A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a huge problem and I would appreciate some much needed helpful advice and an insight into what the heck is going on. I'm 21 years old I had a very troubling past but got my life on track. My partner and I got together two years ago. Just before we got together I was a successful musician/singer.I had intended to further my career then got cut from my band because of moral issues. Long story short I wasnt willing to get success with my body rather than my musical talent.So I decided to phone around and try to find someone who would put me up for a few weeks in a better area for music. An old friend of mine jumped at the chance so I headed on down south. When I arrived I didnt see the person I once looked upto when my life went down the pan a few years ago - who encouraged me to seek a better life. He was a gaunt, desperate heroin addict.I was shocked that the person who discouraged that and convinced me to start a new life was now in the same situation. We had always had a spark between us and I used all my money and helped him get off of the drugs - which believe me, was one of the most taxing things bar giving up myself.But from then up until now he has jumped from one extreme to the next. Always replacing one addiction with the next. He makes excuse after excuse because he was run over by a car five years ago. He pops morphine pills like theres no tomorrow and says it' because he's in pain. Yet he was working in manual labour three years after the accident. I feel he is using it as an excuse to get prescription drugs. He's on morphine, morphine patches,valium, sleeping pills, anti-depressants. If it's addictive he's getting it free off of his doctor even after every test shows nothing wrong with him. And he failed to attend so many hospital appointments that it further confirmed my suspisions. If he is in so much pain that he cant get off the sofa then he'd at least go to the appointments - he has a car. He's been so violent, abusive and selfish that I started drinking and taking class A drugs again because he would threaten me into giving him my money for drugs. I became anorexic because I had no money for food and I was at my wits end spending all my time with someone so out of it he could barely string a sentence together. So one day I thought hell I might aswell have half of whats mine. I ended up in hospital, my liver, kidneys and bladder are infected because introvenous drug use lead me to contract a bacterial infection all because one man led me to believe I was worthless and only fit to be his punchbag/bank account. I never deserved to be treated like that but I put up with it. I know I'm stupid, I took the drugs at the end of the day but I have obviously stopped because I am now ill and because I didnt enjoy it it was merely an escape. He has grudgingly stopped too but is making up for it with his prescribed drugs for his "pain". I put my life on hold because I didnt want to see another life destroyed by that stupid drug especially someone I once cared about. He made me dependant on him, looking after him and yet he thinks I have ruined his life. He shouts, has beaten me in the past, for money sometimes for no reason. He told me if I left he'd kill both of us and now I'm stuck. I have no friends because they couldnt stand seeing him turn me into a complete mess and nervous wreck. I have no family, nothing. If we argue he always turns it on me even thought I know I havent done a thing wrong except do everything for him; cook, clean, pay the bills, make sure everything that needs done is done. I wish I could talk to him about it but it seems he actually believes he has nothing to apologise for and even twists everything to the point I clam up, start shaking and cant remember my point and almost believe I've wronged him. All I've ever done is tried to love him and I'm now tired, worn down and want my wonderful life and my health back. Please help.
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anorexic, drugs, money, sleeping pills, spark, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Soja Exiles  +, writes (18 December 2009):
 You are not going to find your answer online talking to strangers. Your problem seems to be way too deep. You are not looking for advice, you seem to be looking for the ultimate answer. Only you can give yourself that. You need to let go.
Go to a support group, and go from there.
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