A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a long distance relationship for three months now. Things were looking good and me and my boyfriend tried to be as open as possible about issues. When we started we were both seeing other people. In my case I was in a transition phase. It was at a time I was deciding to leave my boyfriend of 2 years, after realising things did not work..... I told him about it. on his side he was seeing this other woman but their relationship hasnt got off the ground, he says it was doomed from the beginning...we agreed to see each other on a monthly basis, until insecurities and intuition played its role on my side... I told him how I feel about a guy dating the next person. He says he wants sometime otherwise he really wants to be with me and we must work on this Long distance relationship.I just cannot go on with this situation. I told him the LDR is difficult on its own, and him still in limbo with the other woman will make things worse...Last weekend we were together and we had so much fun and we bonded nicely, until a few hours before I left, I brought the issue of another woman (it bothers me, I feel like I cannot take it at all) he then told me it doesnt happen overnite for him to just dump the other woman, (actually the other woman now can see that he is unavailable because we spend too much time on the phone and communicating, she now feels neglected)... well I told him I cannot carry on dating him because that would hurt me more. I could not even open myself for the debate, I just could not entertain it so I told him when he wants to be with me he should let me know and left him like that.....Now he behaves as if he is more betrayed than me... he feels I am the one who is selfish....We have not spoken eversince I came back... he has been seeking advices from his friendsI am still keen on our relationship. I miss him like crazy, but I have set my needs clearly on him... Do you think this can make him to fall in love with me or can this be the end? When you put your foot down to a man, but let him know you still want him, if they love you can they rise to the challenge??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TheNerd  +, writes (12 June 2009):
Sorry, but if he doesn't love you now, there's absolutely no way you can "make" him love you. Think about it: why would you want him to fall in love with a version of you that is putting on a show for him? Wouldn't you rather find a guy who will love you when you are just being yourself?
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