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I read her secret diary

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 October 2007) 7 Answers - (Newest, 26 October 2007)
A male United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

In my wife dairy, she has a crush for a marry man at her work. In the dairy she stated that how much she love his smell, touch, and hug. She also mention that she have problem concentrating at work when he is around and dream about making love to him. She also mentions about how when I make love to her she feel guilty because is like she is cheating on him. My queation is do my wife secrete dairy consider cheating?

View related questions: at work, crush

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (26 October 2007):

eyeswideopen agony auntIs she acting differently towards you? If she has changed you could bring that up in a conversation. If she seems preoccupied you could talk about that. Don't mention her diary. I still think she is just going through a momentary crush but if you are worried I'd talk to her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007):

I just wanted to make it clear, I read her diary by accident. My 4yrs daughter brough the diary to me and is already open. Now my wife and this guy exchang text about 10 time per day. They both work night shift. She used to hate going to work just for 8 hrs, now she would work 10 to 12 hrs per shift without complain. I wonder if she really works the whole 12 hrs or spends 4 hrs with him in some motel. In the diary, she mentioned if the time and place is right, she would give herself to him. Should I let her know that I read her diary by accident or just act like I don't know, because its really hard for me?

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (25 October 2007):

eyeswideopen agony auntIt's a crush and it will fade. You however will face her anger and resentment big time if you fess up to reading her private diary. Show her plenty of attention, she'll be right as rain as the crush fades away.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007):

I disagree you should not have looked in her diary. If she is telling you she is thinking of this man during sex, why would you not look for evidence that there is more to it than that.

Suggest you go to a councillor if you're an optimmist or prepared to get hurt.

Good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007):

I agree that this is probably just a fantasy that your wife may be having about this man. Nothing has happened, according to the diary, so don't panic. I agree that

you should treat her with alot of love and attention and maybe it is that that she is missing and needs to have her own fantasies.

I am not sure I agree with others about you invading her privacy.

Why do husbands and wives need to hide anything from their partners in life. Why should they have secrets that they can share, surely that is the point in being together as a united couple.

"Nothing to hide, including a diary, hide nothing".

I don't agree that when your married you keep secret anythings!

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A female reader, h20gal United States +, writes (24 October 2007):

h20gal agony auntKarlos, you are right on.

I completely agree that you have bitten into forbidden fruit and have totally stepped completely out of line by reading her journal! Whew, makes me mad just thinking about it. You've got a lot more explaining to do than her. Everyone, even married people, are entitled to some privacy.

In answer, a crush is just a crush....

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A male reader, Karlos Omnis United Kingdom +, writes (24 October 2007):

Karlos Omnis agony auntNo, she is merely fascinated by temptation at this time. Under no circumstances are you to bring this up as a topic, you've violated her trust in an inexcusable way; in my opinion journals and mobile phones should not be touched by anyone other than the author/owner.

In any case since you have invaded her privacy, you should try and heal some damage that has been caused.

She clearly feels unloved by you, so you need to start putting in some effort. When was the last time you told her you loved her, bought her flowers (not because you've been "naughty"), taken her out?

Run with the thought that everyday is valentine's day, and treat her accordingly.

Love to a relationship is like water to a plant, they need it refreshed constantly.

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