A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Help! I'm going through a divorce and yet still great friends with my hubby, and really don't want the divorce ...I would love to stay married to him, after all we have shared 25 yrs of marriage and 3 great kids. I'm seeing this guy and love him, but not sure if I'm being fair to him or myself. Please someone give me some feed back on this, i need someone elses opinion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thank you all for the responds and as for being affraid of the unknown i have been living on my own since feb of 2008 and its not so bad but , I miss him being here which is probably normal. I have told him I wanted to work things out but I think because he cheated on me that it would never really work no matter how hard we tried .. And as for the other guy me and my hubby has been seperated since april of 2007 even before he moved out we didnt share rooms .so now its just me and my little girl . This other guy is a awesome guy and he worships me and my feelings for him are very strong so maybe the person that told me it is a thing about being a security fear is kinda right and I just dont want to be hurt again..Maybe I will just slow down and take a breath and take things one day at a time and see where they lead me .... Maybe I will finds things are better just the way they are .......
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 Go and tell him that and see what he has got to say about it.
If you feel that way , good. I hope he will also feel the same too.
It could all be a misunderstanding or a lack of communications.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): I wonder if there is a possibility some of your feelings at the moment could be a little more about fear of the unknown and the flipside of the sense of security you still perhaps feel about your marriage.
It would be understandable that at this time and through this process you may have some doubts. I think one thing to consider is whether you are totally ready for any committed relationship at the moment. If you have someone else in your life now, but are still feeling uncertain about leaving your past, then this could potentially confuse you to a point of perhaps even making poor decisions and choices. I would consider taking time out, perhaps with a counsellor to explore why you are now considering wanting to stop the divorce.
You also need to understand that there are two other people, whos lives and affections are also involved in your decision or perhaps your acknowledged uncertainty about what and who to be with. So it would be wise for you to take this into one of your most major considerations, and do this with honesty.
I suppose if you are at this time uncertain, enough to question things at the moment here, then it is an indication that you need to slow down and work out what you want in your life and future. I just think it is unfair to play with others lives because we do not want to make tough decisions. Frequently that approach has a tendency to obtain disastorous results.
Maybe take time for just yourself, no serious relationships and get either closure or reconcilliation with your marriage. Keeping in mind all of the reasons you and your husband are in the situation you are today. It would be natural to reflect now, but the relationship had problems which I would assume you tried to resolve and this needs to be remembered also at this time.
There is always perhaps a fear of what lies ahead, grab hold of what we know to be solid. Just be honest with your husbands life, and yours.
All the best with your decision.
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A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 You don't want a divorce and yet you love another?? hmmmmm
Ok I think that your marriage is over, maybe you are just feeling guilty, nervous or frightened somewhere in the back of your mind? 25 years is a long long time to be married and its natrual that you will feel a strong bond with your ex hubby. if you really wanted it to work with him then you wouldn't be seeing someone else.
try taking some time on your own and figuring out who you are ( I know that sounds tripe) but after 25 years i think a few months would be approprate to say the least. Re assess your situation after that. Once you work out that there is nothing to be scared of and who you are and what you want without having men in your life for a little while everything else will fall into place.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 Well, I think the old fashioned style will work in this problem.
If you don't want the divorce, why are you getting one? On the other hand, if your husband wants it, how can you prevent it from happening?
If you don't want the divorce because you'd rather stay with your husband, don't you think you should break up with the other guy? The question here is not whether you will be divorced or not. The question is that you're not that interested in the new guy. If you were, you wouldn't be having second thoughts about your divorce. So I think he would deserve his freedom, whether you are divorced or not.
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