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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 8 months. When him and I first met and first got into a relationship, things were great. He made a lot of effort to talk with me and to hang out, we spent a lot of time together, and he just seemed really happy. Now the 'honey moon stage' has kind of worn off, and for the past 2 months or so, things have been different. He doesn't call me all of the time like he used to, he doesn't make plans as much, it's just not the same as it use to be.He's been hanging out and talking with his friends a lot more often, which is fine but I don't get nearly as much attention from him anymore. It's usually friends from his work, and I know I could probably go along too and I do sometimes, but I don't really know them and I want to give my boyfriend his space and not be there with him every time. The confusing part is when we do talk (which is not often) he will tell me how much he loves me and will say something along the lines of he's sorry he's not with me a lot lately, and that he misses and loves me, but the next day it will go back to the same old routine of us barely talking and waiting for him to come around.I've tried to talk with him about it a few times, but I don't want to start acting like a needy, complaining, whining girlfriend and push him away. I've asked him if he wants space, he says no. I've asked him if he's still happy with our relationship, he says yes and that everything is fine, but from his actions I don't really feel that way. When we do talk and are together, it's okay, but it's not the same as it used to be. He'll usually be online talking to people or hanging out with friends and then eventually later in the day find some time to talk to me, and it never use to be like this.I just miss the way things use to be and I miss how happy we use to be and how much attention he gave me. I'm not sure if this thing is normal in a relationship?How can I make this better without pushing him away? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (31 January 2014):
 One thing that's hard is when people put there best foot forward in the beginning and then after time goes on, you realize that's not how they really are.
Not to say that your boyfriend is a bad guy. Not at all. But I say the way that you behave in the beginning should be the way you behave all throughout the relationship.
This sounds like a classic case of the honey moon phase wearing off and reality setting in. You're settling into the real part of your relationship now, not the fairy tale beginning. this is how most relationships usually go.
In the beginning, people are all over each other and can't wait to see the other. they spend every waking second together and when they aren't, they talk about how much they miss each other and can't wait to see each other again. Yep. Classic money moon phase. This wasn't going to last forever. It's fairly unrealistic to expect it too, as well.
Now, if you're feeling completely neglected, that's one thing. But if he's just not calling or texting as much as he used to, I'd say everything is fine and you're just getting cozy and used to each other. Take the time he is spending with his friends and reconnect with yours. you probably lost sight of a few when you got with your bf. Rekindle those relationships. You definitely don't want to smother him, as you said.
He has reinforced that everything is okay. All you can do is trust and believe him and carry on. Start focusing on your life and he will love you even more for your independence.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (30 January 2014):
Time typically wears the luster off any relationship, and afterwards you are left with how you really feel about the person, rather than how you really feel about being in a new relationship......
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