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male
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anonymous
writes: I've had suspissions that my girlfriend has a thing for a close friend of mine. They always seem to be talking or texting each other. So I thought i would talk to her about it. She said i was just being silly and imagineing it. I didn't believe her, so I did a bad thing and checked her email without her knowlege. It turns out that they have been emailing each other too. In the last email she sent him she talks about the conversation I had with her about them. It basically confirms my suspions. She says that she had to lie to me about her feelings for him, but she also says that she loves me and that if they carry on heading down the path they were going it would lead to me and her spiliting up and she doesnt want that.I'm at a loss of what to do as they still seem to text and talk to each other all the time and I get even more paranoid when they spend time alone with each other. I dont want to confront her about the emails as I dont want to loose her. I dont know what to do. :(
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (8 September 2006):
 Two words. Confront her. Also, confront him. I agree with Pete as always. She will feed you a pack of lies then get angry that you snooped in her e-mails. Call her out and make her tell you the truth.
A
female
reader, joeymac +, writes (8 September 2006):
awww i feel so bad for you i don't really know what to tell only u can decide in the end, we all hav little crushes on people when we're with someone we love but the difference is if we care that much we don't carry them out, that means even just telling someone you like them. they've been talking behind your back about something they acknowledge would really hurt you, some friend eh, and some girlfriend. i know its so hard and u say u don't wana lose her which is heart breaking, but if u want to put yourself through that much pain and live your life waiting for her to do it to you again then u have to be strong and forget about it, and pretend to your 'friend' that u don't know. as tempting as it might have been for her, she should have ignored those feelings and left it alone. good luck sorry if it's not what u want to hear xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): I don't think what you did was such a bad thing. I think most people who do what you have done do so because they have good reason. She was the one that caused you to become suspicious and insecure. And look - you were proved right, that shows you are not insecure, silly, or imagining things. These are all the ways a cheating partner will try and make you feel so that you are in the wrong, and that they are in the right. It makes them feel better about themselves.
It's so sad to read your last sentence, because you haven't accepted that she is not the girl you thought she was, nor that you have probably already lost her. I say this with sincerity because I have been in your situation. Had I not of followed my gut feeling and read her emails I would have been completely ignorant of who she really was. During the last days I got a long, drawn-out essay of excuses amounting to her splitting up with me, and had I not of known the truth I would probably still now be blaming myself and never knowing why what happened did.
You see - people that do this would rather feed a pack of lies and deceive rather than admit the truth and have to accept that what they are doing is very wrong.
Like you, I didn't want to believe it, I wanted to believe that things would be ok. But, your girlfriend is cheating on you my friend, she has betrayed your trust. How can you ever trust her again? Do you really think you could ever marry her? If she wanted to be with you, she would break contact with this guy and certainly would never of confided in him by telling him about having to lie to you. This shows she is more deeply involved with him.
Judge people on their actions, not on how you hope they feel about you. To me you can do either of these things, break up with her now, or confront her about the emails. I can bet you now though - if you confront her, she will make you out to be possessive, insecure and jealous and you will end up feeling a whole lot worse.
As someone else on here once said, you need to pull a plaster off a painful cut, you can either do it slowly or quickly, it's ultimately your choice.
Good luck - I wish you the best.
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