A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can someone please give me some advice?!!! For the last 6 weeks I have been on 5 dates with a guy from work I really like. The first few weeks were great and he made me feel fantastic! He brought chocolate to my office for me, we went on romantic dates and moonlight walks, he would send me romantic song lyrics and we got in really well.... Then he worked a week of nights and I didn't c him for a few weeks. The last date before not seeing him he came to my house but we ended up arguing because he wouldn't stay in my bed with me (I didn't want sex) he said it was because he didn't want to spoil things. Over the next week I mentioned a few times that I never saw him. He continued to text me every day all day, and eve and he kept a present for me then when he fin nights he brought it into my office ( packet of love hearts) we went in our 5th date this weds. I told him I was jealous of a girl at work who's been flirting with him and he got annoyed and suggested we just stay friends and he wished we'd started as friends. He said he thought I was gorgeous, funny and interesting but didn't like my needy personality:-( I told him he'd made me feel like a mug. The date ended with us having a laugh and still getting on but I've hardly heard from him since. My friends are all telling me to do different things but I'm not sure what to do now?!!!... I really hope I haven't ruined things!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 June 2014):
 Relax, get a grip and stop reading things that aren't there.
You need to divert your mind to something else, he knows your interested and your now just feeding his ego.
Stop texting, let HIM come to you.
I know its hard but you can't get obsessed because he will run for good if you do. At the moment he is merely being polite, your a colleague after all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2014): Thanks for your comments everyone..... A quick update.....we've been texting..... Not all the time, once or twice a day. I know I shouldn't analysis things but he still puts 2 kisses at the end. Occasionally he puts 1 but I don't let it phase me or say anything about it. He still seems quite standoffish and only asks me questions like "are u working tomos?" Doesn't ask me what I'm doing on my days off. He likes banter and is generally a funny guy and I'm trying to get back to having a laugh with him but he's being quite boring. I think that, after our last disagreement he is worried about upsetting me by joking around. Been reading back through all his texts and he was fine up until we had our disagreement last week!! Surely he wouldn't give it all up after that?!! He's off work all next week and want to ask him to meet up but scared to ask him worried he'll say no now:-((
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (2 June 2014):
 Look, to be honest, I think this guy is being a little too judgmental now and I dont think you should keep thinking about what he likes or about pleasing him when he's not really being too nice about it.
"He said he thought I was gorgeous, funny and interesting but didn't like my needy personality."
Next, he tells you that "he didn't know if at this stage he didn't like me enough or I liked him too much"
Then he goes on to tell you that "if we stay friends then anything could happen.."
And then "We could end up dating, married, but he can't give answers!!"
Seriously, who does this guy think he is? He's behaving like he's a Greek God who's calling all the shots, telling you what he thinks without giving a damn about your feelings, basically just telling you in as many words that as of now you're not good enough for him but we'll see where it goes if you change yourself. And you're taking all this, sitting quietly at home and wondering what he's doing and why he isn't calling you.
No OP, don't do this to yourself. Yes, you were a little needy early on but that is no crime. You've given him way too much power over you and its like you are just waiting for him to come and accept you and make you feel good about yourself. Work on your insecurities because frankly, you seem like a very insecure person who has extremely low self-esteem. If any guy dared to say all that to me, I would tell him that its his loss, walk away then and there and there is no way I would even look at him again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 June 2014):
 I think he has sensed that you are ready for a relationship, so "settling" for a friendship with him isn't realistic. Because you might (not saying that you are, but you might) be friends in hopes that he will change his mind down the road.
I'd stop the texting all together. GIVE him a chance to reach out to you OR to choose NOT to do so.
Maybe your priority should be not looking for how you can get him back, but work on the insecurities. Otherwise it will be the same scenario different guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2014): Thanks for your answers. I have backed off over the last few days. Sent him one or two texts a day. I know he was being a gentleman and he is a nice guy and I do have insecurities. He probably put up with that once but twice was too much. He also said that he didn't know if at this stage he didn't like me enough or I liked him too much, which I kind of understand him saying with me being needy. He said that if we stay friends then anything could happen.. We could end up dating, married, but he can't give answers!!
I think now though that if he wants to be my friend and there's any chance if us going anywhere then why isn't he making any effort?!!!
He also went out last night with his mates so I'm wondering if he has net someone else!:-((
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 June 2014):
I think, unfortunately that you shot yourself in the foot .. twice.
Once you wanted him on your bed, but no sex on the 4th date. Well that is a bit of a tease and not really a smart thing to ask. He did the right thing in being a GENTLEMAN and get out of bed. He didn't WANT to move fast because he probably WANTED to get to know you. Which is smart.
The second time you mentioned the flirty girl from the office, now I assume you wanted him to assure you that he wasn't interested, but you came off as needy and insecure. Both are turn off for most people.
I agree with Auntie Oldbag, back off. Give him some space and maybe he will see that you aren't needy and clingy, but don't hold your breath. Give yourself a time limit on how long you want to "wait" and when you hit that (maybe 1-2 months) you accept that he isn't interested.
My last bit of advice is, if it doesn't work with this guy, DATE out side of work. And work on the needy/clingy thing.
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A
male
reader, wise-guy +, writes (1 June 2014):
I agree with oldbag, you need to take a step back and see what happens.Clearly he was very interested in and seems like a lovely gent. I think you unintentionally moved fast because you wanted to kinda make sure he was yours - been guilty of this myself and I'm in a similar situation of moving too fast when looking back things where moving along nicely!! It's just that annoying thing about liking someone, you naturally seem to want to seal the deal and be official. I don't think it's the end of the line for you. Seems like he liked you very much. I think you should give him some space - take time to think of your next actions because it's important not to scare him off!! I'm currently slowly getting back on talking terms with the girl I stupidly tried to rush! When you know what you want to do I would maybe text him a casual message asking how things are etc. Don't be needy, just friendly. If he replies then keep up the chats on a casual level and slowly rebuild things. Another thing, try not to swamp him with texts, calls etc - as hard as it is to want to talk all the time ha! Be cool.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (1 June 2014):
He was romancing you,taking it slow,treating you like a lady (loverly lad) and you were pushing for the next level.
You asking him to stop over was the first mistake.Sex or not. Second was mentioning the other girl.
I don't know if you can recoup this relationship as his in his eyes, you are all the good things he said BUT you moved at different paces.
Give him time and space, he may come round, but set a time limit in your head.
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