A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I REALLY need advice!! My boyfriend and I finished in June and I was very upset. However for about a month afterwards we were still talking every day, meeting up and generally trying to fix things. He believed that the break up was down to me not loving him as much as he loved me, so therefore he felt as though I needed to 'prove' to him how much O loved him, He is very insecure yet covers it up with extreme arrogance.After a month of not knowing where I stood and basically feeling like he was messing with me, I told him I did not want to try anymore because it wasn't fair. He got really upset and we did not talk for several weeks. In those weeks he lost his mobile on a night out and so had a new number. I was relieved in a way when I heard this because it meant that I wouldn't be tempted to text him or anything.So last week I received a text from a number that I dodn't know that said ''this is my new number by the way baby''. I did not reply and I received several more messages that night from him telling me that he still loved me. I replied the next day just saying hello. Then that night he was texting me again asking if I wanted to talk about things and saying that he missed me etc. I did not reply to these messages and just sent short brief replies talking about other things.He text again the following day, and the day after that and on a night out he begged me to talk to him so I did. I did not get into any serious conversation with him though and later in the night he was talking to my friends and telling them that he really loved me and stuff. The next morning he was texting yet again telling me that I had looked nice the night beforea and that I was really important to him. The next day he text me once again but like all the other times I did not get into anything serious. Then he stopped texting!! That was three days ago so I'm a bit confused now.You see, the thing is, I love this guy very very much, and I am heartboken without him. I have been trying my hardest not to appear this way though because I don't want to appear desperate and clingy. I do not know what is going through his head though. I'd really love some thoughts on it..especially from some guys! Thanks:)xxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): You both seem to be well matched at manipulating each other.You have been playing hard to get.Its not a "new thing".Maybe you over did it.Maybe its his turn to play it on you now.You will eventually get bored with these drama's.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): If you like him let him know but before you do sit down and think what you really want from him and ask yourself can he do that, can he be more secure can he be confident, will he remain in love with you or are you guys gonna be in the same place again.
Id be inclined to meet him in a neutral venue tell him what you are looking for and ask him to consider seriously whether or not he is up for that , if he is then ye can and should try again, if not then maybe its time you moved on seperately.
Its easy to say your scared of rejection but if you never try then youll never know.
Gopod luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much. I appreciate your advice so much. To the male reader who replied, it was actually my friends that he was talking to, and when he was talking to them he was saying that I seemed fine and that I obviously didn't miss him and stuff. Which couldn't be further from the truth!
I'm just afraid to be honest with him now because I'm terrified of him rejecting me. I'm scared he only got in contact with me out of boredom or something. Does this seem likely??
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Well I can tell you that if he told his friends he still loves you he does. Us guys arent usually open with our feelings around our friends unless we are drunk or emotional.I am the same way insecure but cover it with arogance. He didnt get into any serious conversation because he is insecure. You need to tell him how you feel but dont seem to needy. They say if you love someone let them go. He came back, and when he lost his phone it shows that the both of you could have never spoke again but he sent you his number to make sure that you could if you wanted to. If I were you I would meet him tell him how you feel face to face. All he needs is a little reassurance.
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female
reader, lily13524  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 even though you said from guys,i was a bit curious to help so here i am.at first he seems like he was bugging you to come back to him.and i think now he is seeing the signs that you dont really want to talk to him,so simple he is just giving you space.actually im going through the same thing as you,im ignoring my bf calls and stuff.But i think its time for me to face the music and say how i really feel and i think you should do the same.one way or another i think you have to come out with the truth,it doesnt worth hiding all the time!
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A
female
reader, purple_butterfly  +, writes (18 August 2009):
I agree with jessjess :)
when the only problem you people have is you not being able to show him how much youlove hm and him being insecure, you can work around and so can he.
I think u both should give it a shot because you both love another and some day you might regret that you shudnt have broken up and that you should have worked a lil more in your relationship.
god bless.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Did he describe how you were not loving him enough? Also, I can't tell from what you've written, what character he is. He may have valid reasons or he could be neurotic
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A
female
reader, jessjess  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 You should be with your guy. He's just insecure and needs reassurance. I often freak out that I love my boyfriend more than he loves me, but it's only because I'm terrified of losing him, I know he loves me really. If you love your boy as much as you say you do, you need to let him know. If you really love him, you'll want to be with him, so stop being cold and call him and tell him. Life is too short. Why waste time being apart, when you could be spending it together? If you both miss each other, quit all this and just accept the fact that you want him back in your life because it is clearly obvious that you do. Call him now. I bet your phone is right by your side anyway because you're hoping he texts you soon. Correct? ;) Good luck, and if you get back together, just make sure he knows that you appreciate him and want him in your life. That's all you've got to do. Think up little ways to let him know you care. xx
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