A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I hate this. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months today, we are absolutley perfect for each other, apart from the fact that we live quite far away from each other and keep drifting apart due to us both being so busy and neither of us putting enough effort in.I do not want to break up with him, i feel very strongly about him because of the lack of communication lately we have been drifting apart, both of us have talked about it and we are both going to start trying alot harder to get back to how we were at the begining (inseperable)Thing is now things are going to be even worse, all my friends have gone to university, and i only have one group of friends left to hang out with. One of the guys in this group is in love with me, he has told me this. Because of how me and my boyfriend have been lately, ive grown feelings for the guy we shall call him fred.Fred understands that i have a boyfriend, and that i feel very strongly about my boyfriend. However when ever i am drunk around him, we always end up making out, or even worse having sex. I always get angry when this happens, and i make it very clear that i don't want it to happen, that it doesnt mean anything and when im sober i say to him no i have a boyfriend.I know the simple solution would be to just not get drunk when im near him, or just stay away from Fred, but its not as easy as that. He is part of my only group of friends left, i've tried to hang out with the others and not him, but he always seems to just turn up anyway.I can't tell my boyfriend anything, mainly because i dont know how to and also because i know that with us not being as strong right now, he will break up with me. I really just want to stay with my boyfriend and end all this with Fred, but my feelings for Fred are still there too.Please help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): Help yourself first and get rid of the alcohol.
Take this quiz, and be radically honest with yourself.
http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htm
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (2 November 2010):
 The way I look at it is this. If you get drunk and cheat that can be chalked up to a mistake, but when it happens multiple times it is no longer an accident. Because of this you should just tell him the truth. If you don't feel comfortable telling him the truth, then just break it off. Tell him that your feelings for him have changed and you don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore.
Either way, you're going to hurt him. I think telling him you cheated will hurt more than just breaking it off. Whatever you choose, you should definitely end this soon.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow do i tell him though? I think i do need to too, but i dont know how?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): I think that you shouldn't fool your boyfriend into this. How would it feel if he did this to you? break up with him, apparently you have no control over yourself when your drunk. Don't break him it's sad enough that you hadn't already told him. Maybe im being kinda harsh on this but i've been through the same thing and i was the one who was cheated on, it can really **** someone up. in my country we have a saying: you only know what you'd have, until you lost it.
Tell your boyfriend please, if you don't tell him now and wait for years to come with it it will only make him hurt more, he could have spend those years in a better way.
Be real, please
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 November 2010):
You've cheated on your BF of only 5 months. There is nothing to save. Either walk away or come clean so he can dump you. If you wanted to stay with your BF, you would not have cheated, even if you were drunk. He has the right to know about your affair. You can try to rationalize your reasons but you know deep down what your actions mean.
Quit being so damn selfish.
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