A
female
age
30-35,
*rueLoveWaits2016
writes:My bf and I are in a long distance relationship, we met online about 5 months ago. I visited him twice and he is coming down to see me very soon. Before I met up w/him, we texted and vid chatted. When we are physically together, the feelings are amazing. Outside of that I feel distant from him. He has always sucked at texting and communication. One day after forgetting to call me, I told him how texting 1 or 2 times a day is not a relationship and if he continued that way I would lose interest. He has been texting me a lot more, but after a week, it has slowed down. He will text me 1st, but no good morning/night texts unless I do it 1st. He tells me he feels lucky to have me, that he loves me etc. I care about him and he does tell me he misses me, but his actions speak a bit louder, he told me he was slacking due to laziness. I just don't want a repeat of my last relationship, where I was pretty much chasing my ex w/out ever being able to catch him. I told him once, I am not going to continue repeating myself. Am I demanding too much from him? Is there a way I can feel more confident about the relationship w/out freaking out about his communication skills?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 December 2016):
 The thing is he is no good at keeping in contact long distance, so this rules out a long distant relationship. You both need to work out what the next step is. Are you moving close together? Have you set a date? Is this long term or short term?
It does seem you are making all the effort, he needs to meet you half way off course. If it is long distance take turn about visiting. But I really do feel this is not going to work unless you are able to spend time together as a couple.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (18 December 2016):
 I've been in a successful LDR for nearly 2 years and we meet up roughly every 3 weeks (for a couple of days). My boyfriend is a busy guy with uni, essays, a job, etc. It's a lot of effort for him to text frequently, sometimes - especially if there are other priorities and he's stressed out. Not only that, but he's the same with everyone - I mean, he forgets to reply to his friends for days because it's just who he is; he's not someone who texts/calls a lot and is much more involved in person. Your date may be the same.I felt unimportant when the "novelty" of us being together wore off and he went back to uni, texting me less often, so we talked about it. I told him I completely understand that he's super busy and I don't want to add more pressure on to him, but I'd like a few more texts, when he can. It's improved a fair bit, but it's not as much as I would like - purely because I miss him - but I know he needs space to live his own life and he does love me.It may surprise you that there are still many people who don't text much, but it's true and your date sounds like that. Either talk and find a compromise or cut it off. Personally, I felt more secure in my relationship after time had past, as his texting improved a little, but he was still *with* me and that was more important than the texting.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 December 2016):
 Maybe he is somebody who just isn't in the habit of texting or phoning a lot .... have you discussed with him how much contact there should be between the two of you? Its also possible he gets caught up at work, or when he is with family or friends and he just doesn't realise how fast time has gone.
How often do you want him to text you each day, how many phone calls does he need to make, and do you also initiate contact by these means. What about skype, maybe if he is having problems getting into the groove of frequest texting he might do better with a weekly skyping session.
If the lack of texts is his only fault you may need to negotiate a level of communication by text that suits both your needs.
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