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male
,
anonymous
writes: I really fancy this girl (with one leg shorter than the other), who I keep seeing at the railway station on the way into the city, or out and about. I don't even know her name, but we seem we to be on smiling knodding terms.The first time I saw her it was love (or lust at first sight), she was leaning against a lamp-post on the railway platform, I thought she looked really cute. And, pretty fit as well, looking at her thigh and buttocks from the direction I was walking towards her I thought she must be a skater, played football, dance or gymnastics. I stood for a moment, pretending to read my paper, but to be quite honest I was oggling her. The train pulled in, I followed her onto the train, and then it struck me that she was disabled with one leg clearly shorter than the other. She sat down and you wouldn't know her from anyone else, accept she was the best looking woman I had seen in my area for a while. I don't want to objectify her, but they say the first part of attraction is generally physical.Anyway, I don't always see her, some times she's with friends (all of them women, all able bodied) who all seem supportive of her but treat her as one of the gang). As time goes buy,I wonder how she would react to being asked out. It may not seem much of an issue, but there is between 10 and 15 years between us (me being the older)(she's 20ish, I'm 35). I hesitate because:I think she will assume I'm too old for her.Her friends will be over protective, and suggest the age difference is too great. Am I worrying too much?Am I being disablist thinking she couldn't make up her own mind?Is it likely her friends would think like that? And, am I being disablist again, by even assuming this?I don't want to objectify women or be disablist, I've always thought of myself as a caring kind of person, and always assumed "dates" were equals, which she is/would be. What should I do, and am I being shitty in even hesitating, or just over sensitive?
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female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (11 January 2006):
OK youve already got to first base by being on smiley nodding terms. Now progress from that and sit next to her and start up some trivial chatting. By the end of the first weekyou can lob in an invitation to the movies/a coffee or whatever. I sense she will say yes. Oh! by the way,forget the disabilities. The moment you get to know her better youwont even notice.
Go for it as i sense she is wondering what is holding you back from asking her out and probably feels its because of her disability.
A
male
reader, Neo +, writes (10 January 2006):
First if your sure you really like her then you should just casually go up to her and talk to her because if you don't you'll never know if something could have happened between you two.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (10 January 2006):
 I think you are over compensating. Yes she can make her own mind up, disabled people are often more independant minded than allot of able-bodied people. Her friends, like any friends, might be protective and the gap in age looks big on paper but in reality could be small.
I would suggest you make the first move a tentative one. Just make chit-chat and see how it goes from there.
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