A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok..i feel embarassed to be asking advice online so its a good think u don't know who a I am lol.. anyways.. so i am 20 something and I'm straight in a healthy commited relationship. I have no complaints about our sex life.. but here i am fantasizing about having lesbian sex..i mean my boyfriend goes down on me and i totally enjoy it but i have urges to get it from a woman! Now we've discussed having threesomes before and we BOTH completly agree that it's not good for any commited relationship and he's not into same sex,sex. And I totally want to be faithfull but i can't stop thinking about it..I don't want to cheat on him or breakup with him..and i don't think its just a phase because i've been thinking about it for quite sometime!So i know i'm not gay and don't think i'm bi and and its not just being curious because i experimented back in highschool so already know what its like. what do i do? cheat on my boyfriend and lie? hes not going to accept me being with another woman and i know that for a fact since we've talked about it already! I'm not gonna leave him just to satisfy my urges! HELP!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2007): Regrets? So restraining myself from kicking The Ex Mum in Law in her elephant knees to watch her go down...that was a bad thing? Restraining myself from taking a baseball bat and beating her ovaries, I am denying myself and therefore...this will cause me great pain, for years to come?
So restraining myself from pimp slapping the Ex everytime he taunted me...this was foolish to do so?
Restraint...I thought it was a good thing.
Hmmph.
A
male
reader, W  +, writes (25 January 2007):
Well, you have three choices.
1. Do nothing: keep your relationship the way it is.
2. Break up with your "no girl on girl action for me" boyfriend and seek other relationships.
3. Stay with boyfriend and try stuff out without telling him.
I personally don't see any great harm in #3 although the standard "right" thing to do is to make a hard choice between #1 and #2. I guess if he finds out he'll be hurt and might break up with you, people will get to hear about it etc, and maybe you don't want all of that. (Also it needs to be mentioned that there is always a risk of passing on diseases, although perhaps girl-girl sex is lower risk, you lucky thing.)
It's been said (sorry I forget who by) that we always regret the things we didn't do more than the things we did. I think one way or another this is something you have to try.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (25 January 2007):
 I don't think anybody has really picked up on the point his woman enjoys sex with other women. It's something she's done in the past and still desires. As far as I know, that is bi sexual. She states she doesn't think she's bi. IF it's not bi, what is it then? I'd say there is a good chance she is. If she comes to the conclusion she is, she should be upfront with her man. It's already an issue for her and it could get more intensive. He deserves to know that his mate has these desires, mostly because she feels the need to act on them. That makes the future a little uncertain for him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): Your bf is a luck guy, you are very responsible in asking for help with this. as with all fatasies they are a fleeting dream that sparks our curriosity. Your man is ok with you having it up with another girl, but isnt realy for it. Your real decision is in the effects of going through with it. As with all lifes decisions, if after considering the cons the event is still so tempting, its on. but prepared to face the consiquences. I know where you are and being a straight but experienced male in your predicament can tell you you may go with it but the cons are bigger than they apear. after being with her you will have stopped the nagging urge but may have stopped anything good in your present relationship as well. hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): Malyce, may I? [wink]
Ms. 22-25 Anon, I suggest you DO cheat on your boyfriend. You might as well. I'm serious. The thing is, though as dishonorable as this may be, at least for some of us, you should try it. Lest it drives you sexually insane for the rest of your youth.
After you've cheated and had your fun, you can choose to tell your bf or not. This is something only you can decide for yourself. Of course, if I were a God, I would like to smack you upside the head and whisper good for nothings in your ear all night long as you sleep, but then again, that's me. [wink]
Though I have my usual sarcastic words, the words themselves aren't insincere. Dating is all about trial and error. If you cheat, it will be an error. If you bf forgives you, fantastic, you have a great forgiving boyfriend. If he doesn't forgive you, well, that's the trial.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): You are not going to leave to satisfy your urges. You answered it yourself. They are not worth giving up loving, caring, beautiful BF now are they?
BF told you his stance and belief on it and you either say okay Hun...and refrain from such thoughts that would weaken your resolve and then have you believing it is perfectly fine to cheat and lie on someone you supposedly love, care for, and respect.
Or you do in fact leave BF to satisfy your urges.
Plain and simple.
Don't sit there and try to work out how you can have the best of both worlds at the expense of hurting your BF.
Have some sense of decorum and honor.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): Yes, I agree with CD. If your boyfriend doesn't want it, you need to respect his wishes.
Keep it as a fantasy, and ONLY IF and WHEN you feel you absolutely MUST act on it, you will have to consider breaking up with him FIRST.
Anything else would be dishonorable and unfair to him, as well as knowing you would be cheating on him.....but as you say, you have no intention of misbehaving, so, keep it as a fantasy.......or try to give up the fantasy entirely.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (24 January 2007):
What makes you think you're not bi? You've been with a woman before and you'd like to again. You still like sex with men too. I'm not sure but that sounds like bi to me.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (24 January 2007):
 If you love your boyfriend respect his wishes and keep it as a fantasy. Try to think of it situations reversed. If he wanted to have sex with a man and you didn't like it you'd hate it if he cheated right? Always treat others as you would like to be treated. It's very important. You don't have to have sex with a woman to keep this fantasy open, just indulge in it when you're alone rather than in company.
CD
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