A
female
age
36-40,
*emerson@85
writes:im with my bf 9 months now and when i got with him things werent so good as i just split up from an x things got really good and i changed everything for him how i dressed my friends and feel like a totally new person. he has accused me of looking at other men and the truth is i never did or even bother too look at any1 i actually love him so much i couldnt imagine hurting him in any way. i do everything for him cook clean and pay for alot of things thinking it will make him happy, last nite ihe came home and as i was cooking dinner for him even doe i was really tired after cleaning the house and working too i realized he was watching porn i told him many times i hate this as it makes me feel degraded insulted and useless , how can he do this when he has me ? i asked him to stop and he says he likes it and has seen nearly all off the movies on the sight im so sad today and cant stop crying if he loved me so much why cant he stop we plan a life together will it get worse i dont know wat to do im a girl of high standards and im very beautiful and beautiful body why does he need this please help im so confused if he loves me or not
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (16 October 2010):
 I agree it's someone who's completely hypocritical who would angrily accuse you of just looking at other clothed men in a fit of paranoia, and then constantly surf porn. You should leave pictures of hot men with 6 packs and big biceps around and then when he inevitably blows up, tell him that's how you feel when he looks at porn.
This guy sounds like a real piece of work. You buy him things, you cook for him, you clean for him, and what do you get in return? Him being clingy and paranoid about you with other men, while he's wanking to porn and refusing to do his share. I'd leave him and find someone who's a little less of a baby.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (16 October 2010):
I agree it's someone who's completely hypocritical who would angrily accuse you of just looking at other clothed men in a fit of paranoia, and then constantly surf porn. You should leave pictures of hot men with 6 packs and big biceps around and then when he inevitably blows up, tell him that's how you feel when he looks at porn.
This guy sounds like a real piece of work. You buy him things, you cook for him, you clean for him, and what do you get in return? Him being clingy and paranoid about you with other men, while he's wanking to porn and refusing to do his share. I'd leave him and find someone who's a little less of a baby.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): I'm relatively pro-porn, but this guy sounds like a douchebag. Looking at porn isn't the problem - him controlling every aspect of your life and using you as an employee IS.
Move on.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (16 October 2010):
 Honestly this sounds like an abusive relationship to me.
He is manipulating you and abusing you by having lack of empathy for your feelings and blatantly watching porn while you are cooking his meals.
These are all huge red flags in this relationship, but I know you aren't going to do anything about it because I can tell you are the kind of woman who once she invests in a realtionship she will do what ever it takes to make it work including subjugating her own self to a man who really doesn't care about her.
This guy is a complete loser. I am sorry, I am not jealous of you or trying to be flippant or mean, I know the signs of abuse and you are heading that way. Things will escalate, things will get worse, you will get increasingly depressed and lose you self identity and ultimately lose your way. You will spend years getting yourself back after this loser blows out of your life.
Do not pay for things for a grown man. A real man does three things, he will Profess his love for you by claiming you as the one, he will Provide for you by not allowing you to pay for your dates or for anything for him short of his birthday and he will protect you by honoring you and that includes honoring your feelings, needs, desires hopes and dreams for the relationship and for your life together.
He fails on all three.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): This is selfish behavior on his behalf as he has no regard for your emotions. I totally understand your position and I am sorry you have to deal with this. Hopefully he doesnt have an addiction. I find a clear sign of that is when he can only become stimulated by such images and not those of your own body. Talk to him. Perhaps he does have one. Aprrocah him softly tho. Dont accuse him of being addicted. If you want this guys honesty, last thing you was is him to get defensive. You already show you care and love him so sit this lad down and ask him what his deal is and then take approrpriate action. Good God if any woman cooked me dinner Id be sure to give her dessert :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): seems like he probably doesn't care as much about you as you do about him.
dump him!
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A
female
reader, candygurl +, writes (16 October 2010):
I kinda understand how u feel but at the same time I think ur blowing it out of portion. My bf always watch porn and I always use to get mad because I didn't understand y he wanted to look at other females even to watch them have sex, till dis day I still don't have no clue but its a guy thing for sum reason they love it and love getting off on it. I learned to choose my battles. I rather want him watch a porno den to go to a strip club and really be aroused. Communication is the best thing in a relationship so just talk to him about ur feelings good luck
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (16 October 2010):
 He should not have done that. Or at least, he should have had some sort of empathy for you, just to understand why you would feel so tarnished inside. I loved reading about how much you loved him, it was sincere and enlightening which makes me wonder, if he loved you as much as you loved him, he would be begging for your forgiveness because of how much he hurt you. He is taking your love for granted, like so many men do nowadays.
I am not saying that there is no hope for this relationship but he has to be willing to take your feelings into careful consideration. I know that sometimes, a man's lustful drives can force his hand to do terrible things and force his heart to beat ignorant and selfish blood. His voyeuristic perversions may ruin this relationship. So many husbands wonder why their wives weep over these things, why their wives beg them to stop and love them. In all honesty, your boyfriend sounds as though he is already beginning to do that. You have to make yourself clear because he cannot just take your heart and mutilate its purity like this. If he cannot respect you, if he cannot at least try to stop watching these things, then leave him and find someone who will treasure your feelings more than the voyeuristic needs of his libido.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (16 October 2010):
 He clearly doesn't respect you. He's putting images and pictures above your feelings.
Does he disrespect you in other ways? I think you may want to think about this before you plan a life with him.
Ask him how he'd feel if you looked at hot guys online, If he doesn't like you looking at other men, chances are he's not going to like that either. Tell him, that's how you feel when he looks at porn.
A lot of guys are going to say that every guy looks a porn. And I think it's true that every guy has looked at porn sometime in their life, but that doesn't mean they still do, or they aren't willing to stop.
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