A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there,Basically I am really confused and do not know what to do. I'll give you the basics. Im an 18 year old girl, and i have been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years. I love him to bits, he is the kindest and most sweetest person i have ever met.However, recently one of my sisters have been in a singing competition, where there are 3 judges, 2 boys and a girl. After having a conversation with my sister, i found out that the girl is gay and since then I literally havent stopped thinking about her. I have always been a little bit attracted to girls and I think she is beautiful.. The only thing is, she doesnt even know me. Every weekend for the past 5 weeks i have seen her, and i have only just spoke to her this weekend which was for about 30 seconds if that. To be honest I dont think she seems that interested, but its so hard when she is literally all im thinking about. I want to find a way to talk to her without seeming wierd, like i was thinking of following her n twitter or something, but then she might be like how do you know i have twitter. The next time she will be at this competition is in a couple of weeks, should i just wait until then.. and if so should i talk to her.. i have no idea how to talk to her i dont know what to say as she doesnt know me.. basically i just need help. She sings and ive watched her on the internet so i could say something about that maybe. She is 24 by the way and i know she is single.. Im also not sure if its because she is gay that im more attracted to her because i know i might have a chance.. i really dont know.. Thank you in advance
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male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (9 May 2013):
Agreed with what has been said except
"if she is gay she isnt going to be interested in a girl that likes men".
Why would she have a problem with someone who is bisexual?
I wouldn't mind a gf who happens to be bi.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 May 2013):
 This advice is spot on:
"You have a boyfriend. It is normal to be attracted to other people, regardless of their gender, but you should not pursue it unless you break up with your BF."
What you are asking for advice on is basically how to start having an emotional affair with another person (gender is irrelevant), with the hope that one day it might turn into a full blown affair. That is just not cool!
Whether you want to cheat with a boy or a girl doesnt matter, cheating is cheating and it is not ok. If you love your boyfriend then you should respect him enough to not pursue someone you are attracted to, how would you feel if you found out he was planning on approaching someone he fancied in the hope that it could go further? I bet you would be gutted, after all relationships are built on trust and if you found out he was talking to someone else behind your back the trust would be destroyed.
It is fine to think someone is attractive, we have to be realistic and expect that even if you are in a relationship you are bound to meet people in life who you think are attractive. However it is not fine to act on that attraction - you need to go 'ok she is really beautiful, but I love my boyfriend so I'll just admire her from afar'.
If however you want to pursue her more than you want to be in the relationship with your boyfriend, then you have to break up first before you can even think about talking to her. She is not going to be interested in you when you have a boyfriend, if she is gay she isnt going to be interested in a girl that likes men! So currently you have 100% NO chance with her AT ALL, you have a boyfriend therefore she wont be remotely interested in you.
So you have to pick - if you want to start talking to her then end it with your boyfriend. If you want to stay with your boyfriend then dont try and talk to her, admire her from afar and leave it at that.
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A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (9 May 2013):
If your crush was male, would you want to get to know him like you do this girl? Would your boyfriend approve? Whether your crush is male or female, is irrelevant however you're fixated with someone else. That's not good. Some people are curious about their sexuality e.g have feelings for the same sex and don't know what to do or want to explore it. If you're single, then you can...freely. But if you're with someone, it's wrong. Why? Because it's cheating. How would your boyfriend feel if he found out? And he will if you try to get to know this girl. Is it worth hurting him? Depending on how serious your relationship is with him, it'd be worth telling him about your feelings for other girls. But his reaction may not be good. Tread carefully and don't hurt anyone, especially yourself in the process. Being curious about your sexuality does happen, but how you handle it is very important.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2013): The advice I'm going to give you is no different from what I would tell a girl who had a "crush" on a boy:
You have a boyfriend. It is normal to be attracted to other people, regardless of their gender, but you should not pursue it unless you break up with your BF. (And even then, you should wait a while).
How would you feel if your BF only thought about another girl for 5 weeks?
Please evaluate your current relationship before you look for a new one.
Of course, if you think you prefer girls to guys...that would be a valid reason to break up.
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