a step back.
If your husband is doing this for HIS OWN PERSONAL enjoyment, then I would say you should be proud. Your husband find you sexy enough to want to take pictures of both of you together. As you are aware in this world today, most marriages do not have the luxury of having one or both partners paying attention to each other.
I would be upset that I am not involved in his picture taking, and would like to do my part :)))
HOWEVER!!! If your husband is sharing the pictures on the internet for the world to see...that is no different than him cheating. It would be like asking all the men who have seen the picture into your bed room to have sex with you...that is unacceptable.
Now that you have this info...I would address it right away. Find out if it is on the net...NOW!
If it is just for his fun ONLY...then I say you keep being his pin up girl and make him work for your pictures :)) Got anything around the house you want done? :)))
Never make a decision in anger...it will most likely be the wrong one...and after, you don't know the full story yet.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 September 2015):
I'd pick all of the below:
b) be disgusted
c) feel violated
d) be angry and could never forgive him
h) wonder if the pictures are on the internet
i) wonder how long he has been doing this
j) think there is deeper issues with your husband regarding his covert voyeur, fetish behavior ( BUT I wouldn't give a crap about WHY he is doing it, I'd be angry that he NEVER asked for my consent)
i) would never trust him again
l) seek help for yourself
m) pack your bags and leave your husband
n)seek a lawyer to see if your privacy has been violated.
Let's not forget never have sex with him again.
And yes I'd look into a lawyer and a divorce. ASAP
Since you have his PW for his computer why not go through it and see what you can find? If you are not home without him being around send him on some errand. Check his history (for websites visited and uploads) and check his photo files. BUT don't so this without having talked to your lawyer.
If he took it with a cell phone it might get harder for you to find out and access. If he took them with a camera, I'd go through that as well as any memory cards he has. Again, TALK to your lawyer first.
JUST because he is your husband DOESN'T give him consent to take AND/OR share pictures of you with other people.
JUST because you had SEX with your husband doesn't give him consent to take AND/OR share pictures of you with other people.
And not to make this ALL your fault (it's not) My only question is this, HOW can you not have known he did this and confronted him the FIRST time he snapped a picture of you whole having sex? I'm sure it's not something I think I wouldn't notice.
I think this is a GROSS violation, of not only your marriage, but your person.
I would feel very adamant in getting to the bottom of this and no, there is no way in Hades I would forgive and forget - this goes beyond a fetish. And he has NO right to do this without ASKING your permission to take them, and your permission to USE them (online or otherwise).
And I would NOT care that "many men" do this. THAT is not an acceptable excuse. Some of these surely have consent, but those who don't? are VIOLATING these women they film/take pictures off.
I think in legal terms it's called : "Having reasonable expectation of privacy." Not sure in the US, but I would presume there is a similar legal term.
My first stop would be talk to a lawyer. You have to be careful with " m) pack your bags and leave your husband" - if you own joint property (a house etc) you can stand to lose that if you walk out.
I'd probably want to go over the house with a fine tooth-comb and see if there are any cameras in areas like bathroom, bedroom etc. But I don't think I could STAND to be around him, I'd feel paranoid in my own home. So yes, CONTACT a lawyer, maybe go visit a family member or friend?
And not let him know what's up till you have decided what next step is. You might even have to file a police report. BUT, let's not get ahead of ourselves - TALK to a lawyer ASAP.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (29 September 2015):
 I would find this intolerable if I were you. I would definitely want to have it out with him at the earliest opportunity.The fact that these pictures were taken covertly certainly violates your rights. And why were they taken, when he can enjoy the real thing in a normal intimate way? Trust certainly has been broken and will be difficult to mend. I would seek relationship advice from 'Relate' or the American equivalent. You need step by step support to guide you through this crisis.He may try to make little of it, but the fact that you weren't asked is rather sordid. What did he want the pictures for?
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (29 September 2015):
I would be very angry about this, because he shouldn’t have done it in secret. I don’t necessarily think that he will be posting them on the internet or that he would take pictures of some-one else, after all it’s you who is his wife and perhaps he took them for his own enjoyment. The point is, however, that it’s now not really in your control what happens to those pictures, so as a breach of your trust this is a big one. Confront him and tell him that to do something like this without your consent is disrespectful and unacceptable. Get him to explain why he did it, and if he’s done it for fair reasons, still tell him that it should never be done without consent. Insist that he shows you all the photographs and, if you want him to, insist that he deletes them from the machine before your eyes. Then I would impose a sex ban for a couple of weeks just to make your point and prove to him that you’re not going to be pushed around or soft on this issue.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (29 September 2015):
 I'd feel violated, furious, betrayed just to name a few. I would be so angry and like you mention, fearful of exactly where and what he is doing with them, that I would probably see what options I had, before confronting him, from a legal standpoint and how to go about getting past any computer security etc to see the full extent. Whatever issue you feel may be contributing to his behaviour is not excuse for such trickery. Being a wife does not permit,in my opinion, criminal act. Find out what you can and from there make your next move decision. Hopefully it is nothing more than for his eyes only.
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