| A
male
age
36-40,
*fwolves78
writes: hey guys thanks for the help so far. you guys are amazing. in my current situation, i was with a girl for almost 2 years. if we werent hanging out, we were talking (24/7). however we were never "official" bf/gf. i was the one always saying were just friends and she would always get mad and sad and say were more than friends. we talked about making it official at one point but didnt. not only were we closer than most couples, a lot of people said we were closer than married couples. however this years christmas break brought many lies and her messing around with other guys. when i got mad and called her out on her lies, she decided we needed a "break". she said she ended it because we were getting too "serious" but she was the one that made it serious. i was simply getting mad at her lies.. she was the main aspect of my life and i was so happy.whenever i talk to her, it always turns into an emotional screaming fight because its hard to hold back my feelings. she cant stand to talk about it and freaks out when i call her out on stuff and ask her if she "likes" other people. she wont tell me anything and expects me to be here for her. its almost impossible for me to watch her do stuff with other people. she says its none of my business. when i ask her how she can randomly drop me after 2 years, she says shes learned not to dwell on stuff like this. she says she still has "feelings" for me. so i ask her what that means or where that goes and she says "she doesnt know". i ask her if shes messing around with other people or if she likes other guys and she says its none of my business and she wouldnt want to know if i was messing around with other people. how can one side of a perfect relationship all the sudden not care about anything? shes talking to another guy but says she doesnt "know" him.. how can she randomly drop me cold turkey, talk to other guys just a day later, and hate talking about it AFTER 2 YEARS.. how do i get over her but remain friends? i dont want anyone else. i honestly thought she was the "one"this probably makes no sense because im kind of venting but if u can help me i would appreciate it deeply. thanks in advance guys
View related questions:
christmas Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): Anyone know how to get over sumone we were living together and it was for 4 years, I need help I cant sleep eat or even go to work.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): Sounds like you didn't know what you had? From a female perspective she really liked you. She is either really moving on with her life OR she did this to get your attention. Us females revert to desperate moves when we have to. And before someone comes along and bashes me. SHE tried to tell him how she felt and HE said no we're just friends. So, either she really likes him and is doing whatever it takes to get his attention. (which is what I think she is doing personally) or, she is fed up and has moved on. I suggest you stop getting mad and tell her how you feel. And if you don't want more than a friendship then let her go.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): If she can not tell you by what she means by "feelings", drop all contact with her. I know that sounds harsh, and cruel, but you will be better for it later. I understand what you are going through. I am coming off a long term relationship that went bad suddenly also. If she wants to talk to you, let her make the move, not you. Remember, she could not be honest with you, or come to you and ask questions about your relationship. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): When someone has experience trauma, abuse, neglect, abandonment as a child; they can easily recognize and identify/empathize with another who may have experienced some or all of the same abuses. So there is an instant...awareness and with this is a declaration of love at first sight.
That there is screaming and emotional upheaval.
She sounds like she has narcissistic traits as they cannot stand to be challenged.
Also threatening to end a relationship is emotional blackmail which is abuse.
That she hasn't come out and told you she does not love and does not want a relationship leaves you open and vunerable and has her believing you are not her equal and therefore, in her mind, you are given her license for her to contiue to abuse you.
You are not in an emotional strong place to remain friends with her. To get to that point, you have to break all contact and communication. Heal and recover.
When you and if you decide to let her back into your life, you need to remain strong and respect yourself, stand up to her, keep calling her on her abuse and behaviours, let her know when she is out of line, let her know you will not take it or listen to her rage and rant and then walk away, if she calls to scream, tell her you are not going to listen to her be abusive and hang up on her and don't pick up any other calls, it is tough love with such individuals as you need to maintain your respect levels for them to appreciate you and accept you for someone who doesn't take crap.
Either way...it has to end.
Don't let her manipulate her into telling you, you are letting her down and abandoning you as she has already done this to you as a form of punishment and lack of respect.
Love and respect yourself. Get strong. Get smart.
Best Wishes.
Also, please seek counselling to address why you would want to have an abusive partner.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (23 January 2007):
 Hi. I know what you're going through… it's not easy. The fact that you did not commit during the 2 years probably had something to do with her interest level dropping to below a certain % where she became strong enough to let herself become "attracted" to another guy. The same thing happened to me but I kept her waiting even longer than you! I only realised that I loved her once she had broken up with me. I did not want to accept the fact that the relationship was over and remained in touch. She said she still loved me but was no longer "in love" with me. I continued seeing her on and off for about 4 months as "just friends" and we still had sex! But it did not feel the same as before and I just landed up living in hope and hurting more. So my advice is, if you can muster up the courage, forget her for a while. Don't contact her until you feel that you no longer desire her. I know it's easy to say but you have to try or else you'll just go around in circles! During this break period take the time to think what you want out of a relationship and maybe next time you're lucky enough to meet a woman who loves you and you love her you'll commit for the long term. When you feel better (stronger) maybe you can call her and become friends. Courage & take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, NenaUnique  +, writes (23 January 2007):
 ok so as i waz reading it seems like your the girl and shes the guy in this situation. usallaly its the girl who thinks she found the "one" and the guy leaves are with no "good" reason. maybe this is karma or something. i think you should let her breath for alittle while.
you know how you listen to a new song over and over again and then its old and you dont want to hear it any more? well thats sort of how i can explain the relationship..everyday somehow you two were connected..either by phone,computer,face to face,ect. and oviously SHE got tired of it. and seems to want a new face or maybe she feels like (no offence) but your getting corny or old. and she just wants something new for abit. i think you do a little something something to your hair and get new clothes you kno look good..and dont think bout her to much..talk to other girls just like she talkin to other boys..
if you need any advice private message me
*Val*
...............................
|
